alanon

[RR4U]

My SO has been sober for many years. He has started going back to AA for over a year doing the step work. I have seen a change in his outbursts but of course they are still there but shorter ... .I have started to feel slightly jealous about him going to meetings and hearing that i dont getbit bc im not an alcoholic.  I recently saw on here that someone mentioned Alanon. Was looking to see if anyone had success in attending these groups.  Thanks... .

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[foxangel82]

My SO has been sober for many years. He has started going back to AA for over a year doing the step work. I have seen a change in his outbursts but of course they are still there but shorter ... .I have started to feel slightly jealous about him going to meetings and hearing that i dont getbit bc im not an alcoholic.  I recently saw on here that someone mentioned Alanon. Was looking to see if anyone had success in attending these groups.  Thanks... .

I went once and found it pretty useless. I also attended one of the AA open meetings and that was a disaster ( H admitted to beating me up in front of the group and I didn't know he planned to do that ). In general,  I don't like the AA philosophy that they are powerless and need to become religious to overcome their issues.

The alanon meeting I went to stressed buying their literature.

I'm sure the program probably works well for some people.

[Hawk Ridge]

It's kind of a personal choice thing.  I grew up with an abusive dry drunk father, work in an empathetic professional job, and have dated many an alcoholic and, most recently, a pwBPD... .lovely resume (wry smile). I began going to Alanon 25 years ago, not attending regularly but more for for a gas fill-up.  For me, the gifts have come in the form of simplifying it to meet my needs.  I view steps 1- 3 as I can't fix it, God can, I think I'll let him.  Many of the other steps are about our personal accountability. For me, that's that's key as my errors in thinking lead me to ignore red flags.  Later, in the steps, I begin working on acceptance of the situation, again key as most if the situation is about my attempting to control.  I didn't cause the BPD, I can't fix it, and I can't control it.  Tough for me to accept so I have a sponsor who listens and guides me along this pathway.  She was the one who reflected back to me the reality of my stress induced illness when I was with my ex and my replacement's hospitalization while she is now with my ex.  Again, it is an individual choice but that's my experience.  Good healing to you!

[shatra]

Hi

  Both programs are very useful for alcoholics and relatives/friends, respectively. They are not religious programs; a 12-step concept is admitting being powerless over the alcohol, and turning to a Higher Power (depending on the person, they can choose to rely on God, the group,etc.) for help.  There is literature for sale if people wish to buy it, and there are also free pamphlets.

Shatra

[Rockylove]

Alanon gave me some very good insights and tools.  It may not for everyone and you may have to attend several meetings with different groups before finding the one that you feel comfortable with.  Don't stop seeking help. 

[twojaybirds]

I thought about alanon as well and had some exposure to it many years ago.

The I realized, for me anyways, all I needed was on this board or in the articles /books that are recommended.

[RR4U]

Thank you all for your answers. There id a meeting tonight. Im thinking of checking it out.  Ill post on here my thoughts.