Need tips, leaving, how to forget the past quickly?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Dear all,

my ex with BPD broke up with me suddenly for the 2. time. My Feeling is mixed: sorrow, love, anger... .I realize that I have enough of his verbal abuse and don't want to live like this anymore. Therefore, I finally decide to leave, regardless whether he comes back again to me this time.

However, the memory comes back into my mind again and again automatically, especially during the sleep. or every morning after I am awake.

It is much easier for pwBPD, they select their memories and paint ex black. For me, it is difficult. In the past, he always came to me, sent me SMS everyday and so on. He took almost all my time for him. Right now, he suddenly turns into another person and is gone, with no relationship, no friendship, nothing.

What can I do, if I want to forget the past quickly? I really don't want to think about the past anymore... .

[apple2]

Dear all,

my ex with BPD broke up with me suddenly for the 2. time. My Feeling is mixed: sorrow, love, anger... .I realize that I have enough of his verbal abuse and don't want to live like this anymore. Therefore, I finally decide to leave, regardless whether he comes back again to me this time.

However, the memory comes back into my mind again and again automatically, especially during the sleep. or every morning after I am awake.

It is much easier for pwBPD, they select their memories and paint ex black. For me, it is difficult. In the past, he always came to me, sent me SMS everyday and so on. He took almost all my time for him. Right now, he suddenly turns into another person and is gone, with no relationship, no friendship, nothing.

What can I do, if I want to forget the past quickly? I really don't want to think about the past anymore... .

[CloseToFreedom]

We've all been there. I'm sorry to say that the only thing that will really help is time. You need time to grieve, to detatch, to process the break up.

I'm 11 weeks out now and I'm VERY slowly getting a bit better. I'm not depressed 24 hours of the day anymore, more like... .22 hours, haha.

You say you don't want to think about the past, but thinking about the past is your mind's way to process all this pain and to give it a place. Its actually what makes us Nons normal versus the splitting of the BPD.

What helps is No Contact. That also means not looking at social media, whatsapp, calling, emailing, whatever. Total shutdown. I made the mistake of trying to contact her. Then again, she has taken over part of my social circle and I bump into her (and her new bf) on parties and in pubs a lot. So I have to get used to it anyway.

I wish you all the best and strength. It is very difficult.  

[apple2]

We've all been there. I'm sorry to say that the only thing that will really help is time. You need time to grieve, to detatch, to process the break up.

I'm 11 weeks out now and I'm VERY slowly getting a bit better. I'm not depressed 24 hours of the day anymore, more like... .22 hours, haha.

You say you don't want to think about the past, but thinking about the past is your mind's way to process all this pain and to give it a place. Its actually what makes us Nons normal versus the splitting of the BPD.

What helps is No Contact. That also means not looking at social media, whatsapp, calling, emailing, whatever. Total shutdown. I made the mistake of trying to contact her. Then again, she has taken over part of my social circle and I bump into her (and her new bf) on parties and in pubs a lot. So I have to get used to it anyway.

I wish you all the best and strength. It is very difficult.  

Hey Closetofreedom,

I like your name. I am also looking forward to my freedom in the near future.

Right now almost 5 weeks were gone. I regret that after the 4. week I met him once for a coffee. And then he did something making me feel more confused and painful.

NC is good. I actually do not know what I can still talk to him. I can talk to the nice person version of him, but that version is no more there,  He said too many things to hurt my feeling. I forgive him, I just need to forget... .

Whatever the truth between me and him is, I want to have freedom. A big hug! Let's restore the courage and look forward.

[CloseToFreedom]

You want to talk to the person he once acted to be. You want to talk to the illusion that you created in your own head. You want the illusion back of a happy life together, for the rest of your life.

I understand. I want the same thing. I want that future back. But it isn´t possible, not with our exes.

[apple2]

You want to talk to the person he once acted to be. You want to talk to the illusion that you created in your own head. You want the illusion back of a happy life together, for the rest of your life.

I understand. I want the same thing. I want that future back. But it isn´t possible, not with our exes.

I need to close my heart for him. Since I believe that he suffers from BPD, or a mix of BPD and other disorders, I forgive him again and again and again, whatever he said or he did.

We should take care of ourselves:)

[Heldfast]

The best way to forget the past is to look to the future. Go NC, but then start looking for things you want, or have wanted to do. Pick the top three. Want to learn a language, learn a craft, take up painting, travel, rock climb, all fine, start doing them. Pick up a little time with a friend, and talk this out of your system, but for every comment you make about the ex, you make two about what you want to do for you. I'm seven weeks out, and I have good days and bad days, but the good days come when I'm taking care of me. The bad days when I dwell on the ex. Also, I've been enjoying reading Ruiz, The Mastery of Love. Nice book, nothing too deep, about loving ourselves and getting rid of the garbage.

[apple2]

The best way to forget the past is to look to the future. Go NC, but then start looking for things you want, or have wanted to do. Pick the top three. Want to learn a language, learn a craft, take up painting, travel, rock climb, all fine, start doing them. Pick up a little time with a friend, and talk this out of your system, but for every comment you make about the ex, you make two about what you want to do for you. I'm seven weeks out, and I have good days and bad days, but the good days come when I'm taking care of me. The bad days when I dwell on the ex. Also, I've been enjoying reading Ruiz, The Mastery of Love. Nice book, nothing too deep, about loving ourselves and getting rid of the garbage.

Hey, thanks for sharing. I will urge myself to do those things. hehe... .Although I am still depressed from time to time, but changing attitude some times begins with changing behavior.

I want to share this quote with you. I read it today:

"No matter what you are going through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it may seem hard to get to it. But you can do it and just keep working towards it and you will find the positive side of things. "

We will be ok!

[Heldfast]

Had a really good conversation with a friend on this. Basically said, "Look you're here crying about it, but that woman isn't who you thought she was, doesn't care, has moved on immediately to another man, is hurtful and damaging, and looks ridiculous to everyone who sees what's going on. Is that what you want in a partner?" When I said, no, absolutely not, he went on "well if they don't care, and you don't want that, then who are you crying for?" Was a good moment of clarity.

[raisins3142]

First, I would not try to forget the past quickly.  Personally, if I were to do that, then I might start doing unhealthy things that cause strong emotions.  That is what pwBPDs do to "forget"... .get into rebound r/s, use drugs/alcohol, engage in risky behaviors, etc.  Not saying you or anyone will do that, but I've never seen someone setting out to quickly forget the past have a smooth ride of it.

Second, for me it is a paradox.  If I set out to do healthy things and work on myself and my thoughts, then I will naturally being to let go of the past.  If I placed as a central goal a quick forgetting of the past, then, in a sense, I am thinking of the past (at least the forgetting of it).  It is sort of like how people that are depressed focus on ridding themselves of those feelings and so are trapped by them.

Good luck.  I find when I am doing fun activities or something I'm interested in that I feel better and my mind around my ex quiets.  Go have fun and relax and be social, it is good for you and will lead you where you'd like in time.

[apple2]

Had a really good conversation with a friend on this. Basically said, "Look you're here crying about it, but that woman isn't who you thought she was, doesn't care, has moved on immediately to another man, is hurtful and damaging, and looks ridiculous to everyone who sees what's going on. Is that what you want in a partner?" When I said, no, absolutely not, he went on "well if they don't care, and you don't want that, then who are you crying for?" Was a good moment of clarity.

That's absolutely right. Mine can also move on in 3 seconds and rewrite the history... .I doubt whether he really understands the normal human being's emotion.

Maybe I just cried for the illusion of that man in my head.

Actually, I should be happy that I don't need to live like this anymore, from the long-term perspective.

[apple2]

First, I would not try to forget the past quickly.  Personally, if I were to do that, then I might start doing unhealthy things that cause strong emotions.  That is what pwBPDs do to "forget"... .get into rebound r/s, use drugs/alcohol, engage in risky behaviors, etc.  Not saying you or anyone will do that, but I've never seen someone setting out to quickly forget the past have a smooth ride of it.

Second, for me it is a paradox.  If I set out to do healthy things and work on myself and my thoughts, then I will naturally being to let go of the past.  If I placed as a central goal a quick forgetting of the past, then, in a sense, I am thinking of the past (at least the forgetting of it).  It is sort of like how people that are depressed focus on ridding themselves of those feelings and so are trapped by them.

Good luck.  I find when I am doing fun activities or something I'm interested in that I feel better and my mind around my ex quiets.  Go have fun and relax and be social, it is good for you and will lead you where you'd like in time.

I am trying to do what I'm interested in. Although at the beginning I had some concentration Problem, gradually I am getting better. Will have a one-week vocation from next Monday on and visit some old friends in the States (I live now in Europe). I hope the journey will help me find back the old version of myself, a happy myself.

[apple2]

The best way to forget the past is to look to the future. Go NC, but then start looking for things you want, or have wanted to do. Pick the top three. Want to learn a language, learn a craft, take up painting, travel, rock climb, all fine, start doing them. Pick up a little time with a friend, and talk this out of your system, but for every comment you make about the ex, you make two about what you want to do for you. I'm seven weeks out, and I have good days and bad days, but the good days come when I'm taking care of me. The bad days when I dwell on the ex. Also, I've been enjoying reading Ruiz, The Mastery of Love. Nice book, nothing too deep, about loving ourselves and getting rid of the garbage.

Hey Heldfast,

today is a bad day for me. Mine is perhaps a pwNPD/BPD, according to my therapist. Therefore, if I think about the past, I even doubt whether there was a relationship or the relationship was just a fake (Since NPD finds out a partner only to prove their own value). I could not process the past story correctly. There is endless confusion, regardless how many books I read. I have headache and concentration problem. I don't know why I can not just let the past go. 

How did you overcome this concentration issue? When I am doing something I like, the idea of my "love story" still comes automatically back. I hate this... .

[Heldfast]

I do ruminate on it still, but there is much less pain and anger. But the first part is realizing that the person I was presented with was doing her best proximate on of what she believed love to be, but at best could only make the act work so long. Recognizing that the emotions for her were only as real as she felt at that moment, makes me realize that for her, the relationship was never truly solid, because she was not really, truly solid. Therefore the relationship was a skin deep artifice, all the appearance of a beautiful reality, but nothing beneath it. Worse, really ugly demons beneath it, just waiting for the chance to tear it all away. Mindfulness of your tasks is a small part. What do I need to do, checklist it, do it. Take a little time for yourself every day. Clean out the garbage every day, I mean delete all old emails, put the pictures away, defriend on FB, defriend their friends, etc. get rid of the garbage, do not contact them ever.

[apple2]

But the first part is realizing that the person I was presented with was doing her best proximate on of what she believed love to be, but at best could only make the act work so long. Recognizing that the emotions for her were only as real as she felt at that moment, makes me realize that for her, the relationship was never truly solid, because she was not really, truly solid. Therefore the relationship was a skin deep artifice, all the appearance of a beautiful reality, but nothing beneath it. Worse, really ugly demons beneath it, just waiting for the chance to tear it all away.

Thanks Heldfast. Good thinking. I feel more peaceful after reading this. It can help me a lot when I look at the past.

[Rifka]

Dear all,

my ex with BPD broke up with me suddenly for the 2. time. My Feeling is mixed: sorrow, love, anger... .I realize that I have enough of his verbal abuse and don't want to live like this anymore. Therefore, I finally decide to leave, regardless whether he comes back again to me this time.

However, the memory comes back into my mind again and again automatically, especially during the sleep. or every morning after I am awake.

It is much easier for pwBPD, they select their memories and paint ex black. For me, it is difficult. In the past, he always came to me, sent me SMS everyday and so on. He took almost all my time for him. Right now, he suddenly turns into another person and is gone, with no relationship, no friendship, nothing.

What can I do, if I want to forget the past quickly? I really don't want to think about the past anymore... .

Apple it's sad to say but there is no quick ways around the healing of this experience.

We need to not forget, so that we do not repeat the same experience.

The beginning of N/C for me brought me to my knees. I cried from the deep pain in my heart, the death of my fantasy man, who was very much alive. I cried from the pity I felt for myself for being alone when I so was torn with wanting the addictive fix from being with him.

Time really does make such a difference once you do the work to look at the real problems and step away from the disorder.

Today 6 months later, I am recharged, self aware, and feel ready, healthy and whole to actually be in a relationship again, but only a healthy one.

Personally I know for myself going no contact, completely, no face book or any social media, no texts, no phone calls, blocking every possible way for us to know anything about the other was my best and only way that I could have started this process.

I asked for help from the wonderful people here in my BPD family to help me have the strength and knowledge ( I'm tech challenged ) to daily take a step forward in my healing.

I threw away letters, cards, gifts and everything that reminded me of him! We did it together on a thread that I posted about 6 months ago. Everyday I did something together here to bring me further away from the fairytale/fantasy relationship that was all in my mind and would never return.

The BPD family board taught me how to delete every picture of us off of my phone, then out of my iPad.

Looking back at so much severe pain that I thought at times my heart may just stop or that I would literally dehydrate from all of the tears that I shed, I smile because I have learned so much from this experience.

If I could do it, so can you!

When you are ready, you might want to read as much as you can about all of the questions about BPD that might plague you through the forums or tools here and books that the library offers.

When you are done with the whys, what ifs, and accept that you are done asking questions about BPD something wonderful and just as painful might happen. You will start to ask the whys about yourself. Slowly time will become focused on you, healing you, looking at you, fixing you, finding you and becoming whole with you.

Today 6 months out, I am a much more solid mental Rifka. Believe it or not I could not have learned about myself without learning and experiencing my exBPDbf. I never knew I needed fixing until I was broken in pieces from this experience. By picking up and examining each piece I saw myself clearer and put my broken self back together.

Time, time and more time. Lots of work here, digging and digging until it clicked, which it did with a deafening sound.

I know when I first came here in such an emotional mess, confused and hearing the term BPD I had no belief that I would stand up again and feel fantastic, but I do,and you will too.

Feel your pain, cry your tears, you loved and are heartbroken. It's a very real pain. Take the time, however long to feel what you do. Read the stages to the right here on detachment and embrace each feeling and step. You might go backwards a few times and then forward again but it's all part of the process. Take the time and do the readings and work. One day at a time.

Remember to breathe, eat, drink a lot of water and care for yourself even if you don't want to. There is no need to punish ourselves for loving somebody.

Apple, there are no shortcuts, just time!

Try to enjoy your vacation to the states!

Rifka

[apple2]

Dear all,

my ex with BPD broke up with me suddenly for the 2. time. My Feeling is mixed: sorrow, love, anger... .I realize that I have enough of his verbal abuse and don't want to live like this anymore. Therefore, I finally decide to leave, regardless whether he comes back again to me this time.

However, the memory comes back into my mind again and again automatically, especially during the sleep. or every morning after I am awake.

It is much easier for pwBPD, they select their memories and paint ex black. For me, it is difficult. In the past, he always came to me, sent me SMS everyday and so on. He took almost all my time for him. Right now, he suddenly turns into another person and is gone, with no relationship, no friendship, nothing.

What can I do, if I want to forget the past quickly? I really don't want to think about the past anymore... .

Apple it's sad to say but there is no quick ways around the healing of this experience.

We need to not forget, so that we do not repeat the same experience.

The beginning of N/C for me brought me to my knees. I cried from the deep pain in my heart, the death of my fantasy man, who was very much alive. I cried from the pity I felt for myself for being alone when I so was torn with wanting the addictive fix from being with him.

Time really does make such a difference once you do the work to look at the real problems and step away from the disorder.

Today 6 months later, I am recharged, self aware, and feel ready, healthy and whole to actually be in a relationship again, but only a healthy one.

Personally I know for myself going no contact, completely, no face book or any social media, no texts, no phone calls, blocking every possible way for us to know anything about the other was my best and only way that I could have started this process.

I asked for help from the wonderful people here in my BPD family to help me have the strength and knowledge ( I'm tech challenged ) to daily take a step forward in my healing.

I threw away letters, cards, gifts and everything that reminded me of him! We did it together on a thread that I posted about 6 months ago. Everyday I did something together here to bring me further away from the fairytale/fantasy relationship that was all in my mind and would never return.

The BPD family board taught me how to delete every picture of us off of my phone, then out of my iPad.

Looking back at so much severe pain that I thought at times my heart may just stop or that I would literally dehydrate from all of the tears that I shed, I smile because I have learned so much from this experience.

If I could do it, so can you!

When you are ready, you might want to read as much as you can about all of the questions about BPD that might plague you through the forums or tools here and books that the library offers.

When you are done with the whys, what ifs, and accept that you are done asking questions about BPD something wonderful and just as painful might happen. You will start to ask the whys about yourself. Slowly time will become focused on you, healing you, looking at you, fixing you, finding you and becoming whole with you.

Today 6 months out, I am a much more solid mental Rifka. Believe it or not I could not have learned about myself without learning and experiencing my exBPDbf. I never knew I needed fixing until I was broken in pieces from this experience. By picking up and examining each piece I saw myself clearer and put my broken self back together.

Time, time and more time. Lots of work here, digging and digging until it clicked, which it did with a deafening sound.

I know when I first came here in such an emotional mess, confused and hearing the term BPD I had no belief that I would stand up again and feel fantastic, but I do,and you will too.

Feel your pain, cry your tears, you loved and are heartbroken. It's a very real pain. Take the time, however long to feel what you do. Read the stages to the right here on detachment and embrace each feeling and step. You might go backwards a few times and then forward again but it's all part of the process. Take the time and do the readings and work. One day at a time.

Remember to breathe, eat, drink a lot of water and care for yourself even if you don't want to. There is no need to punish ourselves for loving somebody.

Apple, there are no shortcuts, just time!

Try to enjoy your vacation to the states!

Rifka

Hey Rifka,

thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me and for encouraging me to go through this! I do appreciate it!

Reading your words, tears filled again in my eyes. I also wanted to find back the fantacy man I knew, but it is just not possible. In the end, I could not judge anymore which sentence from him is true and real. But when he talked about taking revenge to girls in general due to his childhood, he laughed. I was deeply surprised at that moment and did not know what I could say!

It doesn't matter whether he spoke out his real thinking or he just wanted to hurt me by this, it was not normal. I felt this man really needs to heal himself. Otherwise, the demon will take charge of his soul. I cried for the death of the nice man I knew.

You are right, time will help. Time will wash away everything without a trace. Sometimes, I am even afraid of forgetting him (I know I am self-controversial), with whom I spent lots of good time with, but I know that finally time will win.

The sunny side is just as you said, through the whole thing, I not only get some knowledge of BPD, but also know myself more, such as why I played the role as a caretaker.

Although the bad moments still come back from time to time, but I will remember your words, we can all go through it!

Best wishes Rifka!

[Rifka]

Dear all,

my ex with BPD broke up with me suddenly for the 2. time. My Feeling is mixed: sorrow, love, anger... .I realize that I have enough of his verbal abuse and don't want to live like this anymore. Therefore, I finally decide to leave, regardless whether he comes back again to me this time.

However, the memory comes back into my mind again and again automatically, especially during the sleep. or every morning after I am awake.

It is much easier for pwBPD, they select their memories and paint ex black. For me, it is difficult. In the past, he always came to me, sent me SMS everyday and so on. He took almost all my time for him. Right now, he suddenly turns into another person and is gone, with no relationship, no friendship, nothing.

What can I do, if I want to forget the past quickly? I really don't want to think about the past anymore... .

Apple it's sad to say but there is no quick ways around the healing of this experience.

We need to not forget, so that we do not repeat the same experience.

The beginning of N/C for me brought me to my knees. I cried from the deep pain in my heart, the death of my fantasy man, who was very much alive. I cried from the pity I felt for myself for being alone when I so was torn with wanting the addictive fix from being with him.

Time really does make such a difference once you do the work to look at the real problems and step away from the disorder.

Today 6 months later, I am recharged, self aware, and feel ready, healthy and whole to actually be in a relationship again, but only a healthy one.

Personally I know for myself going no contact, completely, no face book or any social media, no texts, no phone calls, blocking every possible way for us to know anything about the other was my best and only way that I could have started this process.

I asked for help from the wonderful people here in my BPD family to help me have the strength and knowledge ( I'm tech challenged ) to daily take a step forward in my healing.

I threw away letters, cards, gifts and everything that reminded me of him! We did it together on a thread that I posted about 6 months ago. Everyday I did something together here to bring me further away from the fairytale/fantasy relationship that was all in my mind and would never return.

The BPD family board taught me how to delete every picture of us off of my phone, then out of my iPad.

Looking back at so much severe pain that I thought at times my heart may just stop or that I would literally dehydrate from all of the tears that I shed, I smile because I have learned so much from this experience.

If I could do it, so can you!

When you are ready, you might want to read as much as you can about all of the questions about BPD that might plague you through the forums or tools here and books that the library offers.

When you are done with the whys, what ifs, and accept that you are done asking questions about BPD something wonderful and just as painful might happen. You will start to ask the whys about yourself. Slowly time will become focused on you, healing you, looking at you, fixing you, finding you and becoming whole with you.

Today 6 months out, I am a much more solid mental Rifka. Believe it or not I could not have learned about myself without learning and experiencing my exBPDbf. I never knew I needed fixing until I was broken in pieces from this experience. By picking up and examining each piece I saw myself clearer and put my broken self back together.

Time, time and more time. Lots of work here, digging and digging until it clicked, which it did with a deafening sound.

I know when I first came here in such an emotional mess, confused and hearing the term BPD I had no belief that I would stand up again and feel fantastic, but I do,and you will too.

Feel your pain, cry your tears, you loved and are heartbroken. It's a very real pain. Take the time, however long to feel what you do. Read the stages to the right here on detachment and embrace each feeling and step. You might go backwards a few times and then forward again but it's all part of the process. Take the time and do the readings and work. One day at a time.

Remember to breathe, eat, drink a lot of water and care for yourself even if you don't want to. There is no need to punish ourselves for loving somebody.

Apple, there are no shortcuts, just time!

Try to enjoy your vacation to the states!

Rifka

Hey Rifka,

thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me and for encouraging me to go through this! I do appreciate it!

Reading your words, tears filled again in my eyes. I also wanted to find back the fantacy man I knew, but it is just not possible. In the end, I could not judge anymore which sentence from him is true and real. But when he talked about taking revenge to girls in general due to his childhood, he laughed. I was deeply surprised at that moment and did not know what I could say!

It doesn't matter whether he spoke out his real thinking or he just wanted to hurt me by this, it was not normal. I felt this man really needs to heal himself. Otherwise, the demon will take charge of his soul. I cried for the death of the nice man I knew.

You are right, time will help. Time will wash away everything without a trace. Sometimes, I am even afraid of forgetting him (I know I am self-controversial), with whom I spent lots of good time with, but I know that finally time will win.

The sunny side is just as you said, through the whole thing, I not only get some knowledge of BPD, but also know myself more, such as why I played the role as a caretaker.

Although the bad moments still come back from time to time, but I will remember your words, we can all go through it!

Best wishes Rifka!

Apple,

You are very welcome. In the beginning of this healing, many of us tend to spend a lot of time taking about them and thinking about them.

Time should eventually, depending on how much work you want to put into this, make you start talking about you more and thinking about yourself more, which will be pretty awesome!

The people here are really amazing in helping to get you to various stages of healing. You will hear what you want, what you don't want and maybe get a nudge here and there to move to another phase, when you are ready, you will.

Hugs to you and your journey. It's really about us finding us and learning boundries to not let the wrong people in our lives to try to fix in them what is really wrong with us.

You will get there, it is a baby step process to get outside the place we allowed ourselves to be in by letting our boundries be stepped over and crossed.

It gets better! Really better!

Rifka

[ManyPieces]

I am going through this too. My ex left me for like the millionth time. I had to do NC even though it is so painful and I do miss him. I started on the next phase in y life which is focussing on me but this scared me, like I really am moving on. I find that in these kinda of relationships it is soo much harder to move on. I have been through my share of breakups but this one has been life changing. I understand your pain and while I can't offer much advice since I am hurting too and confused like you, least we know there are other people out there goinf through the same thing.

Let's be hopeful that cutting them off and moving on will lead us to where we need to be ❤️

[cloudten]

Rifka, thank you so much! You help me so much! I am in the same boat as apple today. I ended my r/s, for absolute forever with my BPD last night.

I agree with manypieces, this is so much harder to move on, it's been a completely humbling life-changing experience.

I hurt for all of us. i'm so sorry for everyone's pain. Feel free to private message me anytime. 

[apple2]

I am going through this too. My ex left me for like the millionth time. I had to do NC even though it is so painful and I do miss him. I started on the next phase in y life which is focussing on me but this scared me, like I really am moving on. I find that in these kinda of relationships it is soo much harder to move on. I have been through my share of breakups but this one has been life changing. I understand your pain and while I can't offer much advice since I am hurting too and confused like you, least we know there are other people out there goinf through the same thing.

Let's be hopeful that cutting them off and moving on will lead us to where we need to be ❤️

Let's support each other. Although the bad times come back again and again, I know I am already better than the 1. week:) HUG! Life will be better!

[apple2]

Rifka, thank you so much! You help me so much! I am in the same boat as apple today. I ended my r/s, for absolute forever with my BPD last night.

I agree with manypieces, this is so much harder to move on, it's been a completely humbling life-changing experience.

I hurt for all of us. i'm so sorry for everyone's pain. Feel free to private message me anytime. 

This is hard to move on, but at least we are moving toward the right direction where has light at the end. We will be there!

[cloudten]

We can do it!

[OnceConfused]

Apple2:

We all have to go through the grieving process, the quicker you get to the acceptance phase the sooner you will grow.

How do we get to the acceptance phase QUICKLY? There are many ways:

1. Keep the mind occupied with new activities - new dates, new friends, new learning opportunities (learn new dances, new things ), or simply working out more often.

2. Write a letter to the departed BPD , in chronological order listing the moments that you felt abused, or cheated. Then when your mind begins to drift back into the past, read the letter again to affirm why you left or should leave. I did just that and it helped bring clarity to the longing mind. Interestingly, our mind quickly forgot the bad times and only remembers the good time and that is why it is so hard to detach.  With the bad times written down, I can see clearly why I left and what would happen had I stayed (disaster for me, losing my children, losing my assets and losing my friends and support system).

3. Say a silent prayer thanking BPD for coming into your life, because everyone enters our life, is bring a lesson for us to learn. I thank the xBPDgf because she made me realize that to have a happy life, I have and must learn to detach from the negative influences. Her abuses made me a stronger person today, for I learned to get up and get out. I now have the capacity of loving more and yet can be detached more as well. I am now battle certified.

Good luck


I now understand that "we are abused not because there are abusers out there but BECAUSE WE LET THEM ABUSE US."

[ogopogodude]

I remember hearing (or reading) somewhere ... ."what is the best way to get OVER someone?"

And I remember the response:

"Get under someone (new)"

I had to laugh

[drummerboy]

The person he was in the beginning was a myth, created by him and you, myths aren't real, they are illusions, that person actually never existed.

There is no shortcut to getting over the pain, feel it, don't add more inner turmoil by trying to push it away, feel it, cry, get angry, have pretend talks with him, tell him everything you wished you'd said to him on the last day, how he wouldn't know what love is if it hit him in the face. And understand that he never loved you, I know that might be hard to hear but it's the truth. Remember how totally self absorbed he was and realise that there are loads of perfectly good, mentally healthy guys out there that would love to SHARE your love and not just be a sponge to soak up your love.

It's tough, we've all been through it, but we come out of this much stronger people, they get to stay in their living hell.

You want to talk to the person he once acted to be. You want to talk to the illusion that you created in your own head. You want the illusion back of a happy life together, for the rest of your life.

I understand. I want the same thing. I want that future back. But it isn´t possible, not with our exes.