Has anyone run into their ex after the discard?

[oortcloud]

Just curious: how did you ex react when you ran into them after the discard, especially if they tried hard to avoid you?

I'm mentally preparing myself for the day this happens to me... .pretty sure my ex will either run away or completely ignore me.

[hurting300]

I haven't yet. Mine seems to have vanished into thin air.

[jhkbuzz]

Just curious: how did you ex react when you ran into them after the discard, especially if they tried hard to avoid you?

I'm mentally preparing myself for the day this happens to me... .pretty sure my ex will either run away or completely ignore me.

Mine couldn't look me in the eye and ran away.  Lots of shame though - she had an affair, lied constantly.

[CloseToFreedom]

She has inserted herself in my friend group so she's at the same parties, and at the same pubs. She has a replacement and really lays on thick with the lovey dovey bullcrap. She is SOO happy right now.

[Deeno02]

Nope, other than a passing of cars, I havent seen her at all. However, that will come to a halt as she coaches my sons VB team, so I wont have much of a choice not to.

[proust1986]

Hi, oortcloud. I see my ex almost everyday. She ignores me entirely (her primary m.o. is stonewall silent treatment) including going out of her way never to look in my direction and taking a wide berth around me if our paths happen to cross. I love my ex and I think she's a wonderful and beautiful person who's been dealt a very difficult hand in life (even by BPD standards) so I do her the favor of respecting the boundaries she wants by just leaving her alone and going about my own business.

[Johan]

I replied to this before year r two back so i'll copy and paste and add some...

My post from last year in quotes, comment underneath is from today.

I met her last month, for the 1st time in 11months since our break. Nearly broken up a year to this day.

I had not seen my ex once.

I was in a local bar and I met her on there same steps where I met her 1st time all those years ago, where in the RS she used always tell me about me and her waiting there together, how she remembers it n was nice moment (unusual to meet her there) and she looked SHOCKED, I was shocked too, her eyes looked really open, terrified intact, so scared, and she bolted out the door completely blanking me as If i was satan, literally inches from each other walking passed.

She then made a point of walking past with a male, purposefully passed me, i seen him turn to her as if was like"are you ok"  but she just walked head straight, now last week they have moved across the other side of the world together.

I will never forget that look on her face...  ever. It was as if i was a rapist who raped her. And it crushed me. I cried once home, i had some pity for her that night, even after the smear campaign, but I don't have pity now again because I feel so down in the last week because of this.

But it really hit home how disturbed this person is... .even after her 4years of therapy... .i don't believe she is fixed. To be in this relationship easily months after our RS... , and her seeing me and reacting how she did. It makes no sense. but what I learned from here over the months... it's a mental illness, is it meant to make sense?

(although i keep thinking now she over there, maybe it just me causes this reaction, and her therapy and all worked and it was just me she's like that with as she got better, and won't be the same)

it's either complete shame (which I believe, as there is shame for some stuff she has done to me, deep down she knows it, but is in so much denial) also she now has a great relationship with her mother, going shopping etc, coffees, when for the 1st 19years of her life (before therapy) and up til 24 (years know her and together with her) she could not converse with mother but grunt... I am villifed and blackest of black to this day and now she is best friends with her mother... I am now the person who invalidated and abused her as a child...  

I also can see now in hundsight how in her therapy I had not noticed how she got talking normally to her father 1st since ever, and then a relationship eventually after 24/25 yrs with mother (exactly the time i became the living devil)... .the transference of parents on to me happened over course of her therapy.

At the start of the relationship I had a cute nickname on her like her surname and she called me 'popty'  

= father transference

mother transference - was her shouting at me calling me a liar and a bully and saying i hate you, u cheat on me and think im ugly and want to leave me

So either meeting her caused great shame for what she has done (righfully so) or she now sees me as the bad person from her childhood (her mother)... or maybe both.

It will be different for everyone once they meet the ex.

What I can say is it does get better,  I was fine for 2years there until i returned to UNI, got triggered... and started feeling guilt of how I reacted with hate after it all, and ruminating a bit trying finish my year of college after my year out... and came on here just to have a few reads of posts, see how people are doing.

[ta777]

6 weeks after she left me for someone else, she finds me at school (college). I'm pretty sure she was stalking me outside of my class. She had been trying to call me every week on Friday and I had never answered.

So she chases after me at school and asks if we can talk with her giving me her little victim face. I tell her no and that we have nothing to talk about. She continues to follow me for a few minutes insisting we need to talk. I tell her no and that all she wants to do is blame me. She tells me that's not what she wants to talk about. Eventually I lose her.

She had a smear campaign going against me the weeks before that, blaming everything on me. How I didnt give her enough attention, affection and never listened (about her insecurities).

She continued to call me that same night and I didnt answer. Next morning I text her telling her to stop calling me or I would report her. In that little moment I unblocked her, she got her foot in the door and started blaming me for everything. She said I shouldn't even be surprised that she did that. she made sure to mention the sex she was having with my replacement and etc, how happy she was.

After that I just blocked her and I hope I never see her again but I'm sure I will considering our school isn't that big. These people cannot take responsibility for their actions, she is always the victim.

[ta777]

Forgot to mention that a few hours after her blaming me she apologized, telling me she still had love for me and wanted me in her life because we were best friends. Yea right... .

[antonio1213]

I walked past her a couple of weeks after the b/u.

This was when she was telling me that she still "loved me", wanted me in her life, and kept asking how I was doing or if I was ok. (though she was already drawing in a new guy) .But When I walk past her she made absolutely no attempt at communicating.

Actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words.

[.cup.car]

When we went to court a few months ago to do all the restraining order garbage... .for someone who claims we "never dated" me, she sure couldn't take her eyes off me.

It was really bad when there was an interruption just as our proceedings started; so we're like five feet away from each other, and while everyone in the room was turned to the doors, she used this opportunity to stare at me. Did the whole putting her hand up to her face and swaying back & forth thing.

Two minutes later when the judge asked about the relationship between us: "Uh... .There WAS no relationship."

Wish I coulda worn a GoPro.

[Splitblack4good]

Just curious: how did you ex react when you ran into them after the discard, especially if they tried hard to avoid you?

I'm mentally preparing myself for the day this happens to me... .pretty sure my ex will either run away or completely ignore me.

I saw my ex BPDgf round a muteul freinds house she walked in with my replacement not knowing I was there . She refused to look me in the eye out of shame then left no more than minute later ! Times previous to this if she knew I was at the muteul freinds house by seeing my car outside she would turn her car around in a wreck less way and drive off !

Funny thing about that night that still has me confused is we had an argument eairlier that day on the phone regarding some stuff I left at her house so she blocked me on her phone 5 hours after seeing her she unblocked me at 1.30 in the morning and sent me a text saying ( sorry about seeing you eairlier I didn't realise you were there) CRAZY ! I can only think the apoligie was out of shame because during the argument prior to seeing her and blocking me I said to her how hurt I was that she got with my replacement 12 hours after we broke up pwBPD don't like being told the truth about Ther behavior because of the pain associated with ther ex and the shame so her saying sorry was a way of trying to make herself feel better and has nothing to do with my feelings .

[Infared]

Mine was with my replacement. I was alone. She looked at the ground and told him that I was standing out on the beach across the way. They had a preplanned activity for just this moment. They went into an embrace and totally acted out in front of me like a couple of 7th graders.  I could hardly believe that this was a person that I made a home for and shared 5 years of my life with. Dumbfounded and emotionally just ruined.

[antonio1213]

Mine was with my replacement. I was alone. She looked at the ground and told him that I was standing out on the beach across the way. They had a preplanned activity for just this moment. They went into an embrace and totally acted out in front of me like a couple of 7th graders.  I could hardly believe that this was a person that I made a home for and shared 5 years of my life with. Dumbfounded and emotionally just ruined.

That sounds like my worst nightmare. I am so sorry that happened to you. She sounds crazy and her illness will get her eventually. 

[Infared]

Mine was with my replacement. I was alone. She looked at the ground and told him that I was standing out on the beach across the way. They had a preplanned activity for just this moment. They went into an embrace and totally acted out in front of me like a couple of 7th graders.  I could hardly believe that this was a person that I made a home for and shared 5 years of my life with. Dumbfounded and emotionally just ruined.

That sounds like my worst nightmare. I am so sorry that happened to you. She sounds crazy and her illness will get her eventually. 

I don't even care.

I just can't believe that people actually act like this. It is not something I ever wanted to know about. It is hard to know that that is even out there?

[JRT]

Mine was with my replacement. I was alone. She looked at the ground and told him that I was standing out on the beach across the way. They had a preplanned activity for just this moment. They went into an embrace and totally acted out in front of me like a couple of 7th graders.  I could hardly believe that this was a person that I made a home for and shared 5 years of my life with. Dumbfounded and emotionally just ruined.

That sounds like my worst nightmare. I am so sorry that happened to you. She sounds crazy and her illness will get her eventually. 

I don't even care.

I just can't believe that people actually act like this. It is not something I ever wanted to know about. It is hard to know that that is even out there?

I think that this type of behavior shows the level and extent to which she is an emotional disaster and to be avoided.

[Infared]

I am glad that we are all here to support one another. Decent people should not have to go thru this nonsense.   

[JRT]

On other recycles, mine used to tell me that when she finally saw me that the episode was officially over at that point and that "all was well with the world" as she put it. This recycle has lasted 4 months and is likely to be the final one the way that it looks. In previous recycles, she would let her phone go to voice mail and such. This time she had blocked me after her sudden departure while I was away and has is so desperate to avoid any form of contact that an attempt to contact her from an unblocked hotel phone on xmas eve was returned by the local cops!

So mine: not sure, . She would either completely freak out, call the cops on me for stalking her right there and then, or fall back in love.  :-)  its part of the insanity of this all.

[LeftCoaster]

I think I saw mine in front of the grocery store once. She quickly turned around and kept her face away from me. I was worried she'd make a scene if I approached her, so I went in. She didn't have any groceries with her when I saw her (telling me she hadn't been inside yet), she didn't come in while I was in there, and she was gone when I left.

[JRT]

I wonder what the aversion is?... .in other words, what are they feeling when they see us and why are they going through such great lengths to avoid us? It seems that ESPECIALLY if it were the case that they were the ones that broke up, that they would have no problem with contact? Couple that with the fact hat most of them stalk us on social media and otherwise and the plot really thickens!

[LeftCoaster]

I think there's a part of her, deep down, that is horrified and ashamed of the things she has done. They can't deal with that, and that's why they paint us black, I think.

[JRT]

I can see that with mine as well... .but don't understand why when she saw me on other recycles, that it soothed her? It was wild man: this happened a few times where she came over after breaking up... .she would rage at me on the phone... .then we would agree to meet... .she would rage just a little more but I could tell that her heart was not INTO the rage and then she would just stop... .she would finally look at me and it looked like someone was taking away a loaded gun to hear head. She would tell me that she 'needed to see someone' and then swept things under the carpet never to be mentioned again except to tell me, at a random point, that she 'took me back'. That gave me a chuckle!

[Infern0]

Bumped into?

She refuses to leave me alone!

[Deeno02]

I have no problem. After I made a nice comment on her picture of her and the new guy, I recieved a very blunt, tactless text from her. Lesson learned. They cant even ACT like an adult, even for a few minutes. Jeez.

[oortcloud]

I think there's a part of her, deep down, that is horrified and ashamed of the things she has done. They can't deal with that, and that's why they paint us black, I think.

Agreed