Cover me guys, I'm going in...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I know there are people here that see NC as a religion, and I understand completely why. However, due to the fact that my exuBPDgf has infiltrated part of my friend group, full NC is just not possible.

I'm 8 weeks out now, and I'm having a hard time, but trying my best to continue life in the best way possible. The first few weeks I lived like a hermit, but this isn't a solution, it's actually counter-productive. So when I was about a month out, I chose to go to the New Years Eve party of a friend of mine where I know she was too. I chose to NOT let her win and just party like I don't care. Of course, it was difficult to be in the same room with 10 other people of which one was my ex, but I just had to do it. Considering the shared friend group and the small community of going out in this town, I had to get it over with. It was difficult, but I could see it wasn't easy for her either: she avoided all eye contact the entire evening and had to cry with her friends after midnight.

So, tonight is another party at the same friend, for his birthday. She will probably be there as well. Furthermore, she has found a replacement for a few weeks now, so perhaps he will be there too. This is again going to be extremely hard, but I have to get it over with, have to get used to the fact that we are not a couple anymore and that she's with someone else.

Why am I telling all this? I could use some support, so that I'm fully ready for the night. And perhaps during the night (or tomorrow) I need to get my experiences of my chest. Of course I'm not going to sob there all night, I have to remain strong and show her that I'm moving on as well. I expect her to really put her new relationship in my face, being all happy and lovey dovey. She'll no doubt want to enforce a reaction out of me. But again, I have to remain strong.

So, yeah... .wish me luck!

[CloseToFreedom]

I know there are people here that see NC as a religion, and I understand completely why. However, due to the fact that my exuBPDgf has infiltrated part of my friend group, full NC is just not possible.

I'm 8 weeks out now, and I'm having a hard time, but trying my best to continue life in the best way possible. The first few weeks I lived like a hermit, but this isn't a solution, it's actually counter-productive. So when I was about a month out, I chose to go to the New Years Eve party of a friend of mine where I know she was too. I chose to NOT let her win and just party like I don't care. Of course, it was difficult to be in the same room with 10 other people of which one was my ex, but I just had to do it. Considering the shared friend group and the small community of going out in this town, I had to get it over with. It was difficult, but I could see it wasn't easy for her either: she avoided all eye contact the entire evening and had to cry with her friends after midnight.

So, tonight is another party at the same friend, for his birthday. She will probably be there as well. Furthermore, she has found a replacement for a few weeks now, so perhaps he will be there too. This is again going to be extremely hard, but I have to get it over with, have to get used to the fact that we are not a couple anymore and that she's with someone else.

Why am I telling all this? I could use some support, so that I'm fully ready for the night. And perhaps during the night (or tomorrow) I need to get my experiences of my chest. Of course I'm not going to sob there all night, I have to remain strong and show her that I'm moving on as well. I expect her to really put her new relationship in my face, being all happy and lovey dovey. She'll no doubt want to enforce a reaction out of me. But again, I have to remain strong.

So, yeah... .wish me luck!

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Good luck and don't drink too much.

[JRT]

oohhhh... .good luck man

this relates a LITTLE bit to me... .mine b/u without saying a word and just disappeared and blocked me from contact ... .its a full fledged fantasy for me to, one day, see her and confront her with what she did... .It would bring me to closure on our relationship and (I know that this makes me seem like a bad guy) force her to look into my eyes one last time and see the person that she caused a considerable amount of pain upon... .I am pretty sure that she would crumble and become a wreck... .I would really like to see that

[raisins3142]

Will reiterate, good luck and stay relatively sober.  Also, don't allow yourself to be baited into an altercation, etc.

Also, don't be afraid to leave if things are too much, there is no harm or defeat in that.  Don't look at this as either of you winning.  Do the best thing for yourself.

I saw a friend the other day hanging out with his ex-gf and her new boyfriend.  The new couple were purposefully being overly affectionate (not a good word, they were groping each other) in front of him.  He sat there trying to be "evolved and strong" with a pained look.  I was thinking "just leave dude".

[CloseToFreedom]

So I managed to sit it out and also go to the pub with everyone. When I came to the party, my ex was already there with the replacement. She didn't say a word to me all night and never looked at me. When I came inside, I just shook his hand and introduced myself to him, that's about it.

I guess it could be worse, but the one thing that bugged me is that for the first time in years, I really saw her in the honeymoon phase. You know how it is, really in love, or whatever means love to them. She was like that with me years ago. Its strange seeing that again, but with someone else.

I guess this helps me distance myself from her. The more I see her with the other guy, the more I realise its over between us and the more the image of me and her together starts to fade. It isn't easy.

I do still wonder how long they are going to last. Maybe a bit afraid that they'll be happy ever after and it was me all along. No way to know of course.

[jhkbuzz]

So I managed to sit it out and also go to the pub with everyone. When I came to the party, my ex was already there with the replacement. She didn't say a word to me all night and never looked at me. When I came inside, I just shook his hand and introduced myself to him, that's about it.

I guess it could be worse, but the one thing that bugged me is that for the first time in years, I really saw her in the honeymoon phase. You know how it is, really in love, or whatever means love to them. She was like that with me years ago. Its strange seeing that again, but with someone else.

I guess this helps me distance myself from her. The more I see her with the other guy, the more I realise its over between us and the more the image of me and her together starts to fade. It isn't easy.

I do still wonder how long they are going to last. Maybe a bit afraid that they'll be happy ever after and it was me all along. No way to know of course.

I have this fear and I see people echo it in other posts.

Was it "you"? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that you participated in a dysfunctional r/s and you need to get to the bottom of the "whys" of that.  NO in the sense that there is nothing you could have done differently to avoid the inevitable pain and instability that pwBPD bring into their intimate relationships. It was in the cards from the beginning.

[Turkish]

So I managed to sit it out and also go to the pub with everyone. When I came to the party, my ex was already there with the replacement. She didn't say a word to me all night and never looked at me. When I came inside, I just shook his hand and introduced myself to him, that's about it.

I guess it could be worse, but the one thing that bugged me is that for the first time in years, I really saw her in the honeymoon phase. You know how it is, really in love, or whatever means love to them. She was like that with me years ago. Its strange seeing that again, but with someone else.

I guess this helps me distance myself from her. The more I see her with the other guy, the more I realise its over between us and the more the image of me and her together starts to fade. It isn't easy.

I do still wonder how long they are going to last. Maybe a bit afraid that they'll be happy ever after and it was me all along. No way to know of course.

I'm glad you got through it JRT, and that it helped you detach.

I finally met my replacement (aka The Homewrecker) last week and contrary to how I imagined it would go, I felt calmer. It gave me a type of closure. He's a goofy kid (to me). It helped me to marry the image I had constructed in my mind with reality.