I was writing a blog post about anger and came across this quote.

[FreedomReigns]

"Silence is the most powerful scream." ~ Anonymous

I couldn't help but remember all the times I remained silent as my MIL was ranting and raving about this or that or making me feel inferior or incompetent. I am a natural introvert, so being silent was not a problem for me. But, boy did it set her in motion. She absolutely hated it when I became silent rather than engage her. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude by not speaking back, it was more of a "defense" mechanism in order to protect myself. I knew if I spoke, most likely, I'd say the wrong thing or she would use whatever I said and twist it around like she had done many times before when I did speak. So I got used to not speaking for about a day or two to give myself time to ponder what I was going to say in response to her. I stopped jumping every time she snapped her fingers, like when she'd call and leave a voice message saying it was "urgent" and that I needed to call her back right away. Nine times out of ten, it was not urgent but just a ploy to get me to respond to her. I stopped playing that game, thanks to this group. I gave it 24 hours, which drove her nuts. And as usual, it was nothing urgent at all.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. I am at a good place now. MIL died in April 2012. Since then, I have started slowly mending the fences with SIL and FIL, although there will always be holes in those fences, but at least I know they won't act like MIL did. Oh, there were a few jabs here and there at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I let them slide off my back, laughed with them, and changed the subject. I know that SIL and FIL are are not going to try to control me the way MIL did. They know that they can't.

[Kwamina]

"Silence is the most powerful scream." ~ Anonymous

Thanks for sharing this quote FreedomReigns. I'd say it's definitely true that a lot can be said through the things that people don't say. That's one of the reasons the so-called 'silent treatment' can have such huge effects on people.

I also recognize the scenario you describe. When everything you say gets twisted, then you indeed might feel like 'what's the point in saying anything?', and choose to remain silent instead.

[Ziggiddy]

Excellent notion.

I am glad you are making progress FR.

Communication is such a powerful tool that it is easy to overlook silence as a powerful tool.

It also takes some discernment for someone to realise you've gone quiet.

I have thought a lot about noise and quiet and peace in the last few weeks. I have also noticed that when i have gone quiet no one hears it. Ironic, no?

I am reminded of a scene in a Britcom where this girl sees someone she's mad at and races across the street in front of him to make sure he sees her ignoring him.

Humans, hey?

Zigg

[christin5433]

Silence is a priceless tool. It's been my saving grace and saving face. I don't need to defend myself to no one or explain the insanity of my ex. I need quiet to heal my own negative thoughts that I have and also that have been placed on me from my ex and her smearing . It's been a hard process to go through these feelings. I have gone to 3 T sessions in past 6 weeks I get to share my crazy there and my new freedom. I also use this forum to help share w others that I find I identify with or just plain vent my past and present. So I'm not hurting anyone I personally know or stuffing this all inside. It's been told to me I just need to feel my feelings and time will heal. I don't drink or use drugs I'm in recovery too so I stay very connected to that spiritual aspect. I pray daily for these people who want to harm me because I can't live in resentment . I read a cool thing this morning about looking at life w possibility ... .By letting go of what I think I need or what I believe I should do ... .I live today w possibility of not knowing? Just being in my own life