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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Anyone else tried to calm their loved one down by whispering?  (Read 442 times)
ogopogodude
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: February 10, 2015, 05:44:33 PM »

When my ex used to try to escalate the situation to a level that her psyche desired (i.e... argument'ish type of communication, or all the way to a full blown temper rage) there were times that I asked her to "whisper" & I would try to get her to emulate me in this fashion.

Suffice it to say that, well,... .this technique didn't work. Not one bit. As a matter of fact, it could result in the opposite effect.  

(I may have posted this topic a long time ago, I can't remember)
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cloudten
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2015, 05:50:14 PM »

Sometimes. But it wasn't always effective. Like with a child, if you whisper it makes them be quiet so they can hear you. Sometimes this worked with my bf. I practiced quiet anger sometimes... .talking quietly made him a little more aware of just how mad I was. yelling louder isn't always yelling better. Anyway... .it still only worked sometimes with my BPD... .but fantastic with my 5 year old.
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Targeted
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« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2015, 06:16:38 PM »

During a argument I would start whispering myself to quiet the situation down, I would do that with loving words and it worked to quell the situation, but when we got back to the original discussion at hand which you always have to do that escalated the tone it was back to the tone we left off at and escalated from there again!  it was like she was a addict chasing not to meet but beat her original high! 
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