Contentment after the storm - it feels possible

[Compassion14]

Hi. Just thought I'd share... .it's been about 6 months since the final split when I called my exBPD on his deceit, lies and appalling behaviour and knew deep down I'd never be 'with' him again. I am still pursuing the debt he owes me, but that is in hand with lawyers.

So... .started dating again, tentatively. First man, 2 dates. Realised it wasn't for me. No spark. Too many issues with his own ex - I could see where I would slot right in - the fixer, the emotional supporter - too much.

Then a second man - 3 dates we had - and I called it a day too; nicely and respectfully, but I called it - my gut told me to be careful. He was too negative, too jaded - I am a happy person who is certainly happy to be free of the chaos and negativity that my ex ALWAYS brought to my life. Why would I bring that back in via this new guy?

So, it's got me thinking... .I think my time with exBPD has made me stronger.  I feel like I know what I want and need now - or certainly have a much better understanding of what I don't want and need.

Yes, I took an emotional (and financial) kicking at the time - for almost all of the 2 years we were together and certainly over the last few months - badly. However, in terms of a switch flicking inside, and me FINALLY realising that I DID NOT and DO NOT deserve such bad treatment from someone else, I think his horrendous undeniably outrageous bad behaviour has finally spelled that out to me.

I did NOT deserve what he did. HE was the one with the problem, and I deserve SO MUCH MORE!

I am also increasingly aware that with ever day that passes I am SO much more at peace - I am unwinding from the inside out having NO contact with ex. It is pure therapy. I found myself smiling to myself as I walked down the street yesterday. I haven't done that in so long. A spontaneous, from the heart, content smile. How lovely.

So, I suppose I just wanted to say there is hope - and I am so glad I am out of the chaos - perhaps even with something good.

C14xx

[cloudten]

This is so good to read. I moved from the undecided board to the leaving board. My now uBPDxbf just walked out the door. I did it I think!

I have done the dating thing. It is bat___ scary. I don't think I will ever date again. But I am so glad you are trying!

[Wood stock]

Thank you for sharing... .Very inspirational... .Our stories sound identical--down to the "nearly two years"... .you gave me hope. Good for you! I obviously don't know you, but I am cheering for you!

[cloudten]

I am cheering for you too!