What happens when two borderlines fall for each other?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Anyone know? I'm having a giggle to myself just thinking about it. What a car crash that would be 

[brokenbutalive]

Anyone know? I'm having a giggle to myself just thinking about it. What a car crash that would be 

[Trog]

Two Nons live happily ever after?

[Maternus]

Two empty mirrors try to mirror each other?

[neverloveagain]

Its the only time they might truely get hurt. They will canabilise each other depending who is most dominant of the other. Sad but true.

[NonAverageJoe]

I imagine it's analogous to when black holes begin to orbit one another.

[lipstick]

Hi brokenbutalive,

My ex and his spouse are (I believe) both BPD. He is, and she is either BPD, NPD or both.  They have been together (except for me) for 26 years now. According to Facebook - he is now one of the happiest, most content guys on the planet.

Mind you - this woman has punched him in the face and broken his nose. Struck his vehicle with hers. Gotten them banned from restaurants. AND she hides behind religion to excuse her behavior. Plus - they're both alcoholics. The marriage is devoid of sexual intimacy (stopped about 13 or 14 years ago) and she depends on him for everything. Can't support herself. She's also twelve years his senior (63). She also has a long record of domestic violence starting with her first marriage. Nice, huh? Yet he dumped me to run back to this. So he must like it.

No thanks. 

[NYMike]

Two Nons live happily ever after?

LOL,LOL... .So true

[Confused?]

I actually think it would work quite well. My ex was very clingy as BPDs are. It kinda got to the point where I needed my own space and was getting mad of needing to give her constant attention. So if two people were like that then it would probably work. Another thing my ex did was have intense feelings that made her an emotional wreck. I would ask her what's bothering her and she said nobody understands me. So two borderlines would understand eachother. Now onto the lying. This might not work so well as borderlines probably know all the games they play and the manipulations and lies. That part might turn out really bad. But they might not need to use these tactics to draw eachother closer since they feel the same way. Who knows just my input.

[eyvindr]

That actually was funny -- thanks, Trog.

Two Nons live happily ever after?

LOL,LOL... .So true

But I can't even think about it.

[cehlers55]

They probably get married and have children who end up on death row.

[Tim300]

They probably get married and have children who end up on death row.

Yes.

[Maternus]

Two Nons live happily ever after?

LOL,LOL... .So true

But when they have children, the drama continues.

[Dibdob59]

Cehlers55 and Tim300

Seriously?

I read these boards constantly, both this one and parenting a son/daughter with BPD. 

I understand that there is a great deal of anger, bitterness and pain on this board. I have been married to my UBPD/NPD husband for over 36 years and have experienced horrific situations and insane behaviours that I could never repeat to anyone.  I have sought help from any and every source possible to live through this madness.

However I also have an UBPDS 30 who has two children aged 6 and 8 with his ex partner who is UBPD so my grandchildren are the potential death row inmates you are referring to here.

I don't see such remarks as being necessary.  I live every moment trying to be mindful, live in the now and not dread the future or wait for "the other shoe to drop".  Such thoughtless comments can cause intense distress to others and serve little purpose that I can see.

[Tim300]

Cehlers55 and Tim300

Seriously?

I read these boards constantly, both this one and parenting a son/daughter with BPD.  

I understand that there is a great deal of anger, bitterness and pain on this board. I have been married to my UBPD/NPD husband for over 36 years and have experienced horrific situations and insane behaviours that I could never repeat to anyone.  I have sought help from any and every source possible to live through this madness.

However I also have an UBPDS 30 who has two children aged 6 and 8 with his ex partner who is UBPD so my grandchildren are the potential death row inmates you are referring to here.

I don't see such remarks as being necessary.  I live every moment trying to be mindful, live in the now and not dread the future or wait for "the other shoe to drop".  Such thoughtless comments can cause intense distress to others and serve little purpose that I can see.

I am sorry for the distress, and I feel empathy for your situation.  I think Cehlers55 was being slightly tongue and cheek.  

At the same time though, I don't think it should be swept under the rug that some people with BPD have an abnormally difficult time controlling their impulsive emotions, and this can involve putting their closest love ones in serious physically jeopardy.  My ex-fiancee / soul mate / best friend physically attacked me and made a very specific death threat about killing me in the middle of the night, all because of the distress of her unfounded perceptions that I might abandon her.  (This was among other odd, sick behavior I witnessed.)  Perhaps Cehlers55 had a similar experience, as many others here have.  I love my BPDex-fiancee unconditionally, but it wouldn't surprise me for a second if she killed someone, including a best friend or close relative.  I also strongly believe that BPD is primarily genetic (and that environmental reinforcement doesn't help).  I will certainly try to be sensitive and PC as much as possible on these boards, but I also don't want to censor my true feelings about BPD, as I believe that that would do a disservice to interested Nons and pwBPD.  Of course, I am a Non who has been acutely impacted by this illness, so readers can de-weight by input as is appropriate given that circumstance.  I hope this seem fair.

[Dibdob59]

Tim300

I am also a non and as you can see from my post, I have been married to an UBPD male for over 36 years.  I also know what death threats to myself and others are like to experience repeatedly and I live daily with a diagnosis of PTSD which I refuse to let make me a victim or rule my life.

If you can imagine the rages, screaming, violence, threats and horrifying behaviour exhibited by a BPD female then put all of that into the body of a 6ft plus ex Marine (my husband) you will see that I am fully aware of the terrifying lives we experience with such sick individuals.

I hate being PC and I am not asking for censorship on these boards.  Nothing I said in my post implies that we should sweep under the rug the difficulty that BPDs have with controlling their emotions. It is vital that we nons can vent our true feelings about our pain and experiences.

However, making glib remarks about how children from two BPD individuals may end up on death row has no relevance to the above points that I can see. It can however cause distress to those of us who are struggling daily to support small children from such relationships whilst trying to cling on to a little hope for their futures.  I hope this clarifies my point.

[Tim300]

Tim300

I am also a non and as you can see from my post, I have been married to an UBPD male for over 36 years.  I also know what death threats to myself and others are like to experience repeatedly and I live daily with a diagnosis of PTSD which I refuse to let make me a victim or rule my life.

If you can imagine the rages, screaming, violence, threats and horrifying behaviour exhibited by a BPD female then put all of that into the body of a 6ft plus ex Marine (my husband) you will see that I am fully aware of the terrifying lives we experience with such sick individuals.

I hate being PC and I am not asking for censorship on these boards.  Nothing I said in my post implies that we should sweep under the rug the difficulty that BPDs have with controlling their emotions. It is vital that we nons can vent our true feelings about our pain and experiences.

However, making glib remarks about how children from two BPD individuals may end up on death row has no relevance to the above points that I can see. It can however cause distress to those of us who are struggling daily to support small children from such relationships whilst trying to cling on to a little hope for their futures.  I hope this clarifies my point.

Yes Dibdob59.  It sounds like you deserve a Congressional Medal of Honor for sticking through all this.  My hat is off to you.  I am hoping the best for you.  I hope your grandchildren live great lives.  With all of the risks involved with having BPD, there do come some benefits (e.g., BPDs can sometimes be more artistic than nons).   

[HappyNihilist]

My exBPDbf was with a disordered woman for several years in his early 20s (before he started therapy) - it was incredibly volatile, and they just constantly hurt each other.

I'm sure it's possible for two borderlines to have successful relationships. If both are self-aware and working on themselves (independently of each other), then I think they might actually find some solace in having a partner who truly understands what they're going through.

[cehlers55]

I didn't mean to offend anyone. Anything is possible. I was exaggerating. Thankfully, you seem to be the rock in your family. I feel for any child in a bad situation without a rock such as yourself. The downward spiral has no end. Keep up the good work.