VDay coming up and Anniversary at end of the month

[Mutt]

You don't seem insane. You may have some psych problems like many of us do (you've said you have ocd). People like your wife will undermine your sense of reality until you doubt yourself. Gaslighting, crazy-making, whatever you want to call it.

Regarding your mom, " I do not think my mother is the monster my wife says she is."  So, there you have it. You shouldn't have to disown one or the other.  You have only a few people left in your life - your wife seems to want you to lose one of the few remaining people you have, so that you have no support and you will be under her control completely. Losing your job would also render you without financial help or a place to go during the day.  Then you'd need your wife even more. Your mom and job are among the few sources of support you have left, even if tenuous.  :)on't let her take them away.

Hi hurthusband,

Listen to your intuition, is there a sense of jealousy from your wife with your mom maybe? Your family has known you for your whole life, decades long relationships.

My ex couldn't stand the relationship I had with my sister and split my sister black when my sister said something invalidating and she likely felt like she was rejected. My ex tried to make me feel guilt for several years, that I wasn't defending my wife and she went as so far as saying that I wanted to sleep with her because I loved her more than my wife.

I'm closer to my sister than other family members.

I think momtara makes a good point, she's trying to undermine your sense of reality. I thought I was going crazy or there was something wrong with me after several years of her dissociations and projections.

[Zon]

My ex couldn't stand the relationship I had with my sister and split my sister black when my sister said something invalidating and she likely felt like she was rejected. My ex tried to make me feel guilt for several years, that I wasn't defending my wife and she went as so far as saying that I wanted to sleep with her because I loved her more than my wife.

My wife has said very similar about my mom and I as your ex did about your sister.  She did not go that far directly about sleeping together, however, she did insinuate that our relationship our the relationship my mom wanted was inappropriate.  I think she was implying incestuous.

My mom is quite odd, but that is because she is a therapist. 

[hurthusband]

well... now my wife is angry because I did not take today off for anniversary on Thursday and made plans.  She never even remembers our anniversary date.  She is angry and being nasty to me.  I told her that she knows we literally have to come up with 2500 to cover bills within next week and I do not have anything.  She supposedly has money coming this week for parents death, but who knows and who knows if she will help with bills with it.  I cannot count on her.  Then she wants to have this work done on dog this wee which is like $500. 

I was off 3 work days in past 10 days because grandfathers death and for saying its hurtful and unfair and I have to be angry at my grandfathers death rather than grieve because she is so angry at fallout... she says its so hurtful what I have said and maybe she should not be married to me.

I am going after this to do work for her sister for free I would normally charge $1000 AT LEAST.  She angry I cannot leave my job now and do it sooner.  I feel like vomitting

[momtara]

I'm sorry you feel so sick over this. It is hard when you do everything you can and think it may help, and it still isn't appreciated.  I hope you can continue with the boundaries that people suggested here, and get outside help again if need be. I know you love the good side of her. That other side is very hard to live with and just because it's mental illness, doesn't mean it's fair or right for you to be abused. You don't deserve it.  Every time she says you two shouldn't be married, it's emotional blackmail.  You could ask her to pay for the dog.