Is this a trap?

[Jmanster]

Hey guys,

Just got a text from the ex saying that she found a shirt of mine at her house. She wants to know whether she should keep it for me or throw it out. Do I respond or not? I can also just tell her to leave it in the front porch and I will pick it up without seeing her... .but then again If I respond I will be breaking NC... .Is it worth it? If I ask her to leave it the front when she is not home I don't know if she will actually do it... .do I respond at all? Do you think this is a trap? I have been quiet with her the last few days, trying to distance myself from her. Thanks for your help

[fromheeltoheal]

Do you want the shirt?  It could be a ploy to retain some kind of contact with you, or she may just be being thoughtful.  In any case, as part of taking your power back, make it about the shirt; do you want it?  If so, arrange to get it somehow, whether you talk to her or not, otherwise let it go, and if you think you should respond because of the way things were left between you, then respond, but whatever you do, make it about you and your needs.

[Mr Hollande]

After the split with my ex I never contacted her again. I had prior to the split lent her some money. Not a huge amount but enough to see her through a couple of difficult months. After 3 weeks of post split silence between us she sent me a text about the money. I didn't answer. A week or two more and she asked me about the money on FB and like before I said nothing. She then rang me a week later and during that brief conversation where I reiterated how I wanted nothing to do with her no money was mentioned. Several contact attempts later and not one word about the money.

The point I'm trying to make is that the money was her excuse to contact me and had it actually been important she would have repaid me. She never did (nor do I care about it) so I can only assume the motive was an ulterior one. Chances are it's the same with your ex.

Do you need or want the shirt? Are you NC? If no to the first question and yes to the second then forget the shirt and stay NC.

[Trog]

Shirt vs Dignity... .shirt... .Or healing? Shirt or gut wrenching pain.

It's a rouse, lose the shirt.

Mine contacted me because she believed I had an umbrella of hers! Which I don't!

[Jmanster]

Thank you guys for the awesome advice... .I will stay no contact and will forget about the shirt... .I wish you guys would see how she treated me the day I decided to go NC with her. She invites me to dinner at 7... .we eat and she says out of the blue she has to go to do work for an hour... .that is such bull SHEEET! I would of never done that to her... .If I would of invited her to dinner then I would spend the rest of the night with her... .so we argued about that... .then we start walking back to our cars and she just starts fast walking as if I don't exist and she disappears from me... .What the heck? At that moment I decided not to talk to her through any means... .NC! The dinner I had with her was last Saturday... .What do you guys think... .I'm not the crazy one right?

[Xidion]

My ex used texted me after 30 days no contact asking me why I think she has BPD. It was her attempt to re engage. Then she asked if it would be easier to talk about in person. It all ended up in 1 weeks full of drama, sex, lies, broken promises, and pain. For your own sake and what I just went through. Do not reply. Oh how I wish I would not have replied. I promise no good will come out of if. Do yourself a favor. Ignore it.

[Xidion]

Thank you guys for the awesome advice... .I will stay no contact and will forget about the shirt... .I wish you guys would see how she treated me the day I decided to go NC with her. She invites me to dinner at 7... .we eat and she says out of the blue she has to go to do work for an hour... .that is such bull SHEEET! I would of never done that to her... .If I would of invited her to dinner then I would spend the rest of the night with her... .so we argued about that... .then we start walking back to our cars and she just starts fast walking as if I don't exist and she disappears from me... .What the heck? At that moment I decided not to talk to her through any means... .NC! The dinner I had with her was last Saturday... .What do you guys think... .I'm not the crazy one right?

She is playing games. Maybe not intentionally,  but it's just how they operate. You're so much better off without this person. Look at yourself. Look what this is doing to you, your life, your mind, and your emotions. It's abuse. Rid yourself of this person as I am doing with mine. I will not make the same mistake twice.

[Mr Hollande]

Thank you guys for the awesome advice... .I will stay no contact and will forget about the shirt... .I wish you guys would see how she treated me the day I decided to go NC with her. She invites me to dinner at 7... .we eat and she says out of the blue she has to go to do work for an hour... .that is such bull SHEEET! I would of never done that to her... .If I would of invited her to dinner then I would spend the rest of the night with her... .so we argued about that... .then we start walking back to our cars and she just starts fast walking as if I don't exist and she disappears from me... .What the heck? At that moment I decided not to talk to her through any means... .NC! The dinner I had with her was last Saturday... .What do you guys think... .I'm not the crazy one right?

My advice is to carry on doing what you did on Saturday. Walk away in silence. Like Xidion points out above, no good will come from engaging with her.

[Jmanster]

Thanks guys... .No Contact it is I will ignore that text. Hope all is well with you guys as well