So she reaches out to me at the worst possible time

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPD sent me a text this afternoon, asking me when I was going to pick up the rest of my stuff. No fluff but it was not delivered with anger. I moved out lighting fast, when she threw a "I am going on a date, out of town, on NYE" when I didn't even know that we were finished. I was out by the 30th.

I moved into a roommate situation and 15 days into that the bloody roommate says "my boyfriend and I are getting back together and we are moving into a house" what the heck? So I found another place and, when I was still wanting one last chance, I wrote my ex a letter about the fact that I was moving into a cool place, that would allow me to spoil her a bit more than I had been able to and asked her to think about it, that we had been thrown into cohabitation too quickly (her doing, my place) etc etc.

I was clear in that letter on the move in date, to the new place, and even texted it to her when I had to ask her to please hold onto my stuff until I got to the other place.

So, tomorrow, I have an important interview and she texts me! I was calm, collected, resigned to the fact that I didn't see any hope given that I could not trust her etc. I took a few hours to respond with a "I am sorry but it's going to be a little bit longer (recount of situation)"

Now my nerves are shot. I will collect myself and be fine. I know that this is an expected communication, in the sense that it's my stuff, she is graciously holding onto, but my move date is right there on the letter I wrote and it was only two weeks ago. My head was in a good space and bam!

She would always chastise me for not remembering important dates, always. "I told you two weeks ago that I/we were doing this... ."

I had to vent, sorry, and you know what? I am calming as we speak because of it. This site is cathartic.

Thanks everyone, for listening.

[LimboFL]

My exBPD sent me a text this afternoon, asking me when I was going to pick up the rest of my stuff. No fluff but it was not delivered with anger. I moved out lighting fast, when she threw a "I am going on a date, out of town, on NYE" when I didn't even know that we were finished. I was out by the 30th.

I moved into a roommate situation and 15 days into that the bloody roommate says "my boyfriend and I are getting back together and we are moving into a house" what the heck? So I found another place and, when I was still wanting one last chance, I wrote my ex a letter about the fact that I was moving into a cool place, that would allow me to spoil her a bit more than I had been able to and asked her to think about it, that we had been thrown into cohabitation too quickly (her doing, my place) etc etc.

I was clear in that letter on the move in date, to the new place, and even texted it to her when I had to ask her to please hold onto my stuff until I got to the other place.

So, tomorrow, I have an important interview and she texts me! I was calm, collected, resigned to the fact that I didn't see any hope given that I could not trust her etc. I took a few hours to respond with a "I am sorry but it's going to be a little bit longer (recount of situation)"

Now my nerves are shot. I will collect myself and be fine. I know that this is an expected communication, in the sense that it's my stuff, she is graciously holding onto, but my move date is right there on the letter I wrote and it was only two weeks ago. My head was in a good space and bam!

She would always chastise me for not remembering important dates, always. "I told you two weeks ago that I/we were doing this... ."

I had to vent, sorry, and you know what? I am calming as we speak because of it. This site is cathartic.

Thanks everyone, for listening.

[Turkish]

It's understandable to be nervous or anxious in a r/s with a pwBPD, and even more so now since you feel in limbo, yet aren't together, or you don't know. The whole walking on eggshells phrase is such an apt description. We're conditioned to meet their needs and alter our behaviors around their emotions. I felt a little of it today, a year out, when I sent a necessary email regarding her endangerment of our children. I thought, "is this going to make her mad, and will she still be mad the next time I see her?" It's a tough dynamic to break away from, but I'm glad you are making progress 

Turkish

[LimboFL]

Hi Turkish,

I don't know what I would do if I had a child with my exBPD. To be clear, so much of me wants her back, but the other part recognizes that it would only prolong what I had been through, that very little would change in the long term. I want a partner in my life but I want someone that I can trust and receive reciprocal love from which is clearly what everyone wants on this site.

Yes, the walking on egg shells term is so apt. Which is why those of us in these relationships likely over reacted (positively) when we got those days of serenity and affection with our ex's. It was days like those that keep me wondering because I believe that this is when I saw the real person inside my ex.

It is often said on this site that what we crave are the days when we were idealized and our ex's were fawning all over us. Hey, those days were nice, I admit, but for me it was the days where I believe I saw the person without all of the layers, in front of me. The woman who seemed at peace in our space, who was kind, gentle and sweet. The days where I believe she felt secure and comfortable in her own skin and with our life together. These are the days that I am having the hardest time letting go of.

I was learning how to deal with the insults and the story spins, but not the periodic brief emotional journeys she took with other men, which ended with the last straw before NYE.

I don't know where I stand. I do know that I need to stay on the path that I am on because I am rebuilding my strength. It is so much easier to do that in NC, even though I want to know how she is. You don't have that choice and my heart goes out to you, especially because your children are in the middle of it. My heart goes out to you and I wish you strength, brother.