I broke contact by snooping FB: kind of glad I did

[raisins3142]

Not sure what caused it, but I reactivated my FB briefly just to look at her public profile.  Most everything is hidden, including her current photos, etc.  Still, there were old pictures of her and I together and some by herself.  What struck me was that she looked the same in every picture.  She seemed to make a very conscious effort to smile and to include her eyes in her smile.  It now seems very rehearsed.  I, on the other hand, look different in every pic.  If I was really happy, then I'm smiling genuinely.  Sometimes, I'm just with a half smile or serious look, but always a bit different depending upon my mood and context at that time.  So, her "stepford wife" look in those pics kind of creeped me out.  I mentioned in another post that she has files and images on her computer explaining how to pose oneself and some are related to the smile thing.  This isn't necessarily a BPD thing, many folks are photogenic in a consistent kinda fake way, but I certainly don't think it is inconsistent with how BPD expressed itself within her.  Just thought I'd share that with the only people (you folks) that I can really talk about this with.  My friends/family don't need to be bothered and don't understand really.

[Ghost733]

I checked out her fbook page a few weeks back because I couldn't help myself.  Not much had changed (as it had only been a few weeks since b/u).  Social media branding was very important to her and she was pretty much consumed by it.  I think being in a relationship w me increased her brand value, friends thought more of her because I shaved and didn't do cocaine.

Her pictures are all the same and consistently fake, as you've seen as well.  Doesn't matter the event, it's always the same pose.  It's a facade of normalcy as she doesn't really understand what normalcy is - she's just mimicking the surface of normal.

I did see she was interacting with her biggest, grossest, oldest orbiter on fbook again and I got pretty grossed out for reasons you can probably relate to.  Any further desire to check out her page after that evaporated.

[drummerboy]

I really don't get the FB snooping thing. It would be like I was still or still wanted to be attached. A mutual friend sent me some pics of her a few weeks ago, I've since told the mutual friend not to, she has put on quite a bit of weight. I agree about the plastered on smile. All the pics I ever took of her she looked exactly the same as if the smile had been so well practiced it became automatic and I know some of those pics were taken at periods where she was in deep turmoil/depression.

[raisins3142]

The similarities among us are sometimes spooky.  I forgot to add that when I saw her pics, I did not feel physical attraction or wanting to rekindle things.  It was just a person that I'm not sure I ever really knew.  Not sure why I broke no contact by looking at pics of us/her (possibly to see if I had been replaced yet), but I'm glad I did.  It actually helped me in my no contact.