She read what I wrote about her and got really mad

[Depression = 72% of members]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

[paperlung]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

[clydegriffith]

sounds similar to what happened to me. I recall posting something somewhere and since she was always snooping around she found it. Her reaction was to calmly call me and ask me to come home for some made up reason then go into full BPD rage as soon as i got home. That wasn't fun.

[paperlung]

But yeah, I did reply to her rage text.

"I can talk about whatever the hell I want. I saw the thread on BPD and felt like giving my opinion. Why don't YOU quit stalking me. Wow. I was literally just on the there (the forum) and now here you are giving me crap for it. Clearly you can't move on yourself. You're not stable. You never were stable. You've hardly changed at all from what I saw and heard from you. Funny how you talked all this bull crap to me before moving back here about getting on-going help/therapy, but once you actually did move back, all you did with your time was mess around on POF and Tinder just like you always do when you're feeling lonely and have nobody to give you the type of attention you want. I asked you that night I came over if you were still going to look into getting therapy and you said, 'I don't think I need it anymore.' You're so full of it and always have been. I have my doubts that you'll even do that program in April now. If the thought of volunteering at Petsmart for an hour or two a week makes you feel anxious, like you said, then there's no way you're going to be able to cope going to school 5 days a week for 6 months, full-time. Yeah, good luck with that."


Then she said:

"First off, I go on the there too and once I saw that BPD thread I knew you probably posted in it (she is such a liar, she checks my post history), so please, spare me. I didn't need therapy once I got back, I was away from ______ and felt better. And if I hadn't changed at all, why email me telling me you had feelings for me? Why have feelings for a crazy  = = person? You have tinder too, so once again spare me. And I don't use pof or tinder anymore (Yeah, because you found a BF off POF after knowing him for 10 days). I guess you're super lonely too if you have tinder. Like the billion others who use it. And when you emailed me that (I emailed her on the 4th telling her I didn't want to talk to or see her anymore), I respected you and left you alone, would a person with BPD who have abandonment issues do that? No. And thank you for telling me about the things I won't be able to do in life."

[paperlung]

Funny how she said she respected my decision when I told her to leave me alone but yet a week later she sends me a wall of text at 1 AM over what I said about BPD on another forum. Somehow she has went from believing she has BPD to not having it. Even before broke up two years ago, I suspected she was BPD. After we broke up, I got confirmation that she was diagnosed with it by a doctor (although now she says it doesn't count because it wasn't a psychiatrist that diagnosed her). So that was my closure back then. I finally felt validated and could understand why she did the things she did. She was, in fact, BPD after all in my mind.

I think she has convinced herself that she is not BPD that even if she were to see a psychiatrist, the psychiatrist wouldn't be able to properly diagnose her as one because she has read up on it and now denies she fits any of the criteria.

Any thoughts on all this? I'm so tired. I talked to her on the phone for like an hour or two after we exchanged some more long text messages. I didn't get off the phone until close to 4 AM and didn't fall back asleep afterwards and then went to class at 10.

I even asked her again the phone, "Are you thinking of doing some therapy?" And she something along the lines of, "Yes, but only because then I would be able to get my clonazepam prescription because my regular doctor won't give me it."

[TheDude]

Do you think you're accomplishing anything positive for yourself by continuing to engage in all this interaction?

[Rise]

How do you feel about all of this? Do you feel better now? Was what you got out of this exchange worth the time and energy you spent on it?

[paperlung]

Do you think you're accomplishing anything positive for yourself by continuing to engage in all this interaction?

No, not at all. But I felt compelled to stand up for myself when she blasted me for talking about her and BPD on another forum. I guess I could of ignored it, but I felt that would have been childish. She should've just shrugged it off and left me alone. That's what I asked for, after all, and she said she respected that. Apparently not.

[paperlung]

How do you feel about all of this? Do you feel better now? Was what you got out of this exchange worth the time and energy you spent on it?

I feel she is in strong denial about herself right now, and will continue to be as long as she has new supply to keep her busy. I feel somewhat better in the sense that I got to elaborate a bit more on what I emailed her on the 4th. From talking to her, it just further confirmed my opinion of her. She doesn't know what she's doing with her life. Bugs me though because I really do care about what she does with it.

[TheDude]

I guess I could of ignored it, but I felt that would have been childish.

Consider that strength is related to maturity, and that it takes more strength to not engage her. Not to mention that silence is a stronger reply than any words you can throw her way. I can understand what you say about caring what she does with her life, but how is any of this helping anyone?

[paperlung]

I guess I could of ignored it, but I felt that would have been childish.

Consider that strength is related to maturity, and that it takes more strength to not engage her. Not to mention that silence is a stronger reply than any words you can throw her way. I can understand what you say about caring what she does with her life, but how is any of this helping anyone?

Well she did end her first text message with "Goodbye." So I suppose I didn't really need to engage, but oh well. I think if I didn't it would have bothered me more anyway. I needed to get some more stuff off my chest. Anyways, she's gone exclusive again from the looks of things after 10 days. With already some consideration of moving out of her dad's place (where she wanted to return to originally to get her life in order) and closer to him. I think if I keep my mouth shut regarding her on the other forum, she'll have no other reason to contact me. Well, probably until she's feeling down/lonely/distressed or starts missing me randomly and wants to talk. But I think I'm safe for a while.

[nodiggity]

Are you trying to communicate with her through a BPD forum?

If not why not change your user profile so she does not know what you blog about.

[paperlung]

Are you trying to communicate with her through a BPD forum?

If not why not change your user profile so she does not know what you blog about.

It's not a BPD forum. It's not even a support forum. It's just a dumb forum I visit and post on when I'm bored.

I don't care if she reads my posts, to be honest. I'll write whatever I want to on there without regard for her.

[paperlung]

Another thing I found interesting that she admitted to me on the phone last night was that she is guilty of getting bored with men sexually after a while. Like she no longer feels satisfied, so she cheats/ends the relationship.

I also asked her about getting therapy/treatment again and she said she would do it, but only if it allowed her access to her medication (clonazepam). Apparently the doctor by her doesn't want to prescribe it to her. So she wouldn't be going with the intentions of improving herself. She's convinced herself she's totally fine/stable since moving back. But I guess that's only natural since she's currently occupied idealizing a new guy.

I hate how all of this is bothering me. Her moving back. Seeing her again. Her coming onto me. Her fooling around on POF/Tinder with multiple men. Her disregarding therapy again. Going NC on her again. Actually missing her a little. Having her rage text me at 1 AM. Her getting into a new relationship after 10 days of knowing the person. Her now being uncertain on going to college this April (she wanted to move back in with her dad to focus on getting her life/career together). I know she's probably just going to end up just camming again and move out of her dad's. Everything she told me before moving back was false. Why oh why must I care for this girl. The girl who inflicted so much pain upon me in the past. I just want this feeling to end.

[fromheeltoheal]

So what's the goal paper?  You've been around for a while now and you're on the Leaving board, yet you're still interacting with her and emotionally involved.  Is detaching in your future?

[paperlung]

I hate how all of this is bothering me. Her moving back. Seeing her again. Her coming onto me. Her fooling around on POF/Tinder with multiple men. Her disregarding therapy again. Going NC on her again. Actually missing her a little. Having her rage text me at 1 AM. Her getting into a new relationship after 10 days of knowing the person. Her now being uncertain on going to college this April (she wanted to move back in with her dad to focus on getting her life/career together). I know she's probably just going to end up just camming again and move out of her dad's. Everything she told me before moving back was false. Why oh why must I care for this girl. The girl who inflicted so much pain upon me in the past. I just want this feeling to end.

So what's the goal paper?  You've been around for a while now and you're on the Leaving board, yet you're still interacting with her and emotionally involved.  Is detaching in your future?

My goal is the same as it was on the 4th of January; to not talk to or see her again. I actually told her not to contact me again, but she did last night via text anyway raging at me for labeling her BPD on some other forum. I joined this forum back in late 2012/early 2013 after she cheated on me. I eventually moved on, got over it (somewhat), saw other girls, stopped visiting this place, but then I let her slowly creep back into my life these last couple of months and it has affected me badly. I never reached out to her after we broke up. I can resist doing that. I'm not afraid of breaking NC unless she initiates.

[Aussie JJ]

TBH,

Leave it be, move on, live life.  

I wouldnt engage with her at all about it.  

If you have to let it out, do so here or in the other forum if you want to be open about it.  Maybe another post.  

Hi guys,

Just to give you some perspective on having a relationship with a person with BPD and the aftermath of this relationship.  I received a text 15 minutes after my initial poost (yes 1AM!~) where I was yelled at and called all names under the sun as she had read my post on this forum about BPD (Stalkign is a behaviour comon with pwBPD).  I then highlighted this to her and she said she "comes here as well sometimes".  I'll let you judge on that guys.  

Look long story short.  The inability to accept blame from her own actions it is still all my fault and she cannot handle me talking objectivly about our relationship.  She feels that she must still 2 years down the track blame me for everything.  The lack of empathy for other individuals is also present in her lack of empathy for herself and the inability to see what she has done wasnt necessarily the best course of actions.  All black and white, their goes slitting again!

The sad thing is, I dont beleive or under any circumstances will I ever encourage people to say bad things about pwBPD.  End of the day, she was diagnosed with BPD and accepted the diagnosis for a little bit and started doing some work on herself.  Acknowledging fault in people, espesially yourself is someting that is very confronting and very painful.  It is someting that I encourage you all to do, we all have fault, no-one is perfect.  

All though I am no longer in the relationship and invested in her mental health in any way shape or form.  It is my hope that she sees inherself one day the strength that I and many others choose to see when we look at her.  My beleif is that she was worth that effort and work to maintain the relationship with.  If she saw that same stregth in herself maybe she would confront those emotional problems that she has, learn healthier coping mechanisms?  

Who knows, not my place any more.  Just as this post is my opinion and I wont accept being judged for my opinion.  It is not a reflection on her mearly my perception of a problem.  Just as those words she uses are just her perception of the events that occured.  

Each of you live your own lives and lead it how you may, people shouldnt be vicimised for having mental health problems.  Accept them for what they are, love and appreciate them for who they are, BPD is a serious mental health issue and the people that live with it do so in extreame emotional pain and turmoil.  They deserve our sympathy, sometimes that sympathy is best expressed by doign nothing.  

So I wont post any more on this topic, just give everyone else some of the leassons I have learnt and say that if you are having trouble, see a psycvhologist, it sure helped me understand alot more about myself.  

Thankyou,


Me.  

Dont engage her.  Hell I wouldnt even post that TBH.  Its like askign for a war.  

Your free buddy, change usernames maybe?  A lot of people here went and started new activities to minimise the chance of bumping into their ex's.  Why not take this route.  


AJJ.  

[Infared]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

WOW... .WOW... .WOW!

First of all, your description of your relationship EXACTLY described what I went thru. EXACTLY.

And it's my ex's repeating pattern.

I have goosebumps at:

1. Her immediate response (BPD Creepy).

2. Her anger. (BPD Typical).

3. Her need to aggressively cCONTRO your anonymous post (it was anonymous, right?)

4. Her listing her behaviors and thinking that they are "normal

5. Her abusive attacking language and demeanor

6. Did I mention her IMMEDIATELY need to Control you?

7. Her obvious state of denial!

8. She has absolutely no boundaries.

I feel for you... .If possible, I would not post on that forum any more... .why feed the fire... .Process it elsewhere and just avoid her abuse. That would be being the bigger person and taking care of you.

If you post there and you know she goes there it is direct contact. No?

NC is best with this one. Interacting will bear no healthy fruit. She is sick and untreated.

Go total NC. Set boundaries. Enforce them.

The healthy and mature thing for you is Total NC? Engaging with that mess and expecting any kind of positive outcome shows that YOU are still in a very unhealthy relationship.

Good luck.

[Infared]

How do you feel about all of this? Do you feel better now? Was what you got out of this exchange worth the time and energy you spent on it?

+100

[paperlung]

TBH,

Leave it be, move on, live life.  

I wouldnt engage with her at all about it.  

If you have to let it out, do so here or in the other forum if you want to be open about it.  Maybe another post.  

Hi guys,

Just to give you some perspective on having a relationship with a person with BPD and the aftermath of this relationship.  I received a text 15 minutes after my initial poost (yes 1AM!~) where I was yelled at and called all names under the sun as she had read my post on this forum about BPD (Stalkign is a behaviour comon with pwBPD).  I then highlighted this to her and she said she "comes here as well sometimes".  I'll let you judge on that guys.  

Look long story short.  The inability to accept blame from her own actions it is still all my fault and she cannot handle me talking objectivly about our relationship.  She feels that she must still 2 years down the track blame me for everything.  The lack of empathy for other individuals is also present in her lack of empathy for herself and the inability to see what she has done wasnt necessarily the best course of actions.  All black and white, their goes slitting again!

The sad thing is, I dont beleive or under any circumstances will I ever encourage people to say bad things about pwBPD.  End of the day, she was diagnosed with BPD and accepted the diagnosis for a little bit and started doing some work on herself.  Acknowledging fault in people, espesially yourself is someting that is very confronting and very painful.  It is someting that I encourage you all to do, we all have fault, no-one is perfect.  

All though I am no longer in the relationship and invested in her mental health in any way shape or form.  It is my hope that she sees inherself one day the strength that I and many others choose to see when we look at her.  My beleif is that she was worth that effort and work to maintain the relationship with.  If she saw that same stregth in herself maybe she would confront those emotional problems that she has, learn healthier coping mechanisms?  

Who knows, not my place any more.  Just as this post is my opinion and I wont accept being judged for my opinion.  It is not a reflection on her mearly my perception of a problem.  Just as those words she uses are just her perception of the events that occured.  

Each of you live your own lives and lead it how you may, people shouldnt be vicimised for having mental health problems.  Accept them for what they are, love and appreciate them for who they are, BPD is a serious mental health issue and the people that live with it do so in extreame emotional pain and turmoil.  They deserve our sympathy, sometimes that sympathy is best expressed by doign nothing.  

So I wont post any more on this topic, just give everyone else some of the leassons I have learnt and say that if you are having trouble, see a psycvhologist, it sure helped me understand alot more about myself.  

Thankyou,


Me.  

Dont engage her.  Hell I wouldnt even post that TBH.  Its like askign for a war.  

Your free buddy, change usernames maybe?  A lot of people here went and started new activities to minimise the chance of bumping into their ex's.  Why not take this route.  


AJJ.  

Wow, good post. I wish I could say that, but as you said, it's like asking for a war. She'd probably call me out again. She hates that I'm labeling her. Even though she had me convinced for over a year she had BPD, she told me herself. That's how I learned to cope with what happened.

I'd just have to abandon my old account and create a new one. A part me actually liked that she saw what I wrote, though. I also find it amusing how fast she responsed to my post, . She's supposed to be in love right now, idealizing a new guy, so why check on me? She had been doing it since we broke up in March 2013 I found out.

[paperlung]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

WOW... .WOW... .WOW!

First of all, your description of your relationship EXACTLY described what I went thru. EXACTLY.

And it's my ex's repeating pattern.

I have goosebumps at:

1. Her immediate response (BPD Creepy).

2. Her anger. (BPD Typical).

3. Her need to aggressively cCONTRO your anonymous post (it was anonymous, right?)

4. Her listing her behaviors and thinking that they are "normal

5. Her abusive attacking language and demeanor

6. Did I mention her IMMEDIATELY need to Control you?

7. Her obvious state of denial!

8. She has absolutely no boundaries.

I feel for you... .If possible, I would not post on that forum any more... .why feed the fire... .Process it elsewhere and just avoid her abuse. That would be being the bigger person and taking care of you.

If you post there and you know she goes there it is direct contact. No?

NC is best with this one. Interacting will bear no healthy fruit. She is sick and untreated.

Go total NC. Set boundaries. Enforce them.

The healthy and mature thing for you is Total NC? Engaging with that mess and expecting any kind of positive outcome shows that YOU are still in a very unhealthy relationship.

Good luck.

By description of my relationship with my ex, are you referring to my first thread I made on bpdfamily which explained my whole story? Or just this situation that occurred last night?

1. I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about.

2. She hates that I label her as BPD even though she is the one who admitted to me to having it (but not anymore, apparently!)

3. No, she knows my username on this other forum a visit. So she can simply check my post history. She lies and says she just so happens to stumble across my posts in threads, but I don't believe her. The forum has very high traffic and new threads posted can end up on the second or third page in a minute or two.

4. Yeah, I don't get that. Sometimes she knows her behavior is not normal, other times it apparently is. She sometimes gets moments of clarity, but they always vanish.

5. Don't know why she had to call me a ___ty person. Because I said she has BPD, I guess? Just last month on the phone to me she said I was the best boyfriend she ever had and that she regrets what she did to screw the relationship up. She has very little paint in her bucket to make me black. I treated her very kindly.

6. You mean by telling me to stop talking about her?

7. Mmhmm. So used to it, dude.

8. She really doesn't. Didn't when she came on to me that night when I went to visit and didn't when I asked her not to contact me again back on the 4th. I told her on the phone last night she has none and she said that she does because, ":)o you have any idea how many guys message me on POF? I could be having sex with a different guy every night if I wanted to, but I don't because I do have boundaries!"

Screw her. She only visits that forum first and foremost to see my posts. If anything, I would just need to make a new account. Even then, I'd be paranoid she'd somehow discover it. I just won't mention her anymore maybe.

[Infared]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

WOW... .WOW... .WOW!

First of all, your description of your relationship EXACTLY described what I went thru. EXACTLY.

And it's my ex's repeating pattern.

I have goosebumps at:

1. Her immediate response (BPD Creepy).

2. Her anger. (BPD Typical).

3. Her need to aggressively cCONTRO your anonymous post (it was anonymous, right?)

4. Her listing her behaviors and thinking that they are "normal

5. Her abusive attacking language and demeanor

6. Did I mention her IMMEDIATELY need to Control you?

7. Her obvious state of denial!

8. She has absolutely no boundaries.

I feel for you... .If possible, I would not post on that forum any more... .why feed the fire... .Process it elsewhere and just avoid her abuse. That would be being the bigger person and taking care of you.

If you post there and you know she goes there it is direct contact. No?

NC is best with this one. Interacting will bear no healthy fruit. She is sick and untreated.

Go total NC. Set boundaries. Enforce them.

The healthy and mature thing for you is Total NC? Engaging with that mess and expecting any kind of positive outcome shows that YOU are still in a very unhealthy relationship.

Good luck.

By description of my relationship with my ex, are you referring to my first thread I made on bpdfamily which explained my whole story? Or just this situation that occurred last night?

1. I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about.

2. She hates that I label her as BPD even though she is the one who admitted to me to having it (but not anymore, apparently!)

3. No, she knows my username on this other forum a visit. So she can simply check my post history. She lies and says she just so happens to stumble across my posts in threads, but I don't believe her. The forum has very high traffic and new threads posted can end up on the second or third page in a minute or two.

4. Yeah, I don't get that. Sometimes she knows her behavior is not normal, other times it apparently is. She sometimes gets moments of clarity, but they always vanish.

5. Don't know why she had to call me a ___ty person. Because I said she has BPD, I guess? Just last month on the phone to me she said I was the best boyfriend she ever had and that she regrets what she did to screw the relationship up. She has very little paint in her bucket to make me black. I treated her very kindly.

6. You mean by telling me to stop talking about her?

7. Mmhmm. So used to it, dude.

8. She really doesn't. Didn't when she came on to me that night when I went to visit and didn't when I asked her not to contact me again back on the 4th. I told her on the phone last night she has none and she said that she does because, ":)o you have any idea how many guys message me on POF? I could be having sex with a different guy every night if I wanted to, but I don't because I do have boundaries!"

Screw her. She only visits that forum first and foremost to see my posts. If anything, I would just need to make a new account. Even then, I'd be paranoid she'd somehow discover it. I just won't mention her anymore maybe.

I see. ... .so you enjoy all the drama. Got it.

[paperlung]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Anyways, there was a topic made about BPD asking the question if you would date a girl with BPD or not. This is what I wrote (I used some good words that have been said here before to aid my response):

"I did once, and would definitely never date one again if I knew they had it. My ex would always leap into relationships quickly to help soothe that empty and worthless feeling she had inside.


Just imagine them as a child. A child that has a new toy (us). They play with it, love it, take it everywhere with them, get overly protective of it and will not share it with anyone.

After a while, once they have played with it all they can and it's not the amazing new toy it once was, a new toy catches their eye in a shop window. They have to have it, it's all they can think about. So they do whatever they can to get it and the old toy gets put away in a box with all the other toys to play with at a future date.

Sure, they may return to the old toy if the new one gets broken or they get bored with it, but it's only a matter of time before a new shiny one catches their eye and the cycle repeats.

As sad as it is, this is how I rationalize it. We are all just toys in a life size toy box.

Only unlike toys, we have the choice in whether or not we want to be played with again."

--------------------

Maybe like 15 minutes after that (it's like 1 AM by the way) I get this super long text message from her:

"Listen to me very clearly. Stop talking about me. You know nothing about me. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I was never diagnosed, nor do you have the ability to diagnose me, as you're not a psych. Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young. I casually dated my ex who hurt me. I do not ask for bad relationships and I was nothing but kind to him. Do not call me a child. You're aty person who apparently can't let go of what happened. Sorry, yeah, I cheated on you and we had aed relationship. I was depressed about. Don't try to blame some personality disorder for my misdoings cause I sure as hell won't, I know what I did. Goodbye."

------------------------

For the record, a doctor did diagnose her as BPD after we broke up, and she believed for quite a while that she was, but not anymore apparently. "My other ex never said I acted like I was BPD! I was just really stressed/depressed/lonely/anxious when I cheated on you." If anyone has read my story, you know just how crazy she was.

WOW... .WOW... .WOW!

First of all, your description of your relationship EXACTLY described what I went thru. EXACTLY.

And it's my ex's repeating pattern.

I have goosebumps at:

1. Her immediate response (BPD Creepy).

2. Her anger. (BPD Typical).

3. Her need to aggressively cCONTRO your anonymous post (it was anonymous, right?)

4. Her listing her behaviors and thinking that they are "normal

5. Her abusive attacking language and demeanor

6. Did I mention her IMMEDIATELY need to Control you?

7. Her obvious state of denial!

8. She has absolutely no boundaries.

I feel for you... .If possible, I would not post on that forum any more... .why feed the fire... .Process it elsewhere and just avoid her abuse. That would be being the bigger person and taking care of you.

If you post there and you know she goes there it is direct contact. No?

NC is best with this one. Interacting will bear no healthy fruit. She is sick and untreated.

Go total NC. Set boundaries. Enforce them.

The healthy and mature thing for you is Total NC? Engaging with that mess and expecting any kind of positive outcome shows that YOU are still in a very unhealthy relationship.

Good luck.

By description of my relationship with my ex, are you referring to my first thread I made on bpdfamily which explained my whole story? Or just this situation that occurred last night?

1. I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about.

2. She hates that I label her as BPD even though she is the one who admitted to me to having it (but not anymore, apparently!)

3. No, she knows my username on this other forum a visit. So she can simply check my post history. She lies and says she just so happens to stumble across my posts in threads, but I don't believe her. The forum has very high traffic and new threads posted can end up on the second or third page in a minute or two.

4. Yeah, I don't get that. Sometimes she knows her behavior is not normal, other times it apparently is. She sometimes gets moments of clarity, but they always vanish.

5. Don't know why she had to call me a ___ty person. Because I said she has BPD, I guess? Just last month on the phone to me she said I was the best boyfriend she ever had and that she regrets what she did to screw the relationship up. She has very little paint in her bucket to make me black. I treated her very kindly.

6. You mean by telling me to stop talking about her?

7. Mmhmm. So used to it, dude.

8. She really doesn't. Didn't when she came on to me that night when I went to visit and didn't when I asked her not to contact me again back on the 4th. I told her on the phone last night she has none and she said that she does because, ":)o you have any idea how many guys message me on POF? I could be having sex with a different guy every night if I wanted to, but I don't because I do have boundaries!"

Screw her. She only visits that forum first and foremost to see my posts. If anything, I would just need to make a new account. Even then, I'd be paranoid she'd somehow discover it. I just won't mention her anymore maybe.

I see. ... .so you enjoy all the drama. Got it.

Not at all. The drama makes me literally ill. My anxiety has been bad lately and I don't have much of an appetite. I just don't like the fact that I have to forfeit my account (one I made back in 2011 and established a very good reputation on) because of my ex-girlfriend. That's all. I probably will end up making a new one. It's her only means of keeping tabs on me as I don't have any social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ect.)

[Visitor]

"I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about"

You knew she read your post therefore you wrote this knowing she would read it. It was a passive aggressive way of communicating your feelings towards her.



What you did was not very nice. Take responsibility.

The rest of your interactions is just drama.

You quite obvioulsy are not over your ex yet and need more time.

[Infared]

"I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about"

You knew she read your post therefore you wrote this knowing she would read it. It was a passive aggressive way of communicating your feelings towards her.



What you did was not very nice. Take responsibility.

The rest of your interactions is just drama.

You quite obvioulsy are not over your ex yet and need more time.

+1

[Maternus]

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Maybe you should care if you want to go NC. I stopped posting in the forums I used to visit while I was with my ex. I don't want to leave anything behind that's able to trigger her. To her I'm vanished without a trace - that's the only way to stay NC.

[Suzn]

It's her only means of keeping tabs on me as I don't have any social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ect.)

Or is it the only means of contact for you?

Paperlung would you ask a diabetic to sit down and eat a piece of cake with you?  (I don't think you would)

You have a diagnosis here. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This is no joke. This disorder can take years to treat with a willing person. She is quite obviously now on the defensive. This contact will NOT help her and it certainly isn't helping you.

What you are going through is normal paperlung, it hurts to let go. I get it, I've been there too. It was only when I realized that *I* was a trigger for her disorder that I could let go, get out of the way and start focusing on MY issues.

It is sometimes a show of love and compassion to leave someone with themselves. What they do with themselves is entirely up to them.

[fromheeltoheal]

It is sometimes a show of love and compassion to leave someone with themselves. What they do with themselves is entirely up to them.

Yes, and for a borderline, someone who expects to be persecuted, questions they ask themselves in the wake of the consequences of their own actions are the ones that get through, since anything external will be seen through that persecution lens.

[paperlung]

"I know! I was getting ready to to bed; I had class in the morning. Turned my laptop off, turned off the lights, and all of a sudden my phone vibrates and it's her, . I knew right away what it was going to be about"

You knew she read your post therefore you wrote this knowing she would read it. It was a passive aggressive way of communicating your feelings towards her.



What you did was not very nice. Take responsibility.

The rest of your interactions is just drama.

You quite obviously are not over your ex yet and need more time.

I do take responsibility for it. I didn't write it with the intention of making her mad or to start drama (get her to contact me). I only did it because I was frustrated with her denial lately. She had been texting me lots before moving back about getting on-going help/therapy/treatment, but once she did move back, she said she was fine and didn't need it anymore. I guess I thought in some stupid, messed up way my message would get her self-reflecting a bit. I'm an idiot.

I'm still detaching.

So there's this other forum I visit, completely different environment from this place, and she knows I post there. She even admitted to knowing my username, so she reads all my posts. I don't care, though.

Maybe you should care if you want to go NC. I stopped posting in the forums I used to visit while I was with my ex. I don't want to leave anything behind that's able to trigger her. To her I'm vanished without a trace - that's the only way to stay NC.

Yeah, I've decided to stop posting on that forum.

It's her only means of keeping tabs on me as I don't have any social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ect.)

Or is it the only means of contact for you?

Paperlung would you ask a diabetic to sit down and eat a piece of cake with you?  (I don't think you would)

You have a diagnosis here. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This is no joke. This disorder can take years to treat with a willing person. She is quite obviously now on the defensive. This contact will NOT help her and it certainly isn't helping you.

What you are going through is normal paperlung, it hurts to let go. I get it, I've been there too. It was only when I realized that *I* was a trigger for her disorder that I could let go, get out of the way and start focusing on MY issues.

It is sometimes a show of love and compassion to leave someone with themselves. What they do with themselves is entirely up to them.

I've rarely ever talked about her specifically on that forum, so I don't think I'm trying to make indirect contact with her. The BPD message, however? Yeah, okay. My bad on that one. Even if I knew she didn't know my username, I still probably would've posted in that thread. I'm not going to post on that forum anymore, though. I've made up my mind today. After this, her last line of connection with me will have been terminated.

Before I found out she new my username and was reading my posts, I would talk about the places I was going, the people I was seeing, ect. So it allowed her to keep up to date on what I was doing during NC.