Are they always so entitled?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

The thing is, they get into relationships with "nice" guys or "nice" girls and try to use your "nice" complex against you.  In other words, the nicer you are, the more likely you are to given in to their ridiculous demands.  They feel that you are also more likely tolerate their abuse which allows them, most of the time, to get their way.

After you, the "nice" person, start standing up for yourself, that's when trouble starts.  It usually happens after a ridiculous demand in which you don't give in to.  At least, that's when it happened to me. 

All of sudden we're "controlling", "self centered", "an emotional robot", etc. 

You need to really laugh at the hilarity of it all. 

[expos]

The thing is, they get into relationships with "nice" guys or "nice" girls and try to use your "nice" complex against you.  In other words, the nicer you are, the more likely you are to given in to their ridiculous demands.  They feel that you are also more likely tolerate their abuse which allows them, most of the time, to get their way.

After you, the "nice" person, start standing up for yourself, that's when trouble starts.  It usually happens after a ridiculous demand in which you don't give in to.  At least, that's when it happened to me. 

All of sudden we're "controlling", "self centered", "an emotional robot", etc. 

You need to really laugh at the hilarity of it all. 

[hergestridge]

Entitlement almost seems like an euphemism for the way she acted.  But truth is, I was never really sure if it was simply a symptom of her BPD or just a result of growing up rich.

This is interesting. I always tried to find a reason for the strange behaviour of my uBPDex. My theory was, that she was grown up as the only child of her parents. She always complained when I left traces of my existence somewhere. She even complained when I was doing the washing-up when it was her turn and didn't finish it because I had to pick up her children at the school. "Oh, dear? Have you dropped the hammer once again?"

That thing with the dishes happened to me too! The exact same situation. It's an odd way of thinking. It's like when someone offered to help us for free, or to give us something. That did not keep her from criticizing the quality of what we were given for free, more or less straight to the face of the person who had helped us. Unbelievable.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

The thing is, they get into relationships with "nice" guys or "nice" girls and try to use your "nice" complex against you.  In other words, the nicer you are, the more likely you are to given in to their ridiculous demands.  They feel that you are also more likely tolerate their abuse which allows them, most of the time, to get their way.

After you, the "nice" person, start standing up for yourself, that's when trouble starts.  It usually happens after a ridiculous demand in which you don't give in to.  At least, that's when it happened to me. 

All of sudden we're "controlling", "self centered", "an emotional robot", etc. 

You need to really laugh at the hilarity of it all. 

This is completely correct.  They paint you black as soon as you show some self respect and demand some balance.  In my case it got even worse.  She found a replacement and then expected me to triangulate with her so she could have two of us licking her feet.  Then she couldn't figure out why I went NC and she accused me of lacking any feelings and cutting them all off.  What a complete joke of a woman.

Have since started dating a real woman and the difference is incredible.  For all those out there experiencing the pain of being discarded - soldier on and remember this is only the end of a miserable relationship and good things will be coming your way.  Concentrate on healing within yourself and don't waste any energy on these BPD jokers.  Their toxic energy will be consuming their next victim - you are now free.

[Hutsepotmetworst]

Quote of UxBPDFgf, very early in the RS :

"I have to be EVERYTHING for you !"

[hergestridge]

The thing is, they get into relationships with "nice" guys or "nice" girls and try to use your "nice" complex against you.  In other words, the nicer you are, the more likely you are to given in to their ridiculous demands.  They feel that you are also more likely tolerate their abuse which allows them, most of the time, to get their way.

After you, the "nice" person, start standing up for yourself, that's when trouble starts.  It usually happens after a ridiculous demand in which you don't give in to.  At least, that's when it happened to me. 

All of sudden we're "controlling", "self centered", "an emotional robot", etc. 

You need to really laugh at the hilarity of it all. 

This is completely correct.  They paint you black as soon as you show some self respect and demand some balance. 

Balance is a concept that is simply pointless to even try to explain to a pwBPD. We just see things differently. In my relationship I tried to make us work as a team. To my wife we were not even in the same team, we were playing against each other. In her world, having to "back down" was a failure, even if it was necessary.

I think it's related to the lack of a stable self; no steady concepts of truth or justice/fairness either.

Ten years into our relationship I set some boundaries that had to do with my personal freedom, i e I started living a normal life instead of being locked in a room. I am sure she saw the reasonable in this, but she never forgave me. I was the root of all evil from then on. Just like her father and mother had been. Just like her brother had been.

Anyone who puts up a hand says "Wait a minute, you're going a bit too far here". That person is the enemy, and then the war is on.

[Maternus]

That did not keep her from criticizing the quality of what we were given for free, more or less straight to the face of the person who had helped us. Unbelievable.

One day I was alone at her apartment in the morning preparing the lunch for her children. Somebody rang the doorbell, a guy from the electricity provider. He said he has to disconnect the electricity, the bill wasn't paid for month. I told him that I don't live here and I can't let him in. I told him to come again when my gf is back but he said he will contact the landlady. After some more dispute I went with him to my bank and paid the bill - it was more than half of my months salary. This happened again two months later and my ex acted like it was self-evident not to pay the power bill and let me pay it for her. When it happened the third time I was short of money and she had no electricity for three days. It was winter and her heating system didn't work without electricity. For three days she and her two children moved into my one-roomed apartment. She left me for my replacement about three weeks we moved in together and when I moved out I asked if she has already changed the contract with the electricity provider, we both signed it .  ":)o you think that is necessary?" she asked. I answered that I don't want to be liable when she doesn't pay the power bill once again. She reacted indignant: "What gave you that idea?"

[iluminati]

After you, the "nice" person, start standing up for yourself, that's when trouble starts.  It usually happens after a ridiculous demand in which you don't give in to.  At least, that's when it happened to me. 

All of sudden we're "controlling", "self centered", "an emotional robot", etc. 

The emotional robot remarks are the most interesting ones to me.  It just seems like any reaction that isn't pure id raging out at full blast is somehow "cold" and "impersonal".  My exBPDw would make a point to say that she's a "real woman" whenever I pointed out how out of proportion her reactions would be to the slightest things.  I was told that I wasn't a "real man" for not constantly acting extremely to every other thing.  Interestingly enough, the rare times where I flew off the handle is what calmed her down.  It was like the only thing she understood emotionally was pure unadulterated joy, anger and/or sorrow, and that everything else was somehow an act.  If I would have embraced my inner Ike Turner and started whipping tail, she might have been a better wife, and we'd still be together.  Still, the idea of having to fly off the handle all the time to communicate just feels exhausting, never mind the execution part.

[expos]

The emotional robot remarks are the most interesting ones to me.  It just seems like any reaction that isn't pure id raging out at full blast is somehow "cold" and "impersonal".  My exBPDw would make a point to say that she's a "real woman" whenever I pointed out how out of proportion her reactions would be to the slightest things.  I was told that I wasn't a "real man" for not constantly acting extremely to every other thing.  Interestingly enough, the rare times where I flew off the handle is what calmed her down.  It was like the only thing she understood emotionally was pure unadulterated joy, anger and/or sorrow, and that everything else was somehow an act.  If I would have embraced my inner Ike Turner and started whipping tail, she might have been a better wife, and we'd still be together.  Still, the idea of having to fly off the handle all the time to communicate just feels exhausting, never mind the execution part.

It's the same thing with me, illuminati. 

I had two massive screaming matches with my exBPD wife.   It was after she insulted me and I went full-tilt at her.  Whenever we'd argue, I'd remain cold, direct, and unaffected by whatever she said to me.  I was told by my parents at a very young age to behave this way when people picked nonsensical arguments or tried to start with me, as it quickly diffuses the situation and shows that you are not going to engage them.

The problem is that people with BPD will continue to chip away at your defense mechanisms until you have no choice but to explode.  Even my calm emotions were not effective in creating some sort of guidance for her.   I could feel her respect dwindling each time I actually stood up for myself.  I wasn't going to win. 

[Gonzalo]

The problem is that people with BPD will continue to chip away at your defense mechanisms until you have no choice but to explode. 

And when you do finally explode after long provocation, the pwBPD uses that reaction to paint the abuse as a mutual shouting match.

[CloseToFreedom]

The problem is that people with BPD will continue to chip away at your defense mechanisms until you have no choice but to explode. 

And when you do finally explode after long provocation, the pwBPD uses that reaction to paint the abuse as a mutual shouting match.

Spot on!

[expos]

The problem is that people with BPD will continue to chip away at your defense mechanisms until you have no choice but to explode. 

And when you do finally explode after long provocation, the pwBPD uses that reaction to paint the abuse as a mutual shouting match.

GASLIGHTING.

[Deeno02]

The problem is that people with BPD will continue to chip away at your defense mechanisms until you have no choice but to explode. 

And when you do finally explode after long provocation, the pwBPD uses that reaction to paint the abuse as a mutual shouting match.

Spot on!

I should have, but didn't. Folded like a cheap suit.

[expos]

d) She bought 3 wedding dresses and only wore one, she didnt take the others back.

g) She gets to decide every event attend, all Christmases and Easters should be spent with her family.

k) She can tell me she is attracted to someone but I have to not mention any exes or say anything to make her jealous

This made me sick to read.

d) This brings a lot of painful memories for me.  She made me upgrade her wedding ring 5 months after we married because she wanted one that was a big as her co-workers.  I get sick thinking about how awfully materialistic she was.

g) Also, if we spent any time with my family, she'd tried to find ways to end the trip early so we could get back to hanging out with her family during the holidays.  It was all her, her needs, everything.

k) She'd find any way to slander my exes ("they're not pretty", "I don't know what you saw in them", and she'd triangulate me with her exes or compare them to me.  Baffling, in that all of her exes were some of the grossest looking men I've ever seen.

I think someone else here mentioned that we are held to such high standards and called out for everything we do wrong.  Meanwhile, they act like the biggest entitled brats, treat us like garbage 90% of the time, and generally behave like psychopaths.  I get ANGRY just thinking about the double-standards.   The sad thing is, they get away with it seem to find new people will take out their issues on.  

[Perfidy]

I concur. Entitlement in the extreme.

[Trog]

d) She bought 3 wedding dresses and only wore one, she didnt take the others back.

g) She gets to decide every event attend, all Christmases and Easters should be spent with her family.

k) She can tell me she is attracted to someone but I have to not mention any exes or say anything to make her jealous

This made me sick to read.

d) This brings a lot of painful memories for me.  She made me upgrade her wedding ring 5 months after we married because she wanted one that was a big as her co-workers.  I get sick thinking about how awfully materialistic she was.

g) Also, if we spent any time with my family, she'd tried to find ways to end the trip early so we could get back to hanging out with her family during the holidays.  It was all her, her needs, everything.

k) She'd find any way to slander my exes ("they're not pretty", "I don't know what you saw in them", and she'd triangulate me with her exes or compare them to me.  Baffling, in that all of her exes were some of the grossest looking men I've ever seen.

I think someone else here mentioned that we are held to such high standards and called out for everything we do wrong.  Meanwhile, they act like the biggest entitled brats, treat us like garbage 90% of the time, and generally behave like psychopaths.  I get ANGRY just thinking about the double-standards.   The sad thing is, they get away with it seem to find new people will take out their issues on.  

It is anger making, but I am not so angry about her continuing on that way, the pain she gets from losing everyone in her life is extreme and will meet out in time more pain and revenge than I could ever dream up. So... .let her play on. And let her do it 1000 miles from me. I'll take the simple life. 

[propunchingbag]

So I guess thats a YES!

After working all day to try to get ahead I get told my job is not good enough and I need to change careers. Keep in mind I have been doing the same career for 10 years and I am considered the best in my field in the area we live in.

She tells me to consider selling houses, selling cars, selling drugs, just make more money!

I faked having to use the bathroom just to get away from her.

[jedimaster]

So I guess thats a YES!

After working all day to try to get ahead I get told my job is not good enough and I need to change careers. Keep in mind I have been doing the same career for 10 years and I am considered the best in my field in the area we live in.

She tells me to consider selling houses, selling cars, selling drugs, just make more money!

I faked having to use the bathroom just to get away from her.

I could have written this, word for word, including the part about the career and being an expert in my field of work. 

I finally had a little dysregulation of my own, told her in no uncertain terms I would NOT change jobs, I have had it with the criticism of my career, and put her on a cash allowance every two weeks for groceries and household items.  She receives a stipend for caring for her mother, who receives VA benefits via her late husband.  So she has income. 

After the dust settled, I stuck to my guns, put her on the allowance, and she has moved on to other topics for criticism.

After about 6 weeks she went out and got a part-time job.  Unlike a lot of pwBPD, she has a strong work ethic and can hold a job as long as she wants. (Her ego couldn't bear it if someone thought her to be a slacker, so she'd rather be a workaholic.)

That's a rare success story among many un-success stories.  There is not a single day goes by, not one, that she does not make some comment showing an extreme sense of entitlement.  What exactly qualifies her to be so entitled, other than breathing, I cannot fathom.

[iluminati]

d) She bought 3 wedding dresses and only wore one, she didnt take the others back.

g) She gets to decide every event attend, all Christmases and Easters should be spent with her family.

k) She can tell me she is attracted to someone but I have to not mention any exes or say anything to make her jealous

This made me sick to read.

d) This brings a lot of painful memories for me.  She made me upgrade her wedding ring 5 months after we married because she wanted one that was a big as her co-workers.  I get sick thinking about how awfully materialistic she was.

g) Also, if we spent any time with my family, she'd tried to find ways to end the trip early so we could get back to hanging out with her family during the holidays.  It was all her, her needs, everything.

k) She'd find any way to slander my exes ("they're not pretty", "I don't know what you saw in them", and she'd triangulate me with her exes or compare them to me.  Baffling, in that all of her exes were some of the grossest looking men I've ever seen.

d) I managed to duck that wedding ring upgrade.  I just looked at her like she was crazy and kept it moving.

g) I originally set it up so that we visited her family first, so I had a ready to book it out of there.  Eventually, she kept ditching family events because she didn't think my family was "folksy" enough for her.

k) Oh, the ex slander was real.  The upshot was that because I didn't exactly spend my 20s in Bible Study, she used every adjective about how loose they were.  The funny part was that I met my exBPDw at a swing party, and I think 80% of her ex's preferred the company of gentlemen (which kind of sucks if you want to actually marry them).

And LORD the fights over my career.  I too was asked if I was willing to start selling drugs to bring in more money.  Foolishly, I took a slightly different job than the one I was doing because the hours were more convenient for her.  That compromise was a dumb move.  If it were up to her, I'd be a millionaire who didn't have to work, so that I could just give her bottomless piles of cash to spend to feed her various trigger behaviors.