Should i get my car from her?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I can't believe i haven't put this up here.

I left the uBPD wife in november.

she's driving my car.

I'm divorcing her.

Tired of all the BS.

It took a letter from my lawyer to get my garage door opener back. That's how hard it is to get my stuff back.

The car is 100% in my name.

Should i go to her work, drop off her P.O.S. car that I'm driving, get in my car and take off?

I know it would get twisted around "I stole her car" blah blah blah

Truth is its my car.

I paid for it myself 100% out of my own (not joint) account.

Thoughts?

[cehlers55]

I can't believe i haven't put this up here.

I left the uBPD wife in november.

she's driving my car.

I'm divorcing her.

Tired of all the BS.

It took a letter from my lawyer to get my garage door opener back. That's how hard it is to get my stuff back.

The car is 100% in my name.

Should i go to her work, drop off her P.O.S. car that I'm driving, get in my car and take off?

I know it would get twisted around "I stole her car" blah blah blah

Truth is its my car.

I paid for it myself 100% out of my own (not joint) account.

Thoughts?

[ForeverDad]

If a garage door opener was worthy of a lawyer's attention, then surely a car should be.  Better to fix it sooner than later but don't be surprised if she feels entitled and obstinate.

The problem is that during a divorce possession is hard to change and return is hard to enforce.  She could claim that when the divorce becomes final then she will get it in the 'settlement'. 

Whatever you do I think you'll have to do it right and more or less within the law, your lawyer should know, just switching cars could get you dragged into court to defend your unilateral actions in the middle of a divorce.  Judges generally don't like when the status quo is upset by the spouse who is expected to behave properly.

At some point the plate renewal reminder will arrive in the mail, presumably to your new address.  I don't think she is legally able to renew the annual plate fees?  However, I wouldn't risk her driving a vehicle with expired plates, nor should you risk driving her car on expired plates.  Find a way to stake your claims, the longer she has the car, the harder it will be to pry it away from her.  So I feel you need to get the exchange done by the time either car has to have it's plates renewed, let that be the deadline, your line in the sand, your 'boundary'.  And if in the meantime you have court hearings, make sure it is mentioned to the judge for his input, hopefully "Ma'am, exchange the cars", and not lost in the shuffle.

[david]

If the title is in your name then why can't you just go to her residence with the police to get your car back ?

[Turkish]

In California, you can renew registration by the web by entering the plate number and the last 4 digits of the VIN. Might be similar elsewhere. The tags, of course, will go to whatever address is on the registration.

[Nope]

I'm going to say you should go get your car a m d drop off hers. And do it sooner rather than later.

Why? Funny story from my own childhood: My parents divorced when I was in grade school. I don't know all the details, but both cars were in both their names. Shortly after the divorce was finalized and cars were signed over to the individuals who would keep them my mother moved out of state. I just remember my dad being incredibly angry at having to drive from one city to another to pay parking tickets she racked up while her car was in both their names because he couldn't get his registration renewed until all the fines were paid.

If that car is solely in your name than you are ultimately responsible for anything that happens with it. Yes, she *could* get that in the divorce. But she hasn't yet. She can scream and yell all she wants (and she will) but as long as the registration, tags, title, and insurance are all in your name you should be fine.

[Nope]

But again, nobody here can give you legal advice. Ask an L to be sure.

[livednlearned]

If you have filed, but have not settled, it's best to run this by your lawyer.

There is a strange thing in family law with joint property before divorce is finalized. If one of the spouses removes items from the home, or takes money out of joint accounts, it's almost expected and everyone looks the other way. I think court, above all else, doesn't want to be involved in what to them appears like a bunch of squabbling.

It could be that the same goes for the car. If you haven't put anything in writing, or signed any legal documents, and it's just a matter of her driving your car, and you are the sole owner on the title, then it could be that there are no consequences for reclaiming your car.

But if you have a divorce order in place and things have been legally split, then you start messing with court orders and that's not a good idea.

I would run it by your lawyer just to be on the safe side. And if you decide to switch cars and are at all worried about safety, then ask for domestic assistance from law enforcement. It may be called something different where you live. They do this all the time. You call them up, tell them the situation, and tell them you want to avoid a scene or public disturbance, and they will show up, watch while you exchange cars, and then everyone leaves.

[cehlers55]

Thanks everyone,, all really good advice.

I've emailed my lawyer to see what she says.

I haven't officially filed yet, still 10 days left on the mandatory 60 day cooling off period.

Thanks again.

[cehlers55]

My attorney advised NOT to go directly and get my car back.

my attorney said it's possible that my ex wife might call the police and file a report that the car was stolen.

Which would complicate things she said.

So my attorney is writing a letter to her attorney requesting that she return the car to me.

It was so funny, almost like my attorney know how my crazy ex-wife's brain works.

Probably because she's seen this stuff before... .

Thanks again.