Not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi

First time on this site and really could do with your help.

My partner of 3 years (on and off) has only recently been diagnosed with BPD, as stated we have had a on/off relationship mainly due to the fact that i have no idea how to cope with the mood swings from at present my ex partner.  We can be doing fine, having a good relationship, booking holidays and enjoying each others company and for no reason he will suddenly change his mood & becomes abusive, gives me gifts back, wants all his belongings moved out and it literally is for no reason at all.  He usually calms down from anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks, thats with me being supportive and saying its all ok and all the hurtful things he has said and done dont matter... .but they do and i really cant take no more.  He never apologises and usually starts of blaming me for everything, not being loving enough etc, which i know i am.  I do love him but the constant not knowing what mood he will be in is draining and i cant take anymore.  He is refusing to go for any help, do i just stay away now?

[Kaydan]

Hi

First time on this site and really could do with your help.

My partner of 3 years (on and off) has only recently been diagnosed with BPD, as stated we have had a on/off relationship mainly due to the fact that i have no idea how to cope with the mood swings from at present my ex partner.  We can be doing fine, having a good relationship, booking holidays and enjoying each others company and for no reason he will suddenly change his mood & becomes abusive, gives me gifts back, wants all his belongings moved out and it literally is for no reason at all.  He usually calms down from anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks, thats with me being supportive and saying its all ok and all the hurtful things he has said and done dont matter... .but they do and i really cant take no more.  He never apologises and usually starts of blaming me for everything, not being loving enough etc, which i know i am.  I do love him but the constant not knowing what mood he will be in is draining and i cant take anymore.  He is refusing to go for any help, do i just stay away now?

[Mutt]

Hi Kaydan,



It's hard not knowing what mood your SO will be in and it's draining   I can relate.

A pwBPD have a high level of rejection sensitivity, don't value themselves, don't trust themselves or others. He never apologises and blames you for everything because it's a defense mechanism called projection that works unconsciously. Projection rejects what is emotionally unacceptable. A pwBPD feel a lot of embarrassment, guilt and shame and often project those negative feelings, actions and attribute these feelings and actions on others. It's frustrating when you're blamed for everything and you can't get your SO to empathize and see your side.

I'm sorry he's refusing help. What sort of help was suggested and how?

[Tim300]

do i just stay away now?

I would take this time to read thoroughly about BPD.  Read online forums.  Watch YouTube vidoes and read the comments.  Read books.  You are at a major advantage compared to many others who didn't identify BPD before things got very emotionally and even physically dangerous.  To generalize, as the relationship grows, the pendulum of love/hate tends to swing at increasingly strong degrees with increasing speed.  If you read enough I think you will come to a firm conclusion about how to proceed.