Stalemate

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I am at a stalemate with my uBPD mother, my uBPD sister, and my Dad who has narcisistic traits.  I have kind of taken a firm boundary position with them all.  I haven't gone NC, but if someone crosses the boundary I immediately address it, whether it is asking them to leave, getting off the phone, or whatever.  As a result, I feel like the black sheep of the family and have literally no real relationship with any of them right now.  As a result, I feel very alone.  I am just feeling a little down in the dumps right now about it, because I could use some support in general.  Most people turn to their family, and I guess people in our situation can't really get that support.  And sometimes I wonder if my expectations of "support" are unrealistic because I was so enmeshed with my mom growing up.  Like maybe I want a closeness that just is not practical.  Anyway, this post is more of a vent, than seeking advice.  I guess I am at the point where I feel like, do I just wave the white flag, is that easier, or do I keep at this boundary stuff.  I don't want to lose the progress that I have made.  Thanks for listening.   

[Change2014]

I am at a stalemate with my uBPD mother, my uBPD sister, and my Dad who has narcisistic traits.  I have kind of taken a firm boundary position with them all.  I haven't gone NC, but if someone crosses the boundary I immediately address it, whether it is asking them to leave, getting off the phone, or whatever.  As a result, I feel like the black sheep of the family and have literally no real relationship with any of them right now.  As a result, I feel very alone.  I am just feeling a little down in the dumps right now about it, because I could use some support in general.  Most people turn to their family, and I guess people in our situation can't really get that support.  And sometimes I wonder if my expectations of "support" are unrealistic because I was so enmeshed with my mom growing up.  Like maybe I want a closeness that just is not practical.  Anyway, this post is more of a vent, than seeking advice.  I guess I am at the point where I feel like, do I just wave the white flag, is that easier, or do I keep at this boundary stuff.  I don't want to lose the progress that I have made.  Thanks for listening.   

[Kwamina]

Hi Change2014,

How are you feeling now?

I guess I am at the point where I feel like, do I just wave the white flag, is that easier, or do I keep at this boundary stuff.  I don't want to lose the progress that I have made.

You were feeling alone and down when you wrote this post. Perhaps it's best to wait a few days before deciding whether to relax your boundaries. This will give you some time to regain your composure and distance yourself from the emotions you're feeling now.

I do think that the way you're feeling is probably quite normal since this whole situation that is developing after you set boundaries, is also quite new for you of course. It might take some time to reach a point that you're more comfortable with this new 'reality'. You were probably very used to the old situation, even-though you might not have liked that old situation. It was still familiar territory and this isn't.

[Change2014]

Thank you Kwamina for the words of encouragement.  I was definitely having a down day and some perspective helped.  You are right, this is very unfamiliar territory.  Not being on at some kind of speaking terms with my entire family is very different.  I am sticking to my guns and keeping my boundaries.  I guess I wasn't prepared for the consequences, such as my family cutting me off.  I am sure it is just a stage with them, but I know that I need to stay strong to my boundaries.