Telling My Story

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi y'all, here's my tale.  I'm a 21 year old student.  I recently got dumped by a beautiful girl that I'm very sure has BPD.  I'll add quotes from her that were red flags.  We met this past August... .

August: See her a lot around downtown, chat her up sometimes.  She hints at wanting to hang out, I invite her to get a drink.  We have a beer one night and then decide to just drive around the countryside for the next 3 hours just talking.  This girl is great: same age, same university, gorgeous, so comfortable to be around.  She seems fantastic.  Week goes by, we see a movie, we spend the night holding each other.  Her house is absolutely grotesque, but I don't care.  "I'm on a lot of Zoloft right now."

September: A lot of texting, some quasi-dates, sleepovers.  I'm frustrated by how difficult it is to plan things with her as plans tend to fall apart. "I'm kind of a train wreck, sorry."

October: This is when things get real.  She's in the ER because she's been on a pill binge for 3 days and she's having crippling panic attacks.  She asks to sleep in my bed that night because it feels safe.  We get super close in the next week, become "exclusive".  She gets upset a lot, sleeps for days on end, skips class, doesn't eat, drinks every day.  I'm getting concerned.  Recycle/get recycled twice this month.  We stop talking on Halloween for some reason. "I made myself sad and everyone hates me."

November: It's the middle of the month, we haven't spoken since Halloween.  I'm doing great: working out a lot, eating right, talking to other girls, hanging with friends. I only think about her every once in a while.  Text out of nowhere asking to go on an adventure/watch netflix together at her place.  Get recycled HARD, like now we're boyfriend/girlfriend official.  Commence the most amazing honeymoon phase ever. "Let's buy this cabin in the woods and play with each other."

December: Geez, this girl talks about her ex boyfriends a lot.  Geez, there are a lot of ex boyfriends.  Geez, seems like she's had sex with all her friends in the past. Geez, this girl acts like a child so much it's unbelievable.  Wow, she almost failed all her classes this semester.  Wow, I'm getting yelled at a lot.  But this sex is amazing and she's so nice when she's nice. The highs are extremely high, the lows are extremely low, and they're becoming more frequent.  Invites me over to her parents' for Christmas.  Un-invites me.  Re-invites me.  Look at myself: My ambition is largely gone, I'm angry and sad a lot, I'm not treating people correctly.  She's rubbing off on me. ":)ude, you don't get me, go f*** yourself."

January: Fading to black.  Start sticking up for myself.  Last night together: We get back from an awesome, near-perfect road-trip.  She's drunk at my place, sees in my internet history stuff about "why does my girlfriend act this way?".  Heated argument ensues, she projects hard onto me.  I can't handle this, I kick her out.  As I'm closing the door shut I tell her she has BPD.  She explodes, panic attack starts, she says I'm cruel.  Breaks up with me.  Deletes all pics on fb.  I apologize a few days later, she says thanks and "when are you going to pick your clothes up?" Agree to pick them up, but they're not there at the place and time. She says sorry, she'll fix it.  She doesn't.  Obvious she's playing games with me.  I haven't spoken to her since and that was January 6.  "I swear if you do anything to hurt me, I'm calling the police."



I think she keeps the clothes as souvenirs.  The more I learn about BPD and read the posts of borderlines, the more I realize these poor souls live in a lonely hell and will never, ever be happy without serious therapy.  I'm almost back to normal. I realize what a brutally toxic person she is, but I still miss waking up with her in my arms.  I miss the intimacy and laughter.

[Ghost733]

Hi y'all, here's my tale.  I'm a 21 year old student.  I recently got dumped by a beautiful girl that I'm very sure has BPD.  I'll add quotes from her that were red flags.  We met this past August... .

August: See her a lot around downtown, chat her up sometimes.  She hints at wanting to hang out, I invite her to get a drink.  We have a beer one night and then decide to just drive around the countryside for the next 3 hours just talking.  This girl is great: same age, same university, gorgeous, so comfortable to be around.  She seems fantastic.  Week goes by, we see a movie, we spend the night holding each other.  Her house is absolutely grotesque, but I don't care.  "I'm on a lot of Zoloft right now."

September: A lot of texting, some quasi-dates, sleepovers.  I'm frustrated by how difficult it is to plan things with her as plans tend to fall apart. "I'm kind of a train wreck, sorry."

October: This is when things get real.  She's in the ER because she's been on a pill binge for 3 days and she's having crippling panic attacks.  She asks to sleep in my bed that night because it feels safe.  We get super close in the next week, become "exclusive".  She gets upset a lot, sleeps for days on end, skips class, doesn't eat, drinks every day.  I'm getting concerned.  Recycle/get recycled twice this month.  We stop talking on Halloween for some reason. "I made myself sad and everyone hates me."

November: It's the middle of the month, we haven't spoken since Halloween.  I'm doing great: working out a lot, eating right, talking to other girls, hanging with friends. I only think about her every once in a while.  Text out of nowhere asking to go on an adventure/watch netflix together at her place.  Get recycled HARD, like now we're boyfriend/girlfriend official.  Commence the most amazing honeymoon phase ever. "Let's buy this cabin in the woods and play with each other."

December: Geez, this girl talks about her ex boyfriends a lot.  Geez, there are a lot of ex boyfriends.  Geez, seems like she's had sex with all her friends in the past. Geez, this girl acts like a child so much it's unbelievable.  Wow, she almost failed all her classes this semester.  Wow, I'm getting yelled at a lot.  But this sex is amazing and she's so nice when she's nice. The highs are extremely high, the lows are extremely low, and they're becoming more frequent.  Invites me over to her parents' for Christmas.  Un-invites me.  Re-invites me.  Look at myself: My ambition is largely gone, I'm angry and sad a lot, I'm not treating people correctly.  She's rubbing off on me. ":)ude, you don't get me, go f*** yourself."

January: Fading to black.  Start sticking up for myself.  Last night together: We get back from an awesome, near-perfect road-trip.  She's drunk at my place, sees in my internet history stuff about "why does my girlfriend act this way?".  Heated argument ensues, she projects hard onto me.  I can't handle this, I kick her out.  As I'm closing the door shut I tell her she has BPD.  She explodes, panic attack starts, she says I'm cruel.  Breaks up with me.  Deletes all pics on fb.  I apologize a few days later, she says thanks and "when are you going to pick your clothes up?" Agree to pick them up, but they're not there at the place and time. She says sorry, she'll fix it.  She doesn't.  Obvious she's playing games with me.  I haven't spoken to her since and that was January 6.  "I swear if you do anything to hurt me, I'm calling the police."



I think she keeps the clothes as souvenirs.  The more I learn about BPD and read the posts of borderlines, the more I realize these poor souls live in a lonely hell and will never, ever be happy without serious therapy.  I'm almost back to normal. I realize what a brutally toxic person she is, but I still miss waking up with her in my arms.  I miss the intimacy and laughter.

[plog]

I'm 24 and my story sounds very similar. If a few clothes are all you're going to lose from closing off contact with her I'd call that a bargain. If you try to make that relationship work you'll need to commit a lot of personal time and resources, and I think you're in the enviable spot of having little invested in this adventure.