How many have PTSD symptoms from being in a r/s with a pwBPD?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just wondering how many here have PTSD symptoms that go beyind grieving into:

(1) intrusions - flashbacks of painful things that happened

(2) re-experiencing - re-experiencing or ruminating on painful event facts

(3) avoidance and numbing - avoiding things that remind one of relationship or BPD and feeling numb after the fact

(4) increased arousal - I think this is like anxiety panic attack type stuff

I am experiencing them all minus the anxiety bit... .4.5 year bond, 3 year relationship, 4 weeks NC

Wondering if others here experience the same and how long they have been NC

[Ridingthewaves]

Just wondering how many here have PTSD symptoms that go beyind grieving into:

(1) intrusions - flashbacks of painful things that happened

(2) re-experiencing - re-experiencing or ruminating on painful event facts

(3) avoidance and numbing - avoiding things that remind one of relationship or BPD and feeling numb after the fact

(4) increased arousal - I think this is like anxiety panic attack type stuff

I am experiencing them all minus the anxiety bit... .4.5 year bond, 3 year relationship, 4 weeks NC

Wondering if others here experience the same and how long they have been NC

[jhkbuzz]

Just wondering how many here have PTSD symptoms that go beyind grieving into:

(1) intrusions - flashbacks of painful things that happened

(2) re-experiencing - re-experiencing or ruminating on painful event facts

(3) avoidance and numbing - avoiding things that remind one of relationship or BPD and feeling numb after the fact

(4) increased arousal - I think this is like anxiety panic attack type stuff

I am experiencing them all minus the anxiety bit... .4.5 year bond, 3 year relationship, 4 weeks NC

Wondering if others here experience the same and how long they have been NC

All of the above, except for number 4... .although I did wake up in the middle of the night not long after the b/u and began hyperventilating. That was fun... .not. 

Thankfully I knew I was experiencing PTSD, so I didn't think I was going crazy.  The symptoms have lessened quite a bit.  8 year r/s, b/u 6 months ago, 4 months n/c.

[Ridingthewaves]

Good glad it is lessening as you were in r/s 8 years , thats fairly long term... .there is hope x x x

[Caredverymuch]

Just wondering how many here have PTSD symptoms that go beyind grieving into:

(1) intrusions - flashbacks of painful things that happened

(2) re-experiencing - re-experiencing or ruminating on painful event facts

(3) avoidance and numbing - avoiding things that remind one of relationship or BPD and feeling numb after the fact

(4) increased arousal - I think this is like anxiety panic attack type stuff

I am experiencing them all minus the anxiety bit... .4.5 year bond, 3 year relationship, 4 weeks NC

Wondering if others here experience the same and how long they have been NC

Very much so and I was hastened to suggest many are left w PTSD. We were handed over someone else's emotional baggage and subconsciously made to carry it to prove our love. Push pull then abandoned and forgotten.  Trauma for sure which is intense in the early phase of detachment until the mind has time to adapt. To heal.  Any reminders of the traumatic r/s will often trigger some of those feelings which indeed indicate how emotionally abusive these r/s are.

[PaintedBlack28]

All of the list except n4... .yet endless triggers throughout the day... .even streets and vehicles... .all the music... .it is at times unbearable, but one hast to be strong and face it like a man. I really didn't need a BPD woman to re-activate all core issues from childhood. At times I wonder if I will ever recover. But I hope for the best and I try to be prepared for the worst. And this pretty much is the worst.

[Ridingthewaves]

I cant do music either - way to raw to have my emotions tugged at randomly - music makes me feel too much.

How long in r/s and how long NC ?

[jjclark]

PTSD'd here on all counts.  It gets better, sometimes I have a hard time coming to terms that this is happening to me, hyper-vigilance galore.  Like some one posted: streets, cars, music, jackets, hair... .shopping in a busy mall really sucks.  A big part of me is well aware this is irrational however during the moment my logical brain is out for a smoke break or something. I am yet to find the peace of mind I once had.

What do you folks find has been helping? For me, immersing myself in new hobbies that have nothing to do with people, practiced in the middle of nowhere, has really helped.

[Ridingthewaves]

Left brain activities seem to help - like work and writing my dissertation. Stopping the thought process mid stream and telling my brain to switch files helps, even if I have to do it every 5 seconds right now. Watching Chuck episodes - I have watched all five seasons since Christams ... .that's my new evening thin as we always talked in the evening, so it helps me do something else. Saying this too shall pass and reminding myself I was alive and well before he came along I can surely be alive and well again. Playing with my cats, especially the big fluffy one. And just found this article, going to see if any of these techniques help... .

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break

[hurting300]

All except for #4. I still can't go into certain stores for fear I'll run into her. Then other days I want too. It's a weird thinking pattern.

[.cup.car]

Crazy, I'd just been looking up this stuff myself. Nice find OP.

First three symptoms are there. And it's a 50/50 split between the legal stuff and the actual mess of a relationship during the flashbacks/memories/whatever. Lots of other symptoms too.

My father & her father kinda look the same and my dad's got almost the exact same style of glasses, and I finally worked up the courage today to tell him he can't wear them around me. Another guy at work sometimes plays reggae during the final part of my shift, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Always laughed about "trigger warnings" on Tumblr until I experienced how it works first hand.

Couple days ago an RCMP officer was killed up here, and he was from the exact same detachment as the one I went to about my ex (the shooting happened a few blocks away from her parents place). About four months ago a constable from that detachment warned me about how confusing and nonsensical the justice system is and how none of the officers trusted it anymore. So when news broke about the shooting and how the accused "slipped through the cracks", it was an instant flashback to the conversation I had with the constable four months ago. Never imagined the same justice system that failed me would fail someone else in a much more serious way.

Today we found a pamphlet from his funeral in one of the rental cars at work and it really upset me. Usually don't get that upset over news articles.

[Infern0]

I had all of the above. It took me about 6 months to feel "normal" again,  I still occasionally have intrusive thoughts but it tends to only happen if I have been lazy and am laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I'll randomly start wondering what she is doing.

99% of the time I'm fine now,  What helped me the most was to really reflect on everything and find out why I let everything happen and why it was all so bad.

After that I began to work on myself and doing things to help my self esteem,  The gym really helped,  getting into awesome shape does wonders,  it's vain yes but oh well,  it had tons of health benefits too so healthy on the inside and the outside too.

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

[charred]

I had all of the above. It took me about 6 months to feel "normal" again,  I still occasionally have intrusive thoughts but it tends to only happen if I have been lazy and am laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I'll randomly start wondering what she is doing.

99% of the time I'm fine now,  What helped me the most was to really reflect on everything and find out why I let everything happen and why it was all so bad.

After that I began to work on myself and doing things to help my self esteem,  The gym really helped,  getting into awesome shape does wonders,  it's vain yes but oh well,  it had tons of health benefits too so healthy on the inside and the outside too.

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

My T says it is PTSD.

Was at a low point when she came back in my life... had lost job, found out wife ran up lots of debt I didn't know about, and suddenly the long lost love of my life contacted me... .back to finish the devastation she had wreaked a few decades ago. Had hives at one point, and trouble breathing, never been so stressed as at the end of the r/s.

Already had divorced, and was getting pulled in different directions from ex-wife, BPDgf and my kid. Saw my Dr, she heard a little, and said "run, don't walk away from that crazy B***h"... and go see a T. My T introduced me to mindfulness via some Eckart Tolle books... and 95% of my stress went away... after a bit much of the fog lifted and I ended it and went NC.  But still have lingering after effects. Tend to stress out, have a hard time sleeping, etc.

Working out helped, but understanding everything... .while intellectually satisfying, really did not address the problems.

It is really hard on the ego to go through all this, learning we fell ... not for a dream girl, but an emotional infant... and took abuse, lost a career and a few excellent jobs... got a divorce... and hurt terribly... .for a person so not worthy of it... is beyond humbling. Feel like my own Joe Schmoe chump. Feel like I lost much of my self in the r/s. Who I am, or thought I was, no longer fits. Ego (false self) may have crumbled a bit, but whats left is incomplete.

[HappyNihilist]

I definitely had PTSD symptoms after my breakup. I was in quite a state for the first month, and had fear and trauma triggers for a few months. It's been over 10 months, and I still have the very infrequent trigger or nightmare, but overall I feel clear of the PTSD.

It does get better. 

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

I'm so glad you're in such a good place, Infern0. You've done a lot of hard, amazing work. 

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I had some serious PTSD in the immediate aftermath of my dBPDex walking out on me.  Panic attacks, weeks long head fog, insomnia, nightmares when I could sleep.  It has faded more and more as time goes on.  3 months of therapy and living in my gym has helped tremendously.  I still have a few wrinkles left from it all, still wake up from the occasional dream more tired than before I slept.  Things are improving though.

 My BPD experience was the most soul crushing, heart breaking point in my life.  In that mess I have learned so much about myself, total destruction is the opportune time to do self work.  I'm already in pieces, might as well do some work while the motor is yanked out.  It is a slow process but I think the one positive thing I hold on to from it all is despite the horrors I never became a malicious person because of it.  Sure I did some toxic things in the r/s but overall I maintained my dignity.  Especially in the aftermath when I could have gone on a hate crusade, I remained calm and worked through the pain without lashing out or revenge seeking.  I have my scars but I am a better man today from what I have learned.

[Infern0]

I had all of the above. It took me about 6 months to feel "normal" again,  I still occasionally have intrusive thoughts but it tends to only happen if I have been lazy and am laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I'll randomly start wondering what she is doing.

99% of the time I'm fine now,  What helped me the most was to really reflect on everything and find out why I let everything happen and why it was all so bad.

After that I began to work on myself and doing things to help my self esteem,  The gym really helped,  getting into awesome shape does wonders,  it's vain yes but oh well,  it had tons of health benefits too so healthy on the inside and the outside too.

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

My T says it is PTSD.

Was at a low point when she came back in my life... had lost job, found out wife ran up lots of debt I didn't know about, and suddenly the long lost love of my life contacted me... .back to finish the devastation she had wreaked a few decades ago. Had hives at one point, and trouble breathing, never been so stressed as at the end of the r/s.

Already had divorced, and was getting pulled in different directions from ex-wife, BPDgf and my kid. Saw my Dr, she heard a little, and said "run, don't walk away from that crazy B***h"... and go see a T. My T introduced me to mindfulness via some Eckart Tolle books... and 95% of my stress went away... after a bit much of the fog lifted and I ended it and went NC.  But still have lingering after effects. Tend to stress out, have a hard time sleeping, etc.

Working out helped, but understanding everything... .while intellectually satisfying, really did not address the problems.

It is really hard on the ego to go through all this, learning we fell ... not for a dream girl, but an emotional infant... and took abuse, lost a career and a few excellent jobs... got a divorce... and hurt terribly... .for a person so not worthy of it... is beyond humbling. Feel like my own Joe Schmoe chump. Feel like I lost much of my self in the r/s. Who I am, or thought I was, no longer fits. Ego (false self) may have crumbled a bit, but whats left is incomplete.

You have to really take the focus off her and put it onto you. It's something internal that's causing the problems.

Stop kicking yourself while you are down, and stop the self pity stuff. Not to be brutal but just being straight up.

Kicking yourself while you are down and pitying yourself is what THEY do, and it's the reason THEY don't get better, because THEY don't try.

Honestly once you start to focus on yourself and really put the work in, you will come right.

6 months ago i lay in bed for 48 hours, crying, smoking cigarettes, berating myself as a failure, wishing i was dead, telling myself i was worthless, honestly i have been to rock bottom.

6 months later, i'm getting in the best shape of my life, I look and feel better than I have in years. BPDex and her druggie boyfriend are both jobless, they live on benefits, she looks like gutter trash, he looks like he's ready to drop dead of a heroin overdose at any given moment, and oh guess what, mrs "I hate you so much, me and replacement are going to spend the rest of our lives together, i love him so much" sends me topless pictures on the weekly asking to "hang out" or if she can come over cos "she misses me" and "she thinks she made a mistake"

Away with you, foul creature.

you'll do ok buddy, just put in conscious effort.

[christin5433]

I cant do music either - way to raw to have my emotions tugged at randomly - music makes me feel too much.

How long in r/s and how long NC ?

Can't do music either. And I've always listen to music and it sometimes angers me because I feel she stole my joy. I hope one day I can hear music wo feeling too sad or angry it's too happy. It's interesting the depth of pain that we endure . I'm glad so many of us lean on these posts to get through. Thanks .

[CloseToFreedom]

Real eye opener this. What I want to know is how do you know its PTSD or just plain old heartbreak? Or does PTSD happen with a lot of heartbreak? Or at least with people who've been through such a turbulent relationship?

I will go to my first meeting with my new T soon, so I don't know if I suffer from PTSD, all I know its been a hellish two months since the break up. Indeed, almost everything can trigger me. Living in the house where we used to live together, cooking dinner, being in the bathroom/showering, sleeping in the bed, going to the pub, walking on the street, seeing white cars (as my ex drives a white car), going to work, sitting in publich transport, going shopping, going to the supermarket, seeing movies, watching tv, listening to music, certain commercials, certain emails and spam, certain friends, stepping in my garden, being in the garage of my house, seeing the street in front of my house, getting a text message, getting a call, being on social media... .the list goes on and on.

In the past two months she's been on my mind constantly, and now that she's with a replacement, it seems like I'm finally beginning to process the grief and lost the last hope of another recycle attempt. The past couple of days I've been able to... .well, not forget, but to keep my mind occupied on something else for a few minutes at a time. Most of the day is still spend thinking about her though, constantly replaying good and bad happenings in our relationship (both good and bad hurt, so it doesnt matter of which of the two I think), and wondering if it was her or me that was the distorted one. I can't concentrate for longer than a few hours at work, usually during the afternoon I'm on the automatic pilot.

[drummerboy]

I was amazed when my T said I have PTSD symptoms, 5 month r/s, 12 months since b/u. Most mornings she is still the first thing that pops in my head. Today I had an afternoon nap (I work crazy shifts) and while half asleep I was semi dreaming about our last day together in great detail with all of the words she said, it was not a nice feeling. I find that most of my thoughts now are of the good times, the bad times seem to be receding even though they are the thoughts I'd rather have as they make it easier to completely detach.

[downwhim]

I have PTSD too. Music is painful so I try not to listen to it. Sad because I enjoy it. Saw a car like his with someone that looked like him. Alarm, panic, anxiety. I avoid restaurants we use to go to, plan on moving in June to get as far a way as possible. Train in our area runs and is loud. PTSD. TV shows we watched together I turn the channel. Shopping at the grocery store seeing food we use to enjoy cooking together. Valentines Day cards, etc.(not that we had any fun on that day!) but I look away at displays. The gift that keeps on giving... one day it won't hurt as much.

[clydegriffith]

1) Lack of Sleep

2) Nervousness/Tension

3) Paranoia (she had me arrested on false DV charges 4 times. I was afraid whenever the phone would ring because i thought it may be the detective telling me she made another report and asking that i turn myself in)

4) Borderline panic attacks when i had to be around her (this has greatly subsided. We have a child together so i have to see her from time to time but the feeling i have now is more of a mild discomfort than a panic attack)

This was about 2 1/2 years ago. I am much better now thanks to my family, friends, therapist and determination. I almost feel like given all the horrible horrible things that were done to me, i can be on that show "I Survived" .

[raisins3142]

The only thing I have is pre-occupied thoughts when I am not working or engaged in something productive.  I sit and think about all of this and get angry sometimes.  I've had a few weird dreams with her in them.

Also, she has a friend that lives down the road, whenever I drive by I look hoping her car isn't there.  I don't want her in "my backyard" so to speak because I might run into her.

[.cup.car]

Real eye opener this. What I want to know is how do you know its PTSD or just plain old heartbreak?

Not an expert, but heartbreak implies you still miss her.

I made a list of my symptoms before the session with my T today and after I read them all out, she recommended I talk to my doctor.

[drummerboy]

I still miss the woman in the idealisation phase for sure, but I certainly don't miss the woman she turned out to be.

Real eye opener this. What I want to know is how do you know its PTSD or just plain old heartbreak?

Not an expert, but heartbreak implies you still miss her.

I made a list of my symptoms before the session with my T today and after I read them all out, she recommended I talk to my doctor.

[jhkbuzz]

I had all of the above. It took me about 6 months to feel "normal" again,  I still occasionally have intrusive thoughts but it tends to only happen if I have been lazy and am laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I'll randomly start wondering what she is doing.

99% of the time I'm fine now,  What helped me the most was to really reflect on everything and find out why I let everything happen and why it was all so bad.

After that I began to work on myself and doing things to help my self esteem,  The gym really helped,  getting into awesome shape does wonders,  it's vain yes but oh well,  it had tons of health benefits too so healthy on the inside and the outside too.

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

Ditto on everything above (except the last 5 words) - really good insights. I am close to the 6 month mark as well.

The last 5 words?  I think from everything I've learned about these boards there were two wounded people involved in the dance; two wounded people who were looking for pain relief in another person. Not so much a "hunter-prey" situation.  Unless your ex was sociopathic... .

[jhkbuzz]

My BPD experience was the most soul crushing, heart breaking point in my life.  In that mess I have learned so much about myself, total destruction is the opportune time to do self work.  I'm already in pieces, might as well do some work while the motor is yanked out.  It is a slow process but I think the one positive thing I hold on to from it all is despite the horrors I never became a malicious person because of it.  Sure I did some toxic things in the r/s but overall I maintained my dignity.  Especially in the aftermath when I could have gone on a hate crusade, I remained calm and worked through the pain without lashing out or revenge seeking.  I have my scars but I am a better man today from what I have learned.

Love this!  I feel the same... .there's nothing more valuable that being able to look at yourself in the mirror and feel proud of what you see.

[Darkvoid]

All of the above! even vomiting... .Thank God I think the worst part is gone... .

[charred]

I am glad to have made it through this final breakup far more intact than before. When I was dumped in my 20's, was devastated, left town, my job, friends and started over in life... .but was broken. This go round, I ultimately ended it, chose not to be with her and be in a toxic r/s. The r/s cost me a few jobs, and resulted in a divorce and lots of heartache, but I was not broken by the breakup. During the r/s I was a mess for a while, but made it.

For the first 6-9 months after BU... strong PTSD symptoms. No longer have them so bad, but its coming up on 3 yrs, and saw a T for them, much of that time. The one really lingering thing... is a lack of motivation. Going in to the r/s... was bored with the rut I was in, but this is different, it is hard to find anything that inspires/motivates me. Bought a mid life crisis sports car and it makes me smile to drive it, is a project to fix up, and slowly I have been doing so... .but even that barely motivates me. Feel like... I always pursued and thought the right r/s would make life wonderful somehow. The wrong one did the opposite, turned it to hell. My head knows that happiness is from within, motivation should be as well. But most my dreams no longer hold any motivation, there isn't any stuff I want to own, places I want to go, or things I want to do that really drive me. Like my ego was shattered and my true self has stage fright and is mute.

Hate to be of the fake it till you make it set, but don't really know what else to do.

[Pingo]

(1) intrusions - flashbacks of painful things that happened

(2) re-experiencing - re-experiencing or ruminating on painful event facts

(3) avoidance and numbing - avoiding things that remind one of relationship or BPD and feeling numb after the fact

(4) increased arousal - I think this is like anxiety panic attack type stuff

Yes to all 4 but all have gotten much better over time with the exception of #4 which I find very frustrating!  Wish it would just bugger off! To those mentioning songs, I was the same but this is getting better.  I can listen to them now without bawling and sometimes when my mood is good I don't even feel affected any longer... .I'm 7 1/2 mths out now. 

I had all of the above. It took me about 6 months to feel "normal" again,  I still occasionally have intrusive thoughts but it tends to only happen if I have been lazy and am laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I'll randomly start wondering what she is doing.

99% of the time I'm fine now,  What helped me the most was to really reflect on everything and find out why I let everything happen and why it was all so bad.

After that I began to work on myself and doing things to help my self esteem,  The gym really helped,  getting into awesome shape does wonders,  it's vain yes but oh well,  it had tons of health benefits too so healthy on the inside and the outside too.

If most of us reflect I think we may come to realise that we were at a low point in our lives or had stagnated when our BPD's came into our lives and hurt us.

Honestly I was suffering long before she arrived,  she just shone a floodlight on my problems. Get rid of the issues and they really can't do anything to you.

BPD'S don't get strong,  healthy,  happy people,  they go after wounded prey

I can relate to all of this.

[Leaving]

I have been diagnosed with PTSD but I don't/won't take meds for it.  I chose to use writing, breathworks, meditation and acupuncture.  Not that I wouldn't love the ease of a medication but I'm too afraid it will hinder progress and cause addiction.  I just want to heal and push through this without drugs.  I also don't drink.

I have fairly severe ptsd and it affects my ability to interact with other people, I have nightmares though not frequent, some sounds and activites cause severe tremors and stomach pain that last for an hour or so, sometimes I feel like I'm going to faint or blackout from the flood of adrenaline when I am startled or panicked.  Last summer, I had a severe panic attack at the store and an ambulance had to come.  My husband sat in the car and didn't even pretend to care. I refused to go to the hospital and they treated me in the parking lot.  Once I was released and went back to the car, my husband screamed at me all the way home from the store that I cared more about the rescue workers and the man and wife who called the ambulance than him and that's why he didn't help me.  I am afraid to take a shower in my house alone and can only do that during daylight now.  Receiving the mail panics me because I was always afraid to find bounced check notices or find important mail stuffed in a hiding spot in our garage. 

Last night I had a nightmare that my husband told me something but then realized that as usual he only told me half the story and then as he spoke more trying to explain everything, realized that, that half the story was only half the story and that was only half.  I was screaming, holding my head and crying trying to figure out what the truth was but my husband kept standing there accusing me of not listening to him and putting words in his mouth. He kept making excuses and changing the story.  I woke up so panicked and sick to my stomach. 

Another nightmare I had was that I walked into my house and he had unpacked all my moving boxes and was putting my spice rack on the wall.  I grabbed his arm and asked what he was doing and as I grabbed my spice rack, I noticed that it was damaged and stained and basically ruined.  Everything that I have ever valued and treasured has been destroyed or damaged by him but even worse, he rolls his eyes and calls me a hysterical b___ when I get upset.

[downwhim]

I have all 4 and am on medication for anxiety. I use to take it four times a day now I am like 4 times a week. It was so bad at first I could not concentrate. He projected all of his anger, shame and guilt from cheating on me and I was left with the affects. I hurt all the time then. N/C works because I can see I am improving. I just do not want to run into him at all.