In need of support :(

[Fraggle12]

Hi

I found this site when, in desperation, I Googled... It's like living with a ticking time bomb HELP ME!

My husband has not been diagnosed, but I have now read enough to know he has BPD. I feel so desperate sometimes I just don't know what to do or where to turn. There have been so many 'episodes' recently, I just want to run away!

How do others 'turn the other cheek' ? Find the strength to keep going?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tim300]

Hi

I found this site when, in desperation, I Googled... It's like living with a ticking time bomb HELP ME!

My husband has not been diagnosed, but I have now read enough to know he has BPD. I feel so desperate sometimes I just don't know what to do or where to turn. There have been so many 'episodes' recently, I just want to run away!

How do others 'turn the other cheek' ? Find the strength to keep going?

Welcome.  I am sorry that you're going through this.  How long have you been with him?  When did the BPD traits begin to surface?  What are the most challenging aspects of it for you?

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Fraggle12, 

Welcome aboard. You have come to the right place for help and support. Our community is full of members who are going through similar situations. 

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time.  It is very frustrating to feel desperate and helpless while coping with confusing and erratic behavior.     I can understand how you want to feel like running away.

There are ways to improve your relationship with a person with BPD (pwBPD). There are many lessons on this site that teach the non-BPD partner to interact, communicate, and cope with the behavior of a pwBPD more efficiently.  The motto on the Staying board is "Before you make anything better, you must stop making it worse." 

The first step in the process is to make sure we are taking care of ourselves first.  A great way to do that is to have a support system outside of our pwBPD. My support system includes family members, friends, and my psychologist.  Do you have an outside support system?  Having that building block really helps me through really stressful times. 

What type of "episodes" are you having the most difficulty with?

[ColdEthyl]

Hello and welcome, fraggle! Please tell us more We all understand here!

[Sheed]

Hi Fraggle12!

Welcome the the site. I know what you are going through. Although my r/s ended I still respect and like to help people who want to stay in the r/s. Eaglesjuju is right. Before you make anything better, you must stop making it worse. Also, have a clear path as to what you really want in the relationship. Not too long ago when i was on the Staying/Improving page, I told myself that my aim was to get my pwBPD into therapy. Remember you cannot fix this by yourself. This is where i failed because i thought that i could fix our r/s by showing her more love but realized too late that it was counterproductive. Read up on the lessons and tools that are available here. Good luck and i hope you share more of what is going on so we can help further.

Sheed

[Tim300]

This is where i failed because i thought that i could fix our r/s by showing her more love but realized too late that it was counterproductive.

Yes.  Same experience here.  Showing more love can be counterproductive. 

[Fraggle12]

Thank you for all the kind responses last night. I don't feel quite so alone in my situation now. There is so much to read on here! Thank you.