Does anyone think of their person with BPD years later?

[qwaszx]

does anyone thing of their pwBPD years later?

[Loveofhislife]

I am going on my 7th month out after abandonment (August 1, 2014) --not a day goes by that I don't think of him, but it's no longer obsessive: trying to understand what happened. Now I realize I must continue to work on me. I no doubt will think of him forever not unlike how I remember 9/11/01 or Hurricane Katrina. There always will be more to learn.

[Hawk Ridge]

I am 10 months out and i often ask myself this same question as I too think of her every day.  The description of my grief and coming out of the fog is as follows:   I live on the beach.  When my grief was overwhelming, it was similar to walking on the soft sand with a strong nor'easter coming in and the strength of the waves would pull me in the stormy waters.  In my very detached and more present in real life moments, I ran freely along the firm sand unencumbered by the waves, just feeling th warmth of the sun on my face. I also experienced the days and moments between when the wave action and my reaction to it would vary.  As non's, we don't possess that same dichotomous thinking pattern so we can feel bereft snd free.  I would love to say my recovery from my r/s with a pwBPD was wave free but it is not.  It's just that I have more days on the firm sand with waves of less magnitude.  I had hoped this grief would be wave free for the rest of my life at some point but I am beginning to accept the waves will always come.  My reaction, my strength, my resilience, my faith will be the variable that determine of I allow them to sweep me out into the water.  I have not wanted to accept grief is forever but it is in that acceptance that I can heal.  Thanks for a really awesome thought provoking question.

[Loveofhislife]

And thank you, Hawk Ridge, for a very beautiful, poetic, and thought provoking analogy.  I too live near the beach and am more of a water person than a sand person.  ExbfBPD has led me to so many water metaphors where I have been challenged, hurt (those nasty jelly fish:-), and completely dumped on my head when I was carelessly body boarding amidst waves and warnings that told me to stay out of the water.

[Hawk Ridge]

Loveofhislife, the irony is I grew up in a farm, nearly drowning twice as a child so i have a great respect for water.  After I was discarded without explanation by my expwBPD, I began having anxiety attacks for the first time in my life, not able to get a good life sustaining breath as if I were submerged underneath. Through yoga practice, I am breathing again, up and out if the water.  Like you, I pay attention to the currents.  Earlier in my recovery, I kept an eye on her FB and my replacement's FB.  I would dip under the water each time.  I changed this habit and noticed I am breathing easier.  It's one if the tools I need to use as even though I am progressing at accepting some level of grief, wave action, will always be with me, I can keep strengthening the tools which keep my legs strongly underneath me as the waves come in, again varying in magnitude. From my beach to yours.

[hurting300]

You will always think of them because it's memory. I've dated a lot of normal girls and they keep in touch.

[momtara]

My ex was cruel and scary but could also be wonderful. I coparent with him so I have to talk to him nearly every day. Sometimes he's getting therapy and I get hopeful he will get better. False hope.

It is a tough world to be alone in, so sometimes someone who was nice to you even a quarter of the time seems better than having no one at all.  

I think abandonment would be the worse, even though we learn it had nothing to do with us, and even if we did everything right, it would have postponed the inevitable.  It's so easy to remember the good and not the bad.  Sometimes we have to read journals and such to remind me of how awful things could get.  Still, at least we were once loved, and it's important to know that we are good people and that's why we were chosen by our exes.

[raisins3142]

I still have a fleeting thought about a woman I dated 18 years ago.  I don't think that will ever go away.  I rarely have a hurtful thought about her though.

[Loveofhislife]

Momtara--thank you for the validation about abandonment--I never experienced anything like it--especially when most (if not all of us) had been convinced we were the love of their lives--despite their unspeakable abuses (that's what I'm having a hard time remembering)--and I think that's where some of the PTSD comes in: my subconscious mind remembers vividly what my conscious mind finds too harrowing to recall. Will I remember? Certainly parts of me will--perhaps the blindness in my left eye caused by unmitigated stress or the debt I have incurred that my creditors force me to recall or perhaps it is my children asking, "why couldn't he have at least said goodbye?"

[momtara]

Awww, that's sad.  Did he give you an explanation at all?  You can always write a clear, concise email to him.  Might give you closure.  Edit it a few times until it's the way you want.  You may not even send it, just may help with peace of mind.

[NonAverageJoe]

I thought my first love would be "Whatshername" forever... .She never was. The BPD ex of over two months now will now be that girl.

I have a new amazing girlfriend and life is thrilling again but I thought of our good times the other day.

She could be the sweetest and cutest girl on earth when she wanted. I know she still hurts and that I have my own blame. I hope she gets help one day but I won't be around her... .

[Infared]

I think of mine every day... .and its years later. 

I never went out and got a replacement... .so I guess that is why... .

It's a lot easier to move on when you have someone new in your life... .at least it always was for me.