Irrational temper

[Tincup]

Hi, I am way out from the breakup with my ex.  I have been NC for quite some time as well.  I am doing great, but I am also processing still.  One issue I had with my UBPDgf was that she had a irrational temper.  What I mean by that is she would get irrationally mad at me for small things.  Just one example is one time when she texted me one afternoon and wanted me to take the next day off work so we could do something.  I had meetings scheduled all the next day and could not take it off on such short notice.  When I said I couldn't that day but could the following day, I got the following text back "I will never ask you to do this again, I clearly see where I stand."  And she preceded to break up with me that night over text.  So she would take relatively small things and blow them up.  I just wonder if others encountered such things?

[Tim300]

Yes, absolutely.  And under very similar circumstances. 

[sdyakca]

Yes, it's a common theme. One second seemingly nornal, next second the opposite. It really gets tiring.

[CloseToFreedom]

This was a major dealbreaker in my rs and the reason why I pulles back emotionally in the last year, which caused the break up. So yes this was probably the most important thing with my ex gf.

The first years it was mostly about spending all the time together and jelousy. If I didnt have time thanks to work I wouldnt hear the end of it. If I talked to a girl or went out alone she would get insane.

The last couple of years were more complicated issues. I decided to work more on myself which resulted in her feeling neglected. But she would still throw fits at random times. Like getting angry because she had to get (free) drinks one time on holiday (while i went and got them the other 99 times), or just enjoying dinner somewhere and she suddenly being angry that I didnt respond back enough about the subject she was talking about.

I became quite moody myself in the past half year and I became more and more like her. So its perhaps for the best that we broke off.

[Deeno02]

Yep. Over a vacation we were to plan, but couldnt at the time. Jeez... .

[neverloveagain]

I became quite moody myself in the past half year and I became more and more like her. So its perhaps for the best that we broke off.

mine waif was. Above sums me up aswell i noticed towards the end of our time i was not myself anymore, a mere shadow.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Yes the rages would come just after a good time had been had.  It was like being punished for treating her to something she had enjoyed a lot.  As if her mind could not grasp the idea that a good time is good because it is special and compressed - and has to come to and end so that normal life can continue. I once took her to a 5 star luxury hotel for the weekend and spent a fortune on it and the fine dining.  It was fantastic.  Afterwards she raged at me for the way I was driving.  Crazy.

[Mr Hollande]

Yesterday I had my current gf ask me about going on holiday together. I have the entire first half of the year absolutely booked solid so there is no chance of anything like that happening until summer. Also I'd have to check with work when or if I can book time off. I feared a falling out with her for not being able to commit or give any dates sooner. With my ex when I said "let me look into it and I'll let you know asap" which meant exactly that and nothing else, there'd be huge drama. It turned planning nice things together into a nightmare. On one occasion she had me almost in tears for having done nothing but invite her along to a festival my band was playing. Apparently I'd not committed enough to the invitation because I'd not mentioned it for a couple of days while busy rehearsing with the band.

So here I am 7-8 months out and in a relationship with a healthy person but still fearing outbursts over something so ordinary as going on holiday together. I avoided giving her an answer as long as I could and after she'd cornered me I said "spring is booked solid and the earliest would be June but I have to ask my boss first. I am really sorry" and expected hell to break loose. It didn't. I got a joyous reply of how great it was going to be to have our first holiday together, how she missed me and looked forward to the weekend.

What a difference a sane person in your life makes.  

[Recooperating]

Oh yes, the irrational temper tantrums... .Over nothing! Thats what caused stress cause I never knew what to expect. The famous "walking on eggshells" all the time.

It could be not replying to a text within 3 minutes, using a wrong tone, a facial expression, not wanting to watch the same movie he wanted, going to see my friends, saying something he would completly take out of context, not giving him enough attention blah blah blah

One day I was sick and wanted to take a nap, but he wanted to skype. I was exhausted and really sick so I excused myself. I never got to take that nap, cause he send me 30 text messages how I was probably hiding something and screwing some guy during my "so-called" nap... .Really?

Another day I drove by a billboard of some concert and just mentionned it... .Out of the blue he started raging... .Sure go with your friends and screw them while your at it blah blah

Many many more of these ridiculous episodes... .How calm live is now!

[downwhim]

Yes the rages would come just after a good time had been had.  It was like being punished for treating her to something she had enjoyed a lot.  As if her mind could not grasp the idea that a good time is good because it is special and compressed - and has to come to and end so that normal life can continue. I once took her to a 5 star luxury hotel for the weekend and spent a fortune on it and the fine dining.  It was fantastic.  Afterwards she raged at me for the way I was driving.  Crazy.

This is so much like my exBPD fiancé. We went to a couples shower, outside, gorgeous day, fabulous bbq, lawn games outside, fun people. He acted like it was fun then on the way home raged at me over my driving for half an hour. I dropped him off at his house, literally could have kicked him out my door then like a child he said, "and I am not going to say I am sorry."

Wonderful week in Cabo. Perfect weather, food, met a couple by the pool we had dinners with, last night 4 am woke me up and screamed a me uncontrollably about the $15.00 drink I ordered. ? It was so bad that I packed my suitcase, wheeled it down in the dark to the front of hotel and waited until 6 am gym opened to work out, shower etc. Never saw him for a year after than N/C until he sent me a joke on email. I was lonely and fell for it.

[CloseToFreedom]

This was a major dealbreaker in my rs and the reason why I pulles back emotionally in the last year, which caused the break up. So yes this was probably the most important thing with my ex gf.

The first years it was mostly about spending all the time together and jelousy. If I didnt have time thanks to work I wouldnt hear the end of it. If I talked to a girl or went out alone she would get insane.

The last couple of years were more complicated issues. I decided to work more on myself which resulted in her feeling neglected. But she would still throw fits at random times. Like getting angry because she had to get (free) drinks one time on holiday (while i went and got them the other 99 times), or just enjoying dinner somewhere and she suddenly being angry that I didnt respond back enough about the subject she was talking about.

I became quite moody myself in the past half year and I became more and more like her. So its perhaps for the best that we broke off.

I have so, so many more stories to share. So why not?

Once I went out without her. She actually got mad I went out withour her, resulting in her dumping me. And going out herself the same night. Haha!

Actually, becoming mad because I went out withour her was a common theme. I would've gladly taken her with me but when we were living together she almost never wanted. So I just went once every month or so? She would hate that.  would announce it days in advance to make sure she wouldnt get mad, but when the night came she would get mad anyway. First silent treatment, then screaming, crying, eventually threathening suicide. Which made me want to go even more because I felt manipulated.

She got mad often when I woke her up during the middle of the day. Even though she requested to be woken up. She would be in a terrible mood.

She would get mad if a fork touched my teeth accidentally.

Once she saw a nice table for outside on internet. She wanted to go pick it up the next day. It was my only day off and I asked if we could do it another time. She got mad, gave me the silent treatment until I caved.

Once we were in the car to my parents. I asked if she could drive to the nearest shop (like... .2 minutes further) so I could get a pack of sigarettes. She was insanely mad, said it costs gas. I asked if I could pay for the gas. She got even madder and threw me out of the car.

She got angry if i couldn't pick up the phone, or responded to her text messages in time.

She became angry if I didnt come over to take care of her when she was sick (even though she was still living with her parents), yet when I was sick she would hate me for it and never treat me well.

Ah, the list just goes on.

[Maternus]

She would get mad if a fork touched my teeth accidentally.

Once she saw a nice table for outside on internet. She wanted to go pick it up the next day. It was my only day off and I asked if we could do it another time. She got mad, gave me the silent treatment until I caved.

This sounds familiar. Mine went mad on her children if they accidentally touched their teeth with a fork or a spoon.

Mine was looking for a dishwasher and found one on sale. She has no car and I had no time to buy it. She got angry on me and asked a friend to drive her to buy the dishwasher. When she came home without a dishwasher she was even angrier. She couldn't pay it, her account was garnished. That was about two weeks before she left me. The first thing I recognized when I came to move out was a new dishwasher. I think, my replacement bought it for her.