I feel so hurt

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My udBPDbf left his phone at my house this morning.  I know I shouldn't have looked.  At first I felt relieved, there were no text messages to other woman, which he has done in the past.

Then i saw he had messaged his sister (who he lives with) and said he wont be home on Wednesday night.

He wasn't with me that night.

So I checked his call history, and sure enough there were phone calls on the Wednesday to another woman... .the same woman I had found X rated text messages to, two years ago!

I'm gutted.  I just had a strange feeling, before I checked his phone.  I think I knew, but I was looking for some type of confirmation.  He is very secretative with his life and I guess I'm fairly gullible, usually and just wanted to believe in him.

I just can't wrap my head around this, even after everything I know.  I just feel so dam sad.  He has really been so loving to me, most of the time, has me on the pedestal and treated me like i was his princess.

He will be here soon, we were meant to go over to my Mum's house so he could fix a few things up for her.

I have been so confused and sad all day.  I sent my Mum an email, saying he was working late, so can we make it next week.

When he gets here, this is going to be so hard.  I am going to say I need to ask you two questions.  Where did you sleep on Wednesday night?  and Who is *girlsname*?

I think he will follow his usual pattern and run away.  He cannot deal with confrontation, even in a calm way.  So, there really isn't anything I can think off that is going to fix this for me. 

I really didn't want to be here, on this board.  I had so many hopes and dreams.  He has wrecked that.

[DreamerGirl]

My udBPDbf left his phone at my house this morning.  I know I shouldn't have looked.  At first I felt relieved, there were no text messages to other woman, which he has done in the past.

Then i saw he had messaged his sister (who he lives with) and said he wont be home on Wednesday night.

He wasn't with me that night.

So I checked his call history, and sure enough there were phone calls on the Wednesday to another woman... .the same woman I had found X rated text messages to, two years ago!

I'm gutted.  I just had a strange feeling, before I checked his phone.  I think I knew, but I was looking for some type of confirmation.  He is very secretative with his life and I guess I'm fairly gullible, usually and just wanted to believe in him.

I just can't wrap my head around this, even after everything I know.  I just feel so dam sad.  He has really been so loving to me, most of the time, has me on the pedestal and treated me like i was his princess.

He will be here soon, we were meant to go over to my Mum's house so he could fix a few things up for her.

I have been so confused and sad all day.  I sent my Mum an email, saying he was working late, so can we make it next week.

When he gets here, this is going to be so hard.  I am going to say I need to ask you two questions.  Where did you sleep on Wednesday night?  and Who is *girlsname*?

I think he will follow his usual pattern and run away.  He cannot deal with confrontation, even in a calm way.  So, there really isn't anything I can think off that is going to fix this for me. 

I really didn't want to be here, on this board.  I had so many hopes and dreams.  He has wrecked that.

[Jack2727]

You need to know that you are not alone. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone where you feel like that. I felt that with my ex. Always trust your gut. I feel for you because you are in the storm. I used to always check my ex's call log because I felt that same thing. It's not a fun feeling! Hang in there!

[DreamerGirl]

Thanks Jack,

it didn't go as planned.  He didn't end up coming back over last night, as he worked late?

So before I went to bed last night, I just felt so hurt.  I grabbed his phone and texted the other woman.

Initially I pretended it was him and I told her to F***K off, stay out of my life... .but as the conversation went on, she realised it was me.

Then she kept saying how much he loves me, she knows all about me, he talks about me and shows pictures of me to her all the time.  She said they are just good friends etc.  She did a good job trying to cover for him, but, I'm not stupid.  I want to believe what she said, but I just can't imagine he would stay the night there for any other reason other than sex.

Shes obviously happy to sleep with him on a casual basis.

So there was a good trail of conversation in his phone.  When he arrived early this morning, I was still in bed asleep.  He had no idea, grabbed his phone, kissed me and left to go help my Mum out with some chores.  I saw him sitting in his truck, checking his phone, so he has seen my conversation with the other woman. 

I have work today, I have no idea how I'm going to keep it together. I feel crushed.

[Jack2727]

Hi,

I know you are hurting but you have to know that he is only going to tell you what he wants you to hear. He probably can't even deal with the type of person he is. My ex's behavior changed dramatically during the last two months of dating. Till the end she denied that she was "cheating" on me.

But you need to look at the facts. Judge what a person does, not what they do. I know things probably are going in like a slow motion right now and you feel trapped up in the tornado.

If he was able to be a healthy individual he would not be talking to other women, specifically ones who he had a past with.

You need to be strong now! It's gonna be tough but hopefully you have friends and family who are supportive. Best wishes!