Help for the NON: Go get it.

[Cole]

Have not been on here the last week or two. Autistic spectrum s11 has had a really bad stretch with severe headaches and nausea. Two trips to the pediatrician, one to his P, one to his T and two more to the ER and they could not figure it out. Today a CAT scan proved it to be a very severe- but easily treatable- deep sinus infection. Thank God for that.

So, the weight of the world has been on my shoulders lately. I am the primary care taker of a BPD/bipolar wife and an autistic spectrum boy who also has major ODD and ADHD components. All while taking care of an elderly mother, two houses, and a lot of property. And don't forget the high stress job. Then last Wednesday night I came home to find my sweet 15 year old cat in major distress. A trip to the emergency vet was not enough, she died of a heart attack. Three beloved pets lost in the last 7 months was the icing on the cake. I just shut down. 

My wife has been doing much better lately thanks to a renewed calling to our faith, a great new T, and a script for Wellbutrin. In a clear state, she begged me to consider calling my doctor about depression. I looked up male depression and realized I had everything except the thoughts of suicide but still thought I could tough it out. I am a former cop and rugged outdoors man; admitting I need help is not in my nature.

Friday morning W called my doctor, scheduled an appointment for me, and- crying- begged me to go. So, I did. Day 6 of an antidepressant script of my own and I feel better than I have in a long time.   

The moral of the story, fellow NON's, is take care of yourselves. Being the primary caretaker of a SO with BPD is taxing, not to mention the other things life throws at us. Maybe you need a T. Or some time to yourself. Or, as in my case, an antidepressant.

Don't be too proud. Don't think it makes you weak. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of the one you love with BPD.   



 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Crumbling]

Sorry about your cat, Cole.  That's heavy loosing so many pets in such a short time. 

Good to hear things went well with the doc tho, and with your little one. 

The meds will take you through some peaks and valleys, I know mine did, but I'm glad I've got them.  They do help, and the faith is a great thing to have back in your lives.  Good work coming through it all and thanks for sharing.

c.

[waverider]

 

Too true we are not indestructible super heros

[EaglesJuju]

I am sorry for the loss of your pets.   

Juggling many stressors are hard. Your situation is a shining example of the strength of us non-BPD partners have.    When I get frustrated or upset, I think of the obstacles we face on a daily basis and what that says about us. 

The moral of the story, fellow NON's, is take care of yourselves. Being the primary caretaker of a SO with BPD is taxing, not to mention the other things life throws at us. Maybe you need a T. Or some time to yourself. Or, as in my case, an antidepressant.

Don't be too proud. Don't think it makes you weak. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of the one you love with BPD.   

This is a message that most of us tend to forget often. 

[ColdEthyl]

You have a lot on your plate, and I am so sorry about the loss of your pets. I know my doggies are my furry children, and I will be heartbroken when they leave me  /hugs

You are right. I have been thinking about how overwhelmed I feel sometimes, and how my anxiety issues have resurfaced with a vengeance this past year. This post has me considering going back into T.

[Cat Familiar]

So sorry about the loss of your cat, Cole. I recently lost two elderly cats and I know how much they mean to you when they've been with you for so many years.

I'm glad your son's sinus infection will be OK. It's always something, isn't it... .

Going to therapy every two weeks has been a blessing for me as has this group. I certainly don't want to overshare with friends and having both of these outlets allows me to speak my mind and be able to be with both my friends and my BPDh without needing to vent, as I previously did.

I encourage all nons to find a good therapist if they can and/or to post here as much as possible.

[braveSun]

I encourage all nons to find a good therapist if they can and/or to post here as much as possible.

I second Cat Familiar with therapy and posting. Same with me. It's an understatement. Someone who *sees you* and who is skilled to guide the flow of emotions is awesome...

[Cole]

The meds will take you through some peaks and valleys, I know mine did, but I'm glad I've got them.  They do help, and the faith is a great thing to have back in your lives.  Good work coming through it all and thanks for sharing.

This post has me considering going back into T.

Going to therapy every two weeks has been a blessing for me as has this group.

I second Cat Familiar with therapy and posting. Same with me. It's an understatement. Someone who *sees you* and who is skilled to guide the flow of emotions is awesome...

Good to know I am not alone.

Was worried the meds could affect my senses, make me tied, or turn me into a zombie. None of that so far. They have done a good job at making me feel like I did years ago before W's BPD and bipolar really kicked in. Does not feel so hopeless now.

[Cat Familiar]

I'm glad the meds and therapy are having such a good outcome for you, Cole.  Maybe there's something that could take the edge off my nearly constant feeling of being overwhelmed. 

[Cole]

I'm glad the meds and therapy are having such a good outcome for you, Cole.  Maybe there's something that could take the edge off my nearly constant feeling of being overwhelmed. 

Then go see your doctor and tell him what is going on. Call Monday.   

I have been short tempered and angry for a while but did not know why until I looked up male depression. Yep, that is

how depression manifest itself in guys. Great article on the depression differences between men and women at www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-men.htm 

When I told my GP why I was there, he said he could see what the stress has done to me physically over the last few years. He told me he has many patients with depression related to taking care of a SO with either physical or psychological issues. It is as wearing on us as it is on the p/wBPD- maybe more so since we have to be the responsible ones.   

My med is Wellbutrin and yes, it takes the edge off constantly feeling overwhelmed and just plain hopelessly sad.

Not in therapy, but this site helps a lot. I cannot tell even my best friend what I am dealing with; I am too private a person and maybe a little too proud. I cannot share it with my wife, she is the cause. But the anonymity of bpdfamily allows me to open up and communicate with other people in the same situation.       

[Cat Familiar]

I just started doing my high intensity interval training again after a mild knee injury and now I'm in a much better mood--more energy and way more upbeat attitude. The nice thing is that it only takes about 20 minutes and it causes the body to produce HGH (human growth hormone) and I only need to do it three times a week.