It is NICE to say no.

[nowwhatz]

Not annoyed. Not irritated. Slightly happy with myself for again saying "I can't" to the exBPDgf.  This latest request is the best one yet.

Yesterday I see on my FB notification the exgf posts "feeling excited" and then "I am buying a car!"

I was surprised at this since she has no money, no credit and doesn't make enough for a car or insurance right now. But happy for her and happy for me because I ain't paying for it.

Well... .this morning I get a call on my business line from her which she knows never to call unless there is some big emergency so I pick up. She says "I called and texted your other phone" so I go to my other phone and there is a text which says "can I borrow $400.00 from you for the car? I will clean your house."

So I am on the phone with her at this time and simply say "I can't do that" and tell her maybe she will find some other way then change subject how ya doing... .not good... .and talk to you later.

It is nice to say no.

[Rise]

Good job nowwhatz 

That's a big step. It's amazing how hard it is for some of us to simply tell someone no. But setting boundaries like that, and being able to stand by them is important for us developing healthy relationships with others, and ourselves. Be proud.

[Suzn]

But happy for her and happy for me because I ain't paying for it.

Good for you for standing your ground dude. 

[Tim300]

Ha, thanks for sharing this.  I think we might have dated the same girl. 

Don't pay. 

[hergestridge]

It's a whole new world after the separation. Saying "no", knowing she doesn't have the same hold on you that she used to.

Often, she facebook conversations just end with her not replying. The silent treatme doesn't work from afar... .:-)

[Mr Hollande]

Saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

[Perdita]

Good job! 

[nowwhatz]

Good job nowwhatz 

That's a big step. It's amazing how hard it is for some of us to simply tell someone no. But setting boundaries like that, and being able to stand by them is important for us developing healthy relationships with others, and ourselves. Be proud.

Thank you!

I had to check myself to make sure I did not give any explanation to her.

My work truck has lifter knock and I am going to need whatever little amount of $ I have left to address that.  Even if I wanted to I could not help her at all. My expenses are astronomical and I am just beginning to take baby steps to dig myself out of of deep hole financially.

It is funny... .she called me last night (before her request) and I congratulated her on her car. I assumed she had squeezed a good sum of money out of some alternate source to pay for it. Then she said her blood pressure was very high. I asked her why and she said because of the car... .I told her don't worry about it you will be fine at that was that.

Then this morning her phone call and text request for $$$.

Geeeez. 

[willtimeheal]

Saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

Well said!

She talked about her blood pressure to get sympathy and to try and make you feel sorry for her. She had every intention of asking you for the money. She just wanted to lay the trap first. Good job not walking into it.

I do like what Mr Hollande said... .saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

You are still playing a game with her and enmeshed with her. It's not healthy. It's hard to break. I am struggling with that myself.

[nowwhatz]

Saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

I know saying nothing is the best in most cases and maybe eventually mine.

At this time I am sticking with limited contact and building boundaries. I need practice at setting boundaries.  No puedo so far so good.

I changed her contact pic on my phone to a funny one I found online... .shows a little sad face with huge teary eyes saying "ME PRESTAS DINERO? ALGUN DIA TE PAGARE.  hahahaha   Every time she calls or texts this pic pops up

www.memegenerator.es/meme/1187818

[nowwhatz]

Saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

Well said!

She talked about her blood pressure to get sympathy and to try and make you feel sorry for her. She had every intention of asking you for the money. She just wanted to lay the trap first. Good job not walking into it.

I do like what Mr Hollande said... .saying no is nice, saying nothing is even better.

You are still playing a game with her and enmeshed with her. It's not healthy. It's hard to break. I am struggling with that myself.

I didn't feel sorry.

I am friends with some members of her family from Mexico which complicates going totally NC.  While it is true I am enmeshed I am starting to view this as a fight that I have to win.  For me maintaining limited contact and not getting sucked in is almost like the ultimate challenge.  She is a pathetic figure and not the least bit threatening. She will be fine and probably eventually find a very elderly sugar daddy in an iron lung to pay her bills... .or go back to Mexico permanently and take care of her Mom.

[nowwhatz]

Good job! 

Thanks! finally growing some huevos I suppose.

[Mr Hollande]

Seriously Nowwhatz, well done for deflecting her attempt. The front on her to even think it. Keep on keeping her out!

[Matt8888]

My ex and I split right before Christmas.  You know how pwBPD are... .never have any money?  Well her mom needed a bunch of medications.  She has diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, etc.  Well, my ex had the audacity to ask me for $150 for "moms" meds.  She said, " I know you hate me, but do this for mom".  I said no way. 

Well, then she begs and pleads that she needs the money.  I told her I'd buy the insulin and the other ones that keep her alive.  Just to be nice.  However, she said she was going to wait until the next day to get the meds.  Her mother was completly out of insulin and there could be serious reprocusions if she is out.

So I told her I'd drive her mom to the pharmacy to get the important meds.  Well, turns out with her different insurances, she didn't have to pay a dime for a copay.  My ex knew that all along and would have just pocketed the money and used me yet again.

I'm so proud of myself for saying no

[Mr Hollande]

Reminds me of the scene in Falling Down where Michael Douglas offers the junkie who "wants money for food" his sandwich and gets a torrent of abuse. 

[nowwhatz]

My ex and I split right before Christmas.  You know how pwBPD are... .never have any money?  Well her mom needed a bunch of medications.  She has diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, etc.  Well, my ex had the audacity to ask me for $150 for "moms" meds.  She said, " I know you hate me, but do this for mom".  I said no way. 

Well, then she begs and pleads that she needs the money.  I told her I'd buy the insulin and the other ones that keep her alive.  Just to be nice.  However, she said she was going to wait until the next day to get the meds.  Her mother was completly out of insulin and there could be serious reprocusions if she is out.

So I told her I'd drive her mom to the pharmacy to get the important meds.  Well, turns out with her different insurances, she didn't have to pay a dime for a copay.  My ex knew that all along and would have just pocketed the money and used me yet again.

I'm so proud of myself for saying no

Kudos to you! Great job!

I wasn't as strong while in the r/s and would give in to requests to "pay money borrowed from her sister" and the like. Sometimes it was true but was always a lie in there somewhere... .either to me... .or to her sister, mom or even son when she borrowed money.  In recent times the use of any money was more legit than in the past but still somebody got played somewhere.

I could go on and on... .apparently I was not the biggest sucker if that is any consolation.  Her ex-husband and stepdad to her son paid 25k + in the last 2 years for in attorneys fees to keep her out of jail and for her hernia operation... .while he knew she was going out with me.  Poor guy. Once he told me he was suffering from "survivor's remorse."

[nowwhatz]

Seriously Nowwhatz, well done for deflecting her attempt. The front on her to even think it. Keep on keeping her out!

Thanks Mr. Hollande!

I am keeping her text in my messages on my phone (with the pathetic cartoon icon as her profile pic) to remind me.

A couple weeks ago I changed her contact name in my phone to Zzzzzz.

The actual text from Zzzzzz reads verbatim  "Can i borrow u money for my car 400 i need pay today, i can clean ur house please?"

Priceless.