BPD's purposefully make those around them feel awkward/uncomfortable.

[ogopogodude]

The VERY minute that my ex (who is BPD) tries that bullcrapp of trying to make me feel uncomfortable, ... I IMMEDIATELY shut her down completely.

I like to think of this as negative reinforcement.  It seems to work. She may get upset but she knows that she cannot get away with what worked in the past (when I allowed her to abuse me)...

Now when I say "shut her down" ... I mean to hang up on her if it's a phone call, or a texting session, close the door etc, ... .or what not. 

IT sure feels good to shut the BPD down immediately.  Is there a psychiatric term for this?

[raisins3142]

I'm not sure if it is purposeful, but people that are around them for any length of time usually think something is off.

The first time my uBPDexgf hung out with my sister-in-law:

1. my ex did not speak much because she was not drinking and she does not get along well with other women

2. my sister-in-law, trying to break through the shell, started making mild physical contact (hand on arm) while talking to my ex, my ex grabbed her hand and threw it at her and said "keep your hands to yourself"

It was so awkward.  A million better ways to handle that.

Her scowl alone put people off.  No one enjoys a person whose face of repose is "scowl so deep that it has prematurely aged you."

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi Raisins,  My uBPDh does this often.  So often that I rarely ask people to our home.  If he doesn't want to visit, he will stare at the tv or his phone even while people are trying to talk to him.  Sometimes he will retreat to the bedroom which is not ideal, but more comfortable for guests.  Not comfortable for me.  He used to do this frequently and people would ask if he was sick.  I would be embarrassed, although now I realize it is his problem and not mine.

Lately,Ii have been feeling resentful because although I enjoy having friends over, I rarely do because of his behavior.

I have been working hard on living my own life and becoming unemeshed.  Recently, I had a friend over to dinner and he didn't like it, but I enjoyed myself and didn't let it get to me.

[Whitebread]

I  don't know if it was intentional necessarily, but my uBPDexbf had a certain... .vibe I guess that people noticed.  If we were at a pub or music venue, inevitably some guy at the bar would just stare at him, openly hostile,even if we were oblivious and engaged in a conversation.  He mentioned this happened to him all the time, and throughout our 10 yrs. I would have to say that was true.  Depending on his mood he would either ignore it, stare back or walk up and confront the guy.  It was very... odd.  He did have a bit of a swagger, was good looking and well built but it was strange how some zeroed in on him.

We also knew a farmer who had cows, and it was kind of fun to go hang out and talk during milking time.  I loved the barn and the babies.  He was asked not to come by, his presence bothered the 'girls' and it did... .they would go from calm and relaxed to antsy and agitated... .the farmer swore they gave less milk if my ex was present.  Even if he was silent the whole time.

I felt kind of bad for him, he genuinely liked animals... but some were just repelled by him.  I should have trusted their behavior.

[Blimblam]

It sounds like your starting to put down boundaries ogopo and are getting a kind of kick out of the power is in my hands now after being invalidated by her for so long. 

As far as my ex making people feel uncomfortable? Well, only th person she had painted black.  My ex was a master of validating someone and making them feel like the best thing that ever happened. She was thought of as the sweetest kindest genuine and authentic girl ever and her genuine willingness to please was authentic. She was trying to be that perfect child to not be abandoned and be loved.

[ogopogodude]

It sounds like your starting to put down boundaries ogopo and are getting a kind of kick out of the power is in my hands now after being invalidated by her for so long. 

As far as my ex making people feel uncomfortable? Well, only th person she had painted black.  My ex was a master of validating someone and making them feel like the best thing that ever happened. She was thought of as the sweetest kindest genuine and authentic girl ever and her genuine willingness to please was authentic. She was trying to be that perfect child to not be abandoned and be loved.

I think that your comments are bang on. Well ... .kinda anyway.  Perhaps phrasing it as "getting a kind of a kick out ... " is not the phrase/terminology I would like to use, but finally seeing results (much better behaviour coming from ex). The boundary-setting is certainly something that I thought that I would never be able to accomplish.  Boundaries are wonderful. I am healing now, as are our kids.  Thanks partly to this website and its members.

Whatever the case,  I do feel empowered now. But I have to be careful about my feelings of being in control and so on.  All I want to do is have my kids grow up as normal as they can and my ex to get better.  But it does feel good to know that I will no longer allow abuse to be thrown at me nor kids, nor the energy to be sucked from me.  I have to always come across to my loved-one-ex that I still do care for her (because I actually still do, and she is the mother of our children) and all I want is for her to be happy (because I do).

I have to  keep reminding myself that she did not ask for this affliction.