Jammo... .yes... I believe so. Knowing that makes it worse for me though.
The way I see it with mine (think mind of 7-year-old child)... .I think because I had not asked her to marry me that she built up a huge resentment but never told me how angry she was.
She never sat down and had a heart to heart... .just built it up inside and started cheating on me to "get even"? Then she abruptly ran off a week before Christmas with this guy and as she was doing it she turned into satan... .someone that I had never met... .but I saw plenty of signs of this behavior before I dated her directed at another innocent bystander (the last guy she was with).
So, if yours is like mine... it's the same behavior times ten with all the baby stuff thrown in. I think that your thinking is spot-on.
Ad to that... .they left so abruptly (yours immediately got pregnant... .and most likely tricked the guy to make THAT happen)... .but they never process the end of "our" relationship like two loving adults would who can't get their relationship to work out. There is no adult discussion and normal closure.
So they have all this new drama going on but I think that underneath they have the pain of our unprocessed discarding and it comes out toward us as love reversed: hate. Afterall we refused to buy them that doll they saw in the window! Super immature ( very sick).
It is brutal on us... we did not understand the person we were involved with. Not even close.
We were too wrapped up in who they wanted us to think they were. That person was not who they ACTUALLY are.
You are finding that out now. I feel for you brother. Just try to stay NC, learn and heal.
Thanks for your response Infared, I think their mentality isnt based on the needs of the child or their partner, but the needs of themselves. For example, I think your right if they want something from you and they dont get it, they will get it from someone else, in my case a 3rd child to add to the chaos. Shes almost saying " If you dont want a baby with me, (insert name) will" I honestly think when we say no to these requests, they dont use rational thinking like financial stability, environment and future, but instead they feel an intense rejection as if to say "Oh so im not worthy or good enough to have your baby then?" This then leads to an intense hate towards us and by doing so will act out impulsively or silence us by cutting all ties. I also think that when the next guy who lacks control happily impregnates her she doesnt think about the future of the relationship but instead it soothes the rejection they felt towards our decisions. This is probably why she is happy to get pregnant so soon knowing full well that life is almost guaranteed to be a struggle with a new child because both of them know they cant provide for it financially, and this in turn means more benefits to keep them both a float.
