i have been married 33 years and it does not stop

[triedtoolong]

I am here for support.  I know I have to leave but I just can not do it.  It has been getting worse every day.  I do not have any family for support.  When I read these first statements I cannot believe that this is me.  I have tried to cope with his issues but nothing is helping.  He is not diagnosed but I have been in it long enough to know what this is.  He has had a bad year health wise.  He is getting better and things are positive.  But he is worse than ever.  There are a lot of family dynamic changes in his life right now, so I think that this is fueling the behavior.  But I am the one paying the price now and it is not good.  The more I do, the more understanding I am, the worse he treats me.  I have been lurking a while on this forum and have been reading and utilizing the tools.  I do not really understand why, but I feel I am at the breaking point.  I just need someone to validate me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[rarsweet]

Welcome, I am fairly new also and it's amazing to just be able to read words from people who get it. I am so sorry your situation is at this point, you must have amazing strength for enduring 33 years of this.

[Hurricanes]

It is hard for us to break away from our norm, even when it is an unhealthy situation.  I stayed in for the "children" but really I was hurting them as much as it was hurting me.  You need to do decide and do what is best for you. 

[waverider]

What is stopping you making the leap? Is it the fear for you , or him?

[Rail33]

Hi triedtoolong,

I have been with my BPDw for 15 years and I share the same dilemma as you.  We have 2 children, one is my step daughter (I always tell myself her dad was the smart one!).  My girls are old enough to make logical decisions and they want me to stay for them and their mother.  While they understand she is sick (alcoholic as well), she is a great mother 75% of the time.  I will tell you that I still ask myself everyday why I stay and I think the best answer I have is that I am the right one for this job.  I have the tools in my tool box and the skills to defuse and cope while juggling the times when she is spiraling.  But everyone's situation is different and unique even if the diagnosis' are the same.  I know there is a day when I will have to leave this situation because I will start losing myself.  I think if you are feeling that same thing, now might be the time... .

[Treece]

Hi

I can understand how bad you feel. That is a long time.

I am quite new here too. My partner is undiagnosed but his traits are classic. I have struggled for a few years being completely bewildered upset and frankly in despair at his behaviour.   Since finding this site I have researched a lot and do now at least understand what is happening. It has helped me a lot.

I think knowing where his behaviour comes from and trying not to take it personally and trying to distance myself a little had helped. I honestly think it will be almost impossible for my partner to change but at least  can change how i react to him.  The tools you will find on here really do help as well.

I hope you visit the site often and you will find support, people that understand and tools to help you.

Good luck

xx