Had to Break Things Off with a Wonderful Person... Too Soon

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

After the relationship with my BPD ex girlfriend ended, I tried to get myself back out there and start dating. I met a really terrific woman, but I just broke things off with her because I realized it was too soon. I'm still processing everything from my last breakup, and I can't invest myself in a relationship as much as this woman deserves. 

Not the end of the world, I just need a little more time for me, to really accept the end of the relationship and be in a position to move on.

[mrwigand]

After the relationship with my BPD ex girlfriend ended, I tried to get myself back out there and start dating. I met a really terrific woman, but I just broke things off with her because I realized it was too soon. I'm still processing everything from my last breakup, and I can't invest myself in a relationship as much as this woman deserves. 

Not the end of the world, I just need a little more time for me, to really accept the end of the relationship and be in a position to move on.

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I did the same thing after my breakup with my BPD ex fiance.  I knew that I was far from 100% and at that point might have even gone for a recycle.  The ethical thing to do was to take time to date myself and heal.  Much respect to you for being a healthy decent human and doing the same.

[HappyNihilist]

It takes what it takes... .and sometimes that's quite a while. I'm over 10 months out and still can't imagine trying to date.

Taking time to focus on and heal yourself helps pave the way for relationships that are mutually beneficial and healthy. It's very commendable that you recognized that you need some more time.

Both of you showed great respect, self-awareness, honesty, and empathy in your actions. 

[CloseToFreedom]

I tried this a few times after one of the countless break ups and had the same experience as you. It felt forced, and because you're still so occupied by your ex, you're not really into it.

It sucks for the other person and its best to be honest about it. Also to yourself. I'm single now while my exgf has a replacement. She 'won' that game. I don't mind anymore. I'm just trying to heal.

[Splitblack4good]

I'm in the same boat I'm 3 months post b/u my ex is In a relationship with my replacement . I was asked out by a nice women that works at my dental practice we exchanged a few texts but was honest with her and told her the basics and that I'm not over it all yet she was very understanding and told me she will be there if I change my mind or when I feel ready . It's refreshing on one hand to know Ther are healthy minded women out Ther it just seems so strange after dating a women with BPD . What hasn't helped me is I was in LC with my ex then I went NC for 16 days and was starting to detach then out of nowhere at 1.30 the ex decided to blow up my phone with 6 or so phone calls (all ignored ) and a string of texts messages again ( all ignored ) that carried on till 4.30 am I can only gather she was dysregulating after having a argument with my replacement . She's sent other texts since then to get a reaction . Why do they do it ?

[CloseToFreedom]

I'm in the same boat I'm 3 months post b/u my ex is In a relationship with my replacement . I was asked out by a nice women that works at my dental practice we exchanged a few texts but was honest with her and told her the basics and that I'm not over it all yet she was very understanding and told me she will be there if I change my mind or when I feel ready . It's refreshing on one hand to know Ther are healthy minded women out Ther it just seems so strange after dating a women with BPD . What hasn't helped me is I was in LC with my ex then I went NC for 16 days and was starting to detach then out of nowhere at 1.30 the ex decided to blow up my phone with 6 or so phone calls (all ignored ) and a string of texts messages again ( all ignored ) that carried on till 4.30 am I can only gather she was dysregulating after having a argument with my replacement . She's sent other texts since then to get a reaction . Why do they do it ?

I had the same thing happen during previous break-ups with my ex. She would start contacting me again if:

a) she found out I was dating again;

b) the replacement wasn't as fun/loyal/easy to influence as she thought

After 11 weeks it seems that its over now for good.

[Splitblack4good]

I'm in the same boat I'm 3 months post b/u my ex is In a relationship with my replacement . I was asked out by a nice women that works at my dental practice we exchanged a few texts but was honest with her and told her the basics and that I'm not over it all yet she was very understanding and told me she will be there if I change my mind or when I feel ready . It's refreshing on one hand to know Ther are healthy minded women out Ther it just seems so strange after dating a women with BPD . What hasn't helped me is I was in LC with my ex then I went NC for 16 days and was starting to detach then out of nowhere at 1.30 the ex decided to blow up my phone with 6 or so phone calls (all ignored ) and a string of texts messages again ( all ignored ) that carried on till 4.30 am I can only gather she was dysregulating after having a argument with my replacement . She's sent other texts since then to get a reaction . Why do they do it ?

I had the same thing happen during previous break-ups with my ex. She would start contacting me again if:

a) she found out I was dating again;

b) the replacement wasn't as fun/loyal/easy to influence as she thought

After 11 weeks it seems that its over now for good.

The story with my ex is my replacement is freinds with all of her now ex freinds and fallen out on a massive level to the point they even went round her house to fill her in ! I'm only guessing that's what the conflict and arguments have been about since day 1 and every argument has triggered her abandonment fears ! He lives with her but he certainly couldn't of been Ther Friday night as my ex tried 3 hours straight to atempt contact . The thing that drives me crazy the most is what she puts in her last few texts to me it's mind games and riddles . I'm not sure if she's fishing for sympathy or and atatchment or purely seeing how emotionally invested I am . I've noticed the more you become detached and silent the more they try .