She is starting to use my family...

[Jmanster]

Hey guys just an update... .My cousin messages me telling me that my ex is now emailing her to tell be about the shirt that I left at the Ex's house... .My ex also told my cousin that she thinks that I blocked her number, I did't, I'm just ignoring everything which is good... .So my assumption is, is that she is using my cousin to get to me... .is that true... .what do you guys think? It was a cheap and small shirt on me anyway

[JRT]

Of course she is... .

[Targeted]

She absolutely is!  My X Went as far as to try and add my grandmother to Facebook to keep contact with me, she did not have my grandmother's phone number bite put forth all the effort to find it and called her when she knew I would be there! She called One of my good friends as well, if they would only put that much effort into keeping a relationship instead of putting in all their Energy into Post Breakup  nonsense they would not be where they are! 

[JRT]

My ex unfriended all of my friends on FB (and successfully compelled all of her friends and family to do the same) but she chose to keep my best buddies crazy wife as a friend... .my guess is that she knew that she could manipulate her by painting me black and her jumping onboard and then have her monitor my activities or use her as a 'lifeline' back to me. I know that they are communicating with one another.

[Recooperating]

Mine messaged my sister on FB, telling her how awefull I am and need help. He also insinuated I was a lesbian and slept with my best friend. Then he went on in telling her how he was moving on, sleeping with 5 different 20-year olds built like brick houses. (He's 40 and morbid obese) then he asked her to never contact her again... .Errrr she wasnt but ok. He just wanted to rub salt in my wounds and hurt me. He just made it more clear to me how sick and childish he is. He probably was hoping for a reaction out of any of us, but he didnt get one... .

They really have weird ways of trying to get attention! All I can say is... .Do not respond!

[Jmanster]

Thanks for the responses guys! I will not respond! Thank you for the kind support Happy New Year!

[oletimefeelin]

You're getting to a point where you can understand her actions.  Trust yourself and your instincts.

The item left behind trick is a classic female maneuver regardless.  And what are borderlines other than an exaggerated version of the female.  Since they fear rejection so, this does seem to be one of the first bullets they fire from the gun post-separation.  

The reason doesn't always have to be sinister as many here would argue.  I genuinely believe what these women do is not conscious.  Try not to take it personal, even though it affects you in a personal way.  

What's most important is how her actions impact you.  If you are like most of us here you became conditioned to set aside your own needs in this relationship, so this will feel weird to you at first.  

[JRT]

Thanks for the LOL Ole... .I can see the argument that a BPD is really a woman's on board logic and emotions on an overdose of steroids.

[Jmanster]

Yes I am definitely starting to understand her manipulations. But I cannot understand why? Who would do this to another human being... .she made me jeopardize my mental health and I was able to save it before I really needed help... .I know she has an illness and this just makes me feel so bad for her, because it is not her fault... .she was not parented properly... .Her mom looks like pure white trash and lives in a disgusting apartment with roaches and dirt everywhere... .her father abused her whole family and left... .I mean this is bad... .my ex has her own apartment and it can get pretty nasty at times... .I'm a guy and I'm not the cleanest, and even my place is so much cleaner... .THE AREA YOU LIVE IN IS THE INTERPRETATION OF WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND. Dealing with her was like trying to divide by zero... .IT CANNOT BE DONE... .Her place is a mess=mind is a mess... .Her body is a mess=her mind is a mess... .Her family's apartment is a chaotic=the family is chaotic... .Have you guys come up with similar thoughts... .these people are complete anomaly!

[JRT]

Mine kept her home very clean most of the time (her BPD son was another story).

My biggest level of confusion is the push/pull of breaking up and then keeping the property as a pawn later in the game... .mine left something significant every time.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Jmanster, Trying to understand the "why" when it comes to BPD is a bottomless pit, in my view, because you will never fully understand what is an extremely complex disorder.  The better approach, in my view, is to accept that those w/BPD act in irrational and unreasonable ways which you will never totally comprehend.  My T gave me a piece of advice that I think is valid in this context: "If something is crazy, drop it."  Hang in there, LuckyJim