Is this considered when a BPD dysregulates? ... Horrible text message from BPD

[whythisgirl]

":)isclaimer: This message has a lot of untrue derogatory statements. I apologize if advance for the profanity"

Can you tell me if this is considered dysregulation?

My BPD-NPDexbf broke it off with me on Monday over something really small. Yesterday and today he has sent me the most hurtful yet disrespectful text I have ever seen in my life. Just some background... the reason he broke it off with me is because my nonBPDex prior to him knows my new phone number. When I met my BPDex he was fully aware that my nonBPDex and I have an arrangement with sharing our dog. I keep the dog most of the times and at other times my nonBPDex keeps the dog. A few weeks ago I changed my number because my BPDex was sending harassing texts. I recycled him back twice since Dec.

Last week  my BPDex and I went out of town and I had my nonBPDex keep the dog. So my BPDex asked if my nonBPDex had my number and I told him yes. He flipped out and told he doesn’t want to speak to me ever again. Well the last 2 days he has sent me text that starts off nice such as “My mother told me to thank you for the scarves you sent her” and “I got the job” (this is where his NPD side kicks in). As soon as I respond with a positive statement (e.g. Congrats I wish you the best of luck) he began blasting the messages below. Embrace yourself it’s really derogatory. This is only a small sample of what he sent me. I don’t even know half the things he is talking about.

BPDex Text Messages:

Don't bother with the bull___ excuses and lyes it's not worth it, I honesty can say I don't like who u are he can keep his b___ yes "HIS BITCH" don't need nor want you your useless to me, can't love a female I can't trust... .Your loyalties are for who ur other man and I see how u treat that smh so I'm the fool for expecting more out of u... .I'm mad at myself for even txtn u this bull___ txt u don't deserve it... .U like it tho makes u feel special like u hot ___ smh u funny look in the mirror  . U musta hated me bc of my sexyness an confidence even when my pockets are empty. I kno things u don't that's why u think I'm crazy. I am so stay with ur mr sane 

I don't fight over ___s it's too much of y'all not too much of me... .Plenty of who u live with not many of me but ur too ___ing dumb to kno what's real ... .I don't entertain or love up on b___es! U proved ur not a loyal or honest person too many times for my liking... .I'm so disappointed in myself for going along with ur fakery an lyes... .Ur a cheater! A lame b___ at that! No respect no honesty can't trust u, say one thing then do another just like a ___ ___ off b___... .U chose! Keep making them lame ass moves he'll be up there with u or I'll be taking care of him from far bc u love it it makes u feel useful and loved... .I can't ___ wit a low self esteem b___ like u u prone to be a cheating lying b___ yall can keep that ___ing swines!

Silly girl! Try harder than that u locus I can use other defamatory terms if u'd like... .Why u feel the need to be a piggy? U loved me? Yet still ur in a hotel that I was in with u out of state contacting a man u "were with" with as soon as I leave supposedly... .Your pathetic! All u have is a job and a bad shopping problem you'll be okay tho just keep contacting an carrying ur person with u through life it makes u feel like somebody   ... .Don't be mad at me for being blessed with brains, natural style, beauty and principles... .U could of learned a few things of value from me but u thought u had it all figure out. Keep that attitude it got u that far sure it will bring y'all further... .U love him so just admit it no need to front... .Like I said I don't fight or compete over b___es y'all are a penny a dozen I'm a rare one of a kind  ... .You too stupid to recognize a diamond when u posses one u rather play with a dirty pebble... .

[Copperfox]

Wow, that is insane.  Hard to say what's going on in his head, but he does appear emotionally dysregulated, as per my experience.

Either way, I would not respond to that in any way, shape, or form.  Silence is golden.

[fromheeltoheal]

Labels and analysis aside, focus on whether or not someone who talks to you like that is a positive addition to your life.  One way is to imagine a girlfriend or a stranger talking to you like that; what would you think?  You are on the Leaving board, and good for you, and maybe it's time to eliminate those messages from your world and start to heal?  Take care of you!

[Inside]

I agree with Copperfox… that guy’s nuts   I guess keeping such an insane rant inside his head might be considered as ‘regulating’ his behavior ... .but if that’s an indication of the ‘dysregulated’ crap going through his head - I'd stay away!  I’d also keep those text in case law enforcement is ever necessary.  

It’s said the best (and likely safest) way to escape them is to bore them…  Not responding seems wise, but if or when you must, keep it dull!

[sirensong65]

Narcissism much?  I say he did you a favor.  RUN don't walk.

[Suzn]

Yes, this is dysregulation. It seems that your ex having your new number triggered his abandonment fears. He's telling you straight out that he requires you to chose... .so that he can be OK. It's quite obvious that he can't fathom a commitment to a an ex in regards to a pet you shared, HE wouldn't be capable of such a commitment. Everything he is accusing you of he would likely do himself if the tables were turned.

[Recooperating]

I am so sorry WhyThisGirl you had to receive this!

Please delete his number, block him and RUN! Stay NC no matter what.

I have received messages like this to, over the exact same reasons.

First time I received an email like this I was in shock! "How could this man I loved and who was suppose to love me, send me this? I didnt know a thing about Npd or Bpd back then.

He also sent my best friend an email like this... .Full of rage and jealousy of our friendship... , (suggesting to buy strap-ons since we must have been lesbians... .)

Believe it or not I recycled a month later, only to get the same results and he flipped out again over small stuff.

I read somewhere that 47% of the males with BPD are comorbid with NPD and I really believe my dBPDexbf is also NPD.

As for your well being; please block him. Go fully NC... .Believe me; there's more crap coming your way, he's not finished with you yet! Protect yourself from receiving this kind of mails and texts. Do not let his words get to you! Do not think about them, dont think that they have even the slightest bit of truth in them! Dont doubt yourself! These are words of a very sick man! Take care of yourself and please realize that a man who can write this could also snap and become psysically violent! They are unpredictable! Its essential to take care of you!

Good luck and big hugs!

[Recooperating]

Oh and btw; the time he send me a mail like this full of accusations I was cheating and just a little sl*t... .I found out he was cheating on me. Projection 101!

[drummerboy]

Do not underestimate how horrible these people can become. My ex was a totally adorable, cute, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth until the end when she did unspeakable things. Total NC, no ifs ands or buts. Contact the police if things escalate. Under no circumstances respond to this. This nightmare can only end if you stop playing the game.

[Tibbles]

Wow - yes that's deregulation and out of control. Feelings only fuelling that rant. Feels an emotion, so it must be true and must be alleviated at all costs. Once they get started on that merry-go-round they wind themselves up more and more and more till like a pressure cooker they have to burst forth and that's the result. Not nice to receive and not nice for you to read either.

Last one of those I got was in a message on my mobile. I listened for 5 sec to see what he wanted then hung up. I got a tape recorder and recorded it in another room so I didn't have to listen to it but I have it if I need it as evidence in the divorce. Was quite weird, for about 15 min in the back ground I could hear him screaming at me but couldn't hear what he actually said. Still haven't listened to it, not going to either unless divorce gets nasty. Texts I've decided to delete, don't want to put myself through reading and typing them out - I totally get why you did though- but for me I have decided that sh... .doesn't belong in my life any more. E-mails I don't read but put in a  folder so again they are there if needed in a divorce.

It's taken me a long time to learn to protect myself from his cr... ., but I feel so much better now I can. I used to feel-what if there is something important in there I need to know about. Never was never will be. What he has written is total cr... .All make believe in his head and you are not responsible for any of it. I so feel for you getting messages like that. Take care of you x x x x x

[Alberto]

You made him feel alone and abandoned, and then is when s*** hits the fan with pwBPD.

[itgirl]

this is dysregulation.  My ex sent me horrible texts over December.  It was so bad I thought she would come and kill me in my sleep.  Now after about a month I am painted so white again.  I am being love bombed.  And I am not sure what to make of it.

Don't reply.  It will escalate but soon they will get bored or paint you white and recycle you.

[whythisgirl]

Wow, that is insane.  Hard to say what's going on in his head, but he does appear emotionally dysregulated, as per my experience.

Either way, I would not respond to that in any way, shape, or form.  Silence is golden.

Silence is golden! He sent an apology last night but I still haven't responded. After 7 hours of his crazy text I figured the apology is worthless. He can live with that. No more recycling for me.

[whythisgirl]

Labels and analysis aside, focus on whether or not someone who talks to you like that is a positive addition to your life.  One way is to imagine a girlfriend or a stranger talking to you like that; what would you think?  You are on the Leaving board, and good for you, and maybe it's time to eliminate those messages from your world and start to heal?  Take care of you!

You are absolutely right!  I do not condone anyone speaking to me in that way. He has me broken and I'm doing my best to try to find things I enjoy doing and being about people that makes me happy. This board encourages me to look forward and avoid taking a step back.

[whythisgirl]

I agree with Copperfox… that guy’s nuts   I guess keeping such an insane rant inside his head might be considered as ‘regulating’ his behavior ... .but if that’s an indication of the ‘dysregulated’ crap going through his head - I'd stay away!  I’d also keep those text in case law enforcement is ever necessary.  

It’s said the best (and likely safest) way to escape them is to bore them…  Not responding seems wise, but if or when you must, keep it dull!

It got so bad yesterday I finally responded and told him that he's harassing me. His text got milder and he sent an apology later. I will definitely keep it. His moods are very scary.

[whythisgirl]

Yes, this is dysregulation. It seems that your ex having your new number triggered his abandonment fears. He's telling you straight out that he requires you to chose... .so that he can be OK. It's quite obvious that he can't fathom a commitment to a an ex in regards to a pet you shared, HE wouldn't be capable of such a commitment. Everything he is accusing you of he would likely do himself if the tables were turned.

I believe that would be the case. He has this black and white thinking that everyone is evil and has an ulterior motive. He is very strange. I wish I didn't ignore those red flags in the beginning.

[whythisgirl]

Oh and btw; the time he send me a mail like this full of accusations I was cheating and just a little sl*t... .I found out he was cheating on me. Projection 101!

Thanks for your advice! I did block him and can see he was still sending message but didn't bother going into that inbox to read them. I recycled him twice in the past 2 months and each time he gets worse. I think he believe I will take the abuse and comeback. I believe is is projecting. A few weeks ago I asked if he ever speaks to any exes and he smiled and said that 2 have contacted him since we were together but he only said hello. Now he complains that I'm not forthcoming but he has never been forthcoming about exgf contacting him. Perhaps he has been cheating this entire time. They can have his crazy behind.

[whythisgirl]

Do not underestimate how horrible these people can become. My ex was a totally adorable, cute, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth until the end when she did unspeakable things. Total NC, no ifs ands or buts. Contact the police if things escalate. Under no circumstances respond to this. This nightmare can only end if you stop playing the game.

I agree! I'm sticking to no contact. He always wheels me in by starting off with a nice text then he throws daggers once I respond. I'm not entertaining his game any longer.

[whythisgirl]

Wow - yes that's deregulation and out of control. Feelings only fuelling that rant. Feels an emotion, so it must be true and must be alleviated at all costs. Once they get started on that merry-go-round they wind themselves up more and more and more till like a pressure cooker they have to burst forth and that's the result. Not nice to receive and not nice for you to read either.

Last one of those I got was in a message on my mobile. I listened for 5 sec to see what he wanted then hung up. I got a tape recorder and recorded it in another room so I didn't have to listen to it but I have it if I need it as evidence in the divorce. Was quite weird, for about 15 min in the back ground I could hear him screaming at me but couldn't hear what he actually said. Still haven't listened to it, not going to either unless divorce gets nasty. Texts I've decided to delete, don't want to put myself through reading and typing them out - I totally get why you did though- but for me I have decided that sh... .doesn't belong in my life any more. E-mails I don't read but put in a  folder so again they are there if needed in a divorce.

It's taken me a long time to learn to protect myself from his cr... ., but I feel so much better now I can. I used to feel-what if there is something important in there I need to know about. Never was never will be. What he has written is total cr... .All make believe in his head and you are not responsible for any of it. I so feel for you getting messages like that. Take care of you x x x x x

I'm glad to hear you were able to move from him! In the past I would delete all his bad messages but this time I'm keeping them to remind me to never go back to someone who can say these things to me. As everyone else has stated I need to RUN!

[whythisgirl]

this is dysregulation.  My ex sent me horrible texts over December.  It was so bad I thought she would come and kill me in my sleep.  Now after about a month I am painted so white again.  I am being love bombed.  And I am not sure what to make of it.

Don't reply.  It will escalate but soon they will get bored or paint you white and recycle you.

Thisi has been a pattern since Oct. It gets worse each time I left him back in. He doesn't respect my boundaries it his way or no way. I found myself too many tines apologizing for things I didn't do to get on his good side. I lost too much money having him in my life. In the summer he because himless because of a fight he had with his father. I paid for a place for him to stay for 4 months. The least he could do is have more respect for me. But can't fix a crazy mind. He calls me crazy which is funny. But I am crazy to have put up with this abuse for so long.

[BorisAcusio]

You made him feel alone and abandoned, and then is when s*** hits the fan with pwBPD.

Over time you're going to have some compassion for them as almost all of us were pushed beyond our boudaries and dysregulated in some form.