How Does a BPD Feel if You Have Found Them Out?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Until then, I know "something" was wrong, but I didn't assume is was borderline personality disorder... .or any other mental illness, for that matter.

likewise, i'd never even heard 'BPD' until the therapist i started with spotted it, and she'd treated patients with it (and my new therapist strongly agrees). i knew something was wrong in her reactions, but i attributed it to something else (Sloth - i was raised way catholic), and in part i wondered if i was reacting wrongly to her behaviors. i was, but that's not the source of the problem. and one of my issues is/was with her therapist, who apparently is an enabler who doesn't have a clue.

knowing that our SOs have BPD is important, because it gives some measure of the chances of change and improvement, in their lives and in our own. but we can't treat that, we have to manage the behaviors - another reason to address their behaviors, not face them with a diagnosis.

[maxen]

Until then, I know "something" was wrong, but I didn't assume is was borderline personality disorder... .or any other mental illness, for that matter.

likewise, i'd never even heard 'BPD' until the therapist i started with spotted it, and she'd treated patients with it (and my new therapist strongly agrees). i knew something was wrong in her reactions, but i attributed it to something else (Sloth - i was raised way catholic), and in part i wondered if i was reacting wrongly to her behaviors. i was, but that's not the source of the problem. and one of my issues is/was with her therapist, who apparently is an enabler who doesn't have a clue.

knowing that our SOs have BPD is important, because it gives some measure of the chances of change and improvement, in their lives and in our own. but we can't treat that, we have to manage the behaviors - another reason to address their behaviors, not face them with a diagnosis.

[LeftSidePain]

I wouldn't know how she would feel. I would think nothing. If you think about it telling a person you are in conflict with or avoiding that it is all their fault wouldn't work for the best I'd assume.

I do know that anytime I said ":)oing X really shows your personality" or ":)oing Y shows what type of person you really are" made her do the exact opposite of said thing. This was in the first two or three weeks after she left. Before I knew what I was looking at which made the conversation that much of a confusing roller coaster.

Example:

She knew I was to get a raise and said... .I know you are getting a raise and I want half of that in the divorce, because you owe me.

I told her I wasn't getting the raise or anything close to what she thought.

Her response: You are just a liar and everything you say is a lie. You are arrogant and full of sh!t.

Mine: This is the third time you've brought up my raise and how you now want half of it. That really shows me what type of person you are and your true personality.

Next day she told me she didn't want the money and I can keep it.

Just by saying those things to her we were actually able to come to an amicable agreement in the divorce. She continued to play the victim in every sense in the fact that she just wanted out. Didn't want anything from me. I was so ultra abusive, controlling, and manipulative that she just wanted her clothes and her half of the equity of the home. So I gave her what she wanted. She was able to keep up the facade that she was noble and left with nothing. I did take the high road and pack and deliver all her belongings to her new place for her. Even though I felt like a sucker for doing it I know those things would still be there if I didn't.

[Turkish]

She was dX'd with depression when she was pregnant with D2. Her one SI, Christmas Day 2011,.came after the dX. Strangely, after all this time, I just put together that her dX probably triggered her extreme dysregulation and SI. She had stormed out of her parents house, leaving me and our baby there. I found her at home,.after a nasty text demanding to bring our baby home, collapsed on the bathroom floor in utter despair. I brought her out of it, and encouraged her to come out to her family about her depression. It was ok. For a while... .

Two years later, and I certainly had a contribution to this, she started an affair. Emotional, with some heavy petting at first. She broke up with me (like we were bf and gf and not parents of s small child and a baby). I caught her two weeks later. After one joint counseling session after which she abandoned me, because I was the one with the problem, I gave it 110%, she even admitted, but didn't let go of her new attachment. Cue 3 months living with her while she threw her juvenile r/s in my face, neglecting the kids.

I knew it was done for sure. No recycles. We came home with the kids from her parents and she asked me to watch the kids. She went to our/my bedroom and collapsed on the bed, a room and bed she had abandoned for the couch three months previously. I saw that as significant.

I checked on her after 20 mins to find her sobbing. I urged her to get help. I would support her. No answer. I left to go play with our kids. She came out an hour later, right as rain. We all went to a Christmas function. In the car, I brought it up, and she said, "I know I'm sick, but I feel like you're throwing my sickness in my face." I shut my mouth.

1.5 months before, in probably her only lucid weekend among 3.5 months of dissociative behavior, she admitted, at no prompting from me, that she had become like her dad (cheater), and she was ashamed of it. Shame. That's it. I was the trigger of her core shame,.so I knew there was no saving it (in addition to the other man), so I let her go. It was the most compassionate thing I could do for all four of us. I think that on some level that she appreciated it.