BPD Sisters birthday today, to call or not to call

[Starry22]

I sent my sister a birthday card, but I have been agonizing all day whether I should text her as well.  I know if i do it will start up her texting me the long list of 'stuff I have done wrong" but if I don't it will hurt her and me , because it's just rude.

[Tim300]

Without knowing anything more about the situation, I don't think it's rude to not call when you've already sent a card.   

[pessim-optimist]

but if I don't it will hurt her and me

In what way do you feel it would hurt you as well? Do you know what that hurt is about?

[Starry22]

I just wish I could say a simple happy birthday without apprehension.  I know that I will get some sort of negative response.  Based on past experience it would probably start 'the' argument again.  Where she brings up every way I've failed her, according to her.  It hurts me because I'd like to be able to say happy birthday to my sister without anxiety, fear, sadness.

[pessim-optimist]

I agree w/Tim300 that it is not your obligation to call/text. It is really up to you whether you want to do that or not.

That being said: What do you think you would prefer better?

1. Text and then need to deal with her reply. (If she tried to engage you, you could then reply and say something like: "As I said, I am wishing you a happy b-day. We can talk some other time when the conversation is friendly. I will delete and not reply to any more unfriendly texts. Hope you have a good night."

2. Not text, deal with feeling crummy about it, but have a peaceful night?

[Starry22]

Thanks everyone!  I went ahead and texted a simple 'Happy Birthday'.  Hopefully she's at work and won't answer and if she does and is mean I just won't answer.  And I won't let myself feel bad about that!  Have a good night everyone.

[pessim-optimist]

Have a good night everyone.

You too, Starry22 

[Rapt Reader]

Thanks everyone!  I went ahead and texted a simple 'Happy Birthday'.  Hopefully she's at work and won't answer and if she does and is mean I just won't answer.  And I won't let myself feel bad about that!  Have a good night everyone.

That does sound like a simple solution, Starry22 

(It's the way I always deal with situations like that, myself   )