Self Harming and the pwBPD

[friskey]

Hello I been spending quite a lot of time reading posts and information on coping skills ect. Over the last few days.

Something I have found intresting and this is with my SO with BPD traits which for a long time I never thought  he self harmed. 

It was a few weeks ago that he was raging at me because of a text I sent.  It was the first time I had seen him this angry.  :'( He was angry because he thought I accused him of not ring when I had about 5 missed calls and texts from him. He told me that I don't know him. In which I agreed that the reason for this is because he has so many personalities.

He did not carm down and told me to sleep facing the wall. I point blank refused and did not respond to him. However later that night he was biting the skin between his toes. It was the weirdest thing I ever seen. He bit himself until he drew blood. I really founds this distressing. I also felt so helpless.

By morning he was only just a fraction calmer but he was not talking to me and said that he like being alone where he can rage at himself.

Sincew then I not really spent much time with him and am distancing because I feel he so cut up about things that he needs space to work things out in his head.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Self harming can take many forms, often just frustration. Sometimes trying to convert intangible mental anguish into a physical form they can focus on. Sometimes it is self punishment out of a sense of not feeling worthy.

Take a look at this topic

BPD BEHAVIORS: Self injury and self harm

[BestVersionOfMe]

That must have been hard to see.  I'm sorry that you had to see BPD in all it's negative glory.  In retrospect you probably shouldn't said the thing about him having so many personalities.  That probably was a big trigger and certainly didn't help you in the least bit.  Hang in there, we are all here for you.

bvom

[friskey]

Yesterday was the first time I have seen my SO in so many days.  We had a very nice dinner and things and we were able to talk about a few things.  

He again was switching from Mr. Hyde to Dr Jekyll, in the space of a few hours.  I started to use some of my validation techniques while talking on the phone and when I saw him which has been helpful. But it is in no way easy.

It  is still quite difficult not to get angry when he blames me of things I may or may not have done.  He can be quite demanding and at times I have my own needs to take care of and I will tell him this.  Which he may understand but can switch to devaluation in a space of a hour. :'(.

I have to kepted my cool as he going thought some things with his immediate neighbors.  This is a tricky situation as they seem to be trying to wind him up and cause trouble.  I try to look at it from his point of view without being judgmental but he kind of put his own self in this by shouting some very negative things one afternoon within ear shot of both of his neighbors.  I am learning that I cannot rescue him but only be there if he needs me.

Other things in his life are also kicking off.  Again I had to stand back his reply to this is that he always sorted thing out himself without anyone’s help.  I know he is trying but so many things seem to be against him at the moment and he seems to self sabotage as well by the things he says to other people and they way he has treated his close friends.  He would say things like ‘So it is all my fault then.’ I am not always sure how to answer this so I say not in every case.

'In retrospect you probably shouldn't said the thing about him having so many personalities.'  This is the problem that many things I say have triggers and something what triggered him one day may not do so the next.  It is  a constant walking on egg shells.  Most of the time I just have to be myself and I tell him this.  But I am doing as much as I can to educated myself and the road I am travelling is not easy and I feel alone and isolated because most people I know, he has either upself them or they don't want anything to do with him.  I have to be careful not to feel trapped or have no one who is will to listen to me.  

So this website is like a life line for me as I can read of other peoples stories and how they are coping.  Secondly I can look up stratagies and see which one works for my situations. at the end of this long dark tunnel.

[friskey]

  Also I  have been looking at some  websites and the BPD Family stuff that you have sent me on self harming.  This is really interesting.  There is so much stuff out there on self help groups to talking therapy and stuff.  My SO is very careful with any infections and uses a special healing cream which clears up any markings and his pulled skin really quickly.  In fact he gave me some of this cream when I first meet him.  I never thought anything of it but just a bad habit.

It has not been since I have been researching and looking at previous post that he has been doing this all along without me even noticing that that is what he been doing.  My SO is very high functioning in which he has built up strategies over the years in which no one else unless close to him would even think this was self harming.  He has covered it up very well. I also noticed that in his job he does not really look after himself but has burns and cuts from working in kitchens.  I look up some of the things on his particular type of harming but not related it to self harming.