Starting to get worse - is it a sign of things to come?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So far my uBPDh has been non physical and no signs of being unfaithful. Over the past 2 years he has started "accidentally" shoving me as he walks past when dysregulating and lately this has turned to punching walls and the car and trying to trip me. He has slapped my hands a couple of times and last night "head butted" my nose - not too hard but enough to hurt. Add this to I have just found pron (from a man who pleads he doesn't need to look at anything but me) and lurid messages to an ex lover on his phone I am beginning to think he is starting down the path of no return. Can anyone shed any light on their experiences? I am leaving for the weekend to try to get my head straight.

[believer55]

So far my uBPDh has been non physical and no signs of being unfaithful. Over the past 2 years he has started "accidentally" shoving me as he walks past when dysregulating and lately this has turned to punching walls and the car and trying to trip me. He has slapped my hands a couple of times and last night "head butted" my nose - not too hard but enough to hurt. Add this to I have just found pron (from a man who pleads he doesn't need to look at anything but me) and lurid messages to an ex lover on his phone I am beginning to think he is starting down the path of no return. Can anyone shed any light on their experiences? I am leaving for the weekend to try to get my head straight.

[Turkish]

believer55,

It sounds like your husband is escalating things. He's crossing lines, but from your descriptions, it sounds like he's losing control on holding himself back. If he's gone so far as to slap and head but you, then that concerns me. BPD or no, the fact that he is doing this is a deliberate choice:

This was published on one public service site:

MYTH: Domestic violence is a "loss of control."

FACT: Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control.  Their actions are very deliberate.

     

MYTH: The victim is responsible for the violence because she provokes it.

FACT: No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do.

     

MYTH: If the victim didn't like it, she would leave.

FACT: Victims do not like the abuse. They stay in the relationship for many reasons, including fear. Most do eventually leave.

     

MYTH: Batterers are violent in all their relationships

FACT: Batterers choose to be violent toward their partners in ways they would never consider treating other people.

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women

It's good that you are getting away for the weekend, but how do you think he may react when you return? Do you have a safe place to go if things escalate even more? Trusted people to talk to? Please take care of yourself and let me know.

Turkish

[Tim300]

So far my uBPDh has been non physical and no signs of being unfaithful. Over the past 2 years he has started "accidentally" shoving me as he walks past when dysregulating and lately this has turned to punching walls and the car and trying to trip me. He has slapped my hands a couple of times and last night "head butted" my nose - not too hard but enough to hurt. Add this to I have just found pron (from a man who pleads he doesn't need to look at anything but me) and lurid messages to an ex lover on his phone I am beginning to think he is starting down the path of no return. Can anyone shed any light on their experiences? I am leaving for the weekend to try to get my head straight.

When mine started going down this path I wish I had left for a weekend.  I think she would have missed me and calmed down.  Seems like you're making the right move.