It got worse over time. I had hoped it would grow but little by little he picked away at what we had and I know longer know him. 4 months out and N/C. I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing but I know he has moved on and the loneliness is all around me now... .
my dear sweet daughter, 5, told me back in the fall that my BPDx and I were bucket dippers. I said "what?"
"Mom, you are both bucket dipping! you need to stop."
Wisdom from a 5 year old. At first I had no idea what she was talking about, but I asked her more questions. Her kindergarten class was learning about bullying. Bucket dipping is when someone puts another person down. Bucket filling is when someone brings another person up.
Bucket filling is what we do here!
But bucket dipping. My BPDx just bucket dipped and dipped and dipped, until there was nothing left. There is nothing left. He never did anything to help refill it- bucket fill. He just took and took and took. And now that I use this analogy, I seem to think there must be a hole in the bottom of his bucket because even with all that bucket dipping he did from me (and other girls at the same time) he surely should have filled his bucket 10 fold. But no, he remains as empty as I am now.
downwhim- I am sorry for your loneliness! Someone once told me that we are only as lonely as we want to be. I believe that to an extent. I have made much more of an effort to be social, to be the one that reaches out to family and friends, and to keep a full social schedule. It has not come easily as I was not very social most of my life. But it has really helped to cultivate my friendships and has helped me feel not so lonely. I hope you feel better!
