When you broke up was she cheating on you and running off to new supply?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

When you broke up was she cheating on you and running off to new supply?... .Mine was the introverted type I believe (Waif)... .some of the reasons I think she was BPD... because she just turned into someone that I never met... when she left and then fit the profiles here to a tee when we interacted (no physical violence)... .She also emptied out and apartment and ran off to a new supply on someone else she lived with before me. I think that she would have just bolted on me... .but I was so connected with her family that I don't think she could do that... .She almost had to appear to act responsible... (while being victim and lying to everyone)... . Hook-Up, Cut and Run is her repeated cycle... .  She is married (I think) now to my successor... .but I have and do not want to have any idea how she is doing... .she tries occasionally to make contact with me... .but I don't because of the psycho, blaming liar/cheater at the end and because I just do not think that my heart could take standing and talking to this woman that was so loving and warm and who is now a cold sorcerer. I stayed me... .I was always me. I do not get the morph thing.  I just do not have it in me... .I am afraid that I might hurt myself emotionally by even being in her presence.  Not a good choice for me. Had too much pain, anxiety and depression.  and... .hey... .she could just be trying to talk to me so she can laugh at me and abuse me... .she did enough of that after she had the new back-up. God these people $uck.

[Infared]

When you broke up was she cheating on you and running off to new supply?... .Mine was the introverted type I believe (Waif)... .some of the reasons I think she was BPD... because she just turned into someone that I never met... when she left and then fit the profiles here to a tee when we interacted (no physical violence)... .She also emptied out and apartment and ran off to a new supply on someone else she lived with before me. I think that she would have just bolted on me... .but I was so connected with her family that I don't think she could do that... .She almost had to appear to act responsible... (while being victim and lying to everyone)... . Hook-Up, Cut and Run is her repeated cycle... .  She is married (I think) now to my successor... .but I have and do not want to have any idea how she is doing... .she tries occasionally to make contact with me... .but I don't because of the psycho, blaming liar/cheater at the end and because I just do not think that my heart could take standing and talking to this woman that was so loving and warm and who is now a cold sorcerer. I stayed me... .I was always me. I do not get the morph thing.  I just do not have it in me... .I am afraid that I might hurt myself emotionally by even being in her presence.  Not a good choice for me. Had too much pain, anxiety and depression.  and... .hey... .she could just be trying to talk to me so she can laugh at me and abuse me... .she did enough of that after she had the new back-up. God these people $uck.

[Maternus]

When you broke up was she cheating on you and running off to new supply?

Yes. And there was no warning sign, no crisis - she left me out of the blue. Maybe she didn't plan to leave me, she was just cheating on me, but the wife of my replacement discovered their affair. One thing she said was "I want you to hear it from me, not from his wife."  Maybe she was expecting his wife to come to our house and take her to task?

[Infared]

When you broke up was she cheating on you and running off to new supply?

Yes. And there was no warning sign, no crisis - she left me out of the blue. Maybe she didn't plan to leave me, she was just cheating on me, but the wife of my replacement discovered their affair. One thing she said was "I want you to hear it from me, not from his wife."  Maybe she was expecting his wife to come to our house and take her to task?

Yeah... .I had no warning signs either. We lived together 5 years. Christmas week (not recently). I asked her... ."WHY are you doing this... .WHY?... .during Christmas Week?" One of the things she said that haunted me later was "I didn't know this was going to happen, NOW".  I was suspicious ... .who does that? Who just runs off in the middle of the holidays? ... .my response was "oh... yeah... .What happened?".  She of course was thinking about her hook up... .but it must have just come out more obvious than she wanted it to, because she was admitting nothing.  Later when I knew ... .(by my own research and intuition) ... I realized that she also thought the cheating just happened to her, too!... .It all just happened... .she was a victim.  Like an 8-year old.  

It was surreal. Totally surreal.  I had no idea who I had been living with. ... and somehow... .I was to blame.

[CloseToFreedom]

She wasn't cheating as far as I was aware, and she didn't had new supply lined up as far as I'm aware. Although I remember during some arguments in the last weeks, she got very distand and also chatted a lot on facebook with god knows who. Perhaps a new supply, yes, as when we met she was already chatting with me and voicing her displeasement with her current boyfriend.

In 7 to 8 weeks time after the break up, she had a replacement, a new boyfriend. Although Ive heard from friends that after the break up she immediately started searching and dating. Oh well. Just goes to show how important I was for her...

[Skip]

I asked her... ."WHY are you doing this... .WHY?... .during Christmas Week?" One of the things she said that haunted me later was "I didn't know this was going to happen, NOW".  I was suspicious ... .who does that? Who just runs off in the middle of the holidays? ... .my response was "oh... yeah... .What happened?".  She of course was thinking about her hook up... .but it must have just come out more obvious than she wanted it to, because she was admitting nothing.  Later when I knew ... .(by my own research and intuition) ... I realized that she also thought the cheating just happened to her, too!... .It all just happened... .she was a victim.  Like an 8-year old.  

It was surreal. Totally surreal.  I had no idea who I had been living with. ... and somehow... .I was to blame.

You seem very triggered today, Infared.  What's happening?

[Infared]

I asked her... ."WHY are you doing this... .WHY?... .during Christmas Week?" One of the things she said that haunted me later was "I didn't know this was going to happen, NOW".  I was suspicious ... .who does that? Who just runs off in the middle of the holidays? ... .my response was "oh... yeah... .What happened?".  She of course was thinking about her hook up... .but it must have just come out more obvious than she wanted it to, because she was admitting nothing.  Later when I knew ... .(by my own research and intuition) ... I realized that she also thought the cheating just happened to her, too!... .It all just happened... .she was a victim.  Like an 8-year old.  

It was surreal. Totally surreal.  I had no idea who I had been living with. ... and somehow... .I was to blame.

You seem very triggered today, Infared.  What's happening?

Hey Skip... .

Sorry to go off... .I see that you discretely moved me... .'cause I was off-topic... .sorry... .and thanks... .

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

[clydegriffith]

Initially, she was having an affair with her friend's husband and she was convinced he would leave his family for her. Didn't exactly work out that way. She was also having NSA sex with pretty much anyone that looked her way.

I had a chance to read some of the emails she sent the guy she was having an affair with and it was pretty funny. Within a week she's going on and on with all this luvey duvey stuff about how she's in love . Same crap she pulled on me. I hate her so much for trapping me with a child.

[Infared]

Initially, she was having an affair with her friend's husband and she was convinced he would leave his family for her. Didn't exactly work out that way. She was also having NSA sex with pretty much anyone that looked her way.

I had a chance to read some of the emails she sent the guy she was having an affair with and it was pretty funny. Within a week she's going on and on with all this luvey duvey stuff about how she's in love . Same crap she pulled on me. I hate her so much for trapping me with a child.

That's heartbreaking, Clyde. Really heartbreaking. I can relate... .I think that mine was doing the same immediately, too, with the lovey-dovey stuff... .It was like the bloom was not there for us but we had so much... .but she just had to go chase that with no thought but her own needs like a child that wants a new ice cream flavor... ... ..when I confronted her months later she basically says she is in love with him and that its my fault!  ... .it was like having a conversation with a 7 year old about an ice cream cone or something... .My life totally uprooted and destroyed... her family separated from me... which really was painful to lose those people... .by this childlike irresponsibility and rational.  It made me sick to my stomach.  I was dumbfounded. No consequence for her either... .she just lied to everyone and played victim... .Its just amazing how much power an immature, attractive, deceptive woman can have.  How empty though in my world.

[Madison66]

Not 100% sure, but I believe my uBPD/NPD ex gf had an okcupid profile going for much of our r/s.  I confronted her about a match.com profile several months in and she finally and reluctantly took it down.  When I finally left the r/s, she had a long line of guys going almost immediately.  So, if she wasn't physically cheating during the r/s I believe she was active on okcupid and was lining guys up for when I finally left.  

[Skip]

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

Is it more than this?  It feels like re-living the wound?

[Infared]

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

Is it more than this?  It feels like re-living the wound?

Yeah... .I went to a website today and I have like 9.5 out of 10.0 positive for PTSD.  Oh Well... .I am old... .I will just live with it.

As far as I am concerned I will keep the PTSD... it keeps me safe from dating, ever again!    I really do not have it in me to go thru all of the drama again.  I just pursue other things in life... .sometimes it gets to me... .but not that often.

Not playin victim... .just telling ya where I am at. I have been thru therapy, group therapy and have a self-help group. No medication, I prefer to be me.  I have good friends, work and a passionate hobby... . that has to be enough for me.  The damage was just too great. I love me... but I will never trust like that again.  I look around and I see enough evidence in the society that surrounds me that I am not exactly a fool for feeling the way I do after what I went through. I accept my decision... but there are always shades of gray with everything... .No choice is perfect.

[downwhim]

Mine was, let's see I'll asked her to marry me, that's scary. I think I had better quit having sex with her, I think I better cheat. This closeness is not what I can handle. I better run, I better break it off with her. I know first I will try and make her crazy. I will not call and be MIA. I will date behind her back and give her the silent treatment when I see her. That ought to work!  This was his rational. Cheating was part of it to get me to leave. He was afraid to get any closer and he had to blow it. He wanted me to do the final breakup. It would be easier on him.

[Skip]

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

Is it more than this?  It feels like re-living the wound?

Yeah... .I went to a website today and I have like 9.5 out of 10.0 positive for PTSD.  Oh Well... .I am old... .I will just live with it.

As far as I am concerned I will keep the PTSD... it keeps me safe from dating, ever again!    I really do not have it in me to go thru all of the drama again.  I just pursue other things in life... .sometimes it gets to me... .but not that often.

Not playin victim... .just telling ya where I am at. I have been thru therapy, group therapy and have a self-help group. No medication, I prefer to be me.  I have good friends, work and a passionate hobby... . that has to be enough for me.  The damage was just too great. I love me... but I will never trust like that again.  I look around and I see enough evidence in the society that surrounds me that I am not exactly a fool for feeling the way I do after what I went through. I accept my decision... but there are always shades of gray with everything... .No choice is perfect.

Might be a good idea to go on personal inventory and work through this a bit with members here - maybe even bring over some of the  skills you learned in therapy and support that the members that don't have access could benefit from.

Can you share the link for the test on personal inventory?

[Infared]

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

Is it more than this?  It feels like re-living the wound?

Yeah... .I went to a website today and I have like 9.5 out of 10.0 positive for PTSD.  Oh Well... .I am old... .I will just live with it.

As far as I am concerned I will keep the PTSD... it keeps me safe from dating, ever again!    I really do not have it in me to go thru all of the drama again.  I just pursue other things in life... .sometimes it gets to me... .but not that often.

Not playin victim... .just telling ya where I am at. I have been thru therapy, group therapy and have a self-help group. No medication, I prefer to be me.  I have good friends, work and a passionate hobby... . that has to be enough for me.  The damage was just too great. I love me... but I will never trust like that again.  I look around and I see enough evidence in the society that surrounds me that I am not exactly a fool for feeling the way I do after what I went through. I accept my decision... but there are always shades of gray with everything... .No choice is perfect.

Might be a good idea to go on personal inventory and work through this a bit with members here - maybe even bring over some of the  skills you learned in therapy and support that the members that don't have access could benefit from.

Can you share the link for the test on personal inventory?

Just to be clear so that we are on the same page... I an talking about a PostTruamaticStressDisorder checklist.  I feel as though my interaction with the pwBPD has cause me most of the symptoms of the Civilian (not military) checklist of the United States Gov. Website for Vetrans Affairs. 

If I do not act out on and item... I am very aware that I am managing it... .i.e. it is present. I am also in a 12-step recovery program and my mtgs. and the 12 steps help me manage how I am... .it is always present and takes constant awareness for me to cope.  Some days I do better than others.   Dead of winter can be tough sometimes... .not always. 

I have all but the most extreme symptoms that are listed here at one level or another. 

www.mirecc.va.gov/docs/visn6/3_PTSD_CheckList_and_Scoring.pdf

I do not think that most people go thru this stuff after one of these relationships... .but I think that I am just genetically disposed to it for where I was in life and how I was treated and how "I" reacted to the circumstances.

I am going to get out in the snow and walk over to the beach later this afternoon and get a nice brisk walk going with my iPod on to get some aerobic action going on which is always helpful.  This time of year when work is slow for me I tend to get in my head too much.  Stuck with a lot of ugly memories.  I choose not to try to replace them as I could find nightmares!  LOL!  No thanks.   

[Waifed]

I think I have the dead of winter blues... !

Is it more than this?  It feels like re-living the wound?

Yeah... .I went to a website today and I have like 9.5 out of 10.0 positive for PTSD.  Oh Well... .I am old... .I will just live with it.

As far as I am concerned I will keep the PTSD... it keeps me safe from dating, ever again!    I really do not have it in me to go thru all of the drama again.  I just pursue other things in life... .sometimes it gets to me... .but not that often.

Not playin victim... .just telling ya where I am at. I have been thru therapy, group therapy and have a self-help group. No medication, I prefer to be me.  I have good friends, work and a passionate hobby... . that has to be enough for me.  The damage was just too great. I love me... but I will never trust like that again.  I look around and I see enough evidence in the society that surrounds me that I am not exactly a fool for feeling the way I do after what I went through. I accept my decision... but there are always shades of gray with everything... .No choice is perfect.

Might be a good idea to go on personal inventory and work through this a bit with members here - maybe even bring over some of the  skills you learned in therapy and support that the members that don't have access could benefit from.

Can you share the link for the test on personal inventory?

Just to be clear so that we are on the same page... I an talking about a PostTruamaticStressDisorder checklist.  I feel as though my interaction with the pwBPD has cause me most of the symptoms of the Civilian (not military) checklist of the United States Gov. Website for Vetrans Affairs. 

If I do not act out on and item... I am very aware that I am managing it... .i.e. it is present. I am also in a 12-step recovery program and my mtgs. and the 12 steps help me manage how I am... .it is always present and takes constant awareness for me to cope.  Some days I do better than others.   :)ead of winter can be tough sometimes... .not always. 

I have all but the most extreme symptoms that are listed here at one level or another. 

www.mirecc.va.gov/docs/visn6/3_PTSD_CheckList_and_Scoring.pdf

I do not think that most people go thru this stuff after one of these relationships... .but I think that I am just genetically disposed to it for where I was in life and how I was treated and how "I" reacted to the circumstances.

I am going to get out in the snow and walk over to the beach later this afternoon and get a nice brisk walk going with my iPod on to get some aerobic action going on which is always helpful.  This time of year when work is slow for me I tend to get in my head too much.  Stuck with a lot of ugly memories.  I choose not to try to replace them as I could find nightmares!  LOL!  No thanks.   

Thanks for the link Infared!  I have definitely been through PTSD based on the checklist.  Fortunately most of the items have all but disappeared in my case (with the exception of triggered days).  Bad days stink still.  Hang in there and as you know this will pass.  You don't have to live with PTSD forever.  You deserve and will eventually be in a place to find someone special again, and this time they will meet your needs too!

[mywifecrazy]

Thinking of you INFARED. You're in my prayers for peace. You have been a big help to me on these boards. Our back and for on some topics have helped me process some of the pain I was going through. I think our stories are very similar as we were both wounded by the silent assasin WAIF type of BPD's. I didn't see it coming either and I was in my relationship for 20 yrs (Married 18). This in itself leads to the PTSD. I know I was and still am at times dealing with it. My faith in GOD is what gets me through and I feel I am stronger for going through this trial.

I hope and pray you get there too brother... .Hang in there!

MWC... .

[antonio1213]

Mine didn't cheat on me. But she did have a new bf in less than a month or two. Actually looking back on it she started to have somewhat of an emotional affair with this guy she met. She was "texting him as a friend" but one of her text messages on their from him to her said something about her being the perfect woman.

I should have seen it coming, she was fishing for attention. And this was probably a week before she just packed her stuff and left.

[myself]

Was she cheating? We were going to be married, so I hope not. But I don't really know. Much of what she said was true proved to be something else. She was back in contact with one of her exes, and told me other people had asked her out. There had been times when she and I weren't in contact (her decision) between recycles where I have no clue what was going on in her life for weeks and months. But at the end? I think wherever she went, whether by herself or with whoever, what meant most to her was to not be with me. Finding herself too close with me is what sent her running, burning bridges as she went. I don't like the term 'supply', but think that's because it's true and my whole being kind of fights against that concept. Being with her, it felt to me like we got to be our better selves while together, and doing so was good for both of us. If she saw me as 'supply' it's like she was only out for herself, avoiding the better self she could have been, while using me up until fleeing to find someone else to do the same to.  

[raisins3142]

I was dumbfounded. No consequence for her either... .she just lied to everyone and played victim... .Its just amazing how much power an immature, attractive, deceptive woman can have.  How empty though in my world.

I have a cousin that likely has a PD.  She also, legitimately, has leukemia.  However, she uses this diagnosis to lie and get money from family.  For instance, she just set up a fund because supposedly her meds to keep her remission went up by a factor X100 in a month.  She called all family and was trying to get money from us all.  We checked, and she was lying (100% sure of this, in black and white with insurance, etc. documentation).  However, some family will not believe the evidence and are writing her checks of several hundred dollars each month.

This relates to my uBPDexgf.  She is a fragile, crazy mess.  She claims victimhood on multiple fronts, yet proclaims she is not a victim at the same time.

She uses this victimhood and her weak state to manipulate her family, plus they care and want to believe her.

Her aunt told me "you are the first good man X has ever been with".

I'm sure now they all agree I am a monster.

[raisins3142]

I have no idea if mine was cheating either physically or emotionally.  She is the type to be good at covering tracks, however.

I know she cheated on past boyfriends, as she isn't smart enough to keep her stories straight.  All I had to do was ask a few questions and remember some dates.  When I cornered her and made her admit she had cheated in the past, the look of amazement and shame on her face was extreme.  She still tried to weasel out and I just called her on it as in "stop talking a lot and really slowly, thinking about what to say next, because you aren't going to make this better by lying some more".

I left because she acted like the type of woman that would cheat (and I guess absolutely was as she had in the past, but she was the type to think "the past is the past and judge me based upon my present promises and words that should cancel my past somehow".  I have no doubt that if I had been with her for another year or so that she would have cheated on me.

[JRT]

My ex used to sit it out in between relationships, often this would last for years... .I am gathering that this might have been because she had her son with whom to abuse and rage against... .it was interesting that she raged against him but not me ever, in fact we had a very peaceful relationship.

Se did, however, recycle me ... .and each time, she was very convincing that there was no one else at all and I believed her... .the last time am not quite as convinced as there were a couple of things that were fishy but not enough to constitute a smoking gun... .even now, I am pretty confident she has no one new - part intuition and a small part Facebook: they always seem to parade the replacement there... .yet I am still blocked and her profile picture is her and her gf's... .

[Infared]

Thinking of you INFARED. You're in my prayers for peace. You have been a big help to me on these boards. Our back and for on some topics have helped me process some of the pain I was going through. I think our stories are very similar as we were both wounded by the silent assasin WAIF type of BPD's. I didn't see it coming either and I was in my relationship for 20 yrs (Married 18). This in itself leads to the PTSD. I know I was and still am at times dealing with it. My faith in GOD is what gets me through and I feel I am stronger for going through this trial.

I hope and pray you get there too brother... .Hang in there!

MWC... .

Thanks MWC.  I to, am fortunate enough to believe in a God of my own understanding and this helps tremendously. The betrayal just effected me at a soul-base level and kind of shook my core beliefs. I.e. I always believed the I could rely on my gut about sussing-up someone regarding trust and commitment.  Finding out that my spider senses were fallable coupled with being extremely sensitive I invited some severe pain and damage into my life with this person.

Sometimes I think that I am in denial as to how much emotional damage actually occurred. I think that sometimes I need to be just to cope.

I had no clue.

I am hanging in there and thanks so much for your support and understanding!

[SlyQQ]

Yes, I found out dec 11th was suppose to find out dec 18 th she hid her tracks well though

[neverloveagain]

In my devaluation stage and her with holding sex in the last 3 months of our rs i came to find out yes she was. My bi waif exgf only considered it cheating if she slept with another man while with me, i found out after there were a lot of women on her list she never considered that cheating as its the same sex.