Facing Assault Charge, Due In Court Next Month

[Suffered]

A better way to get things done (in my humble opinion) and which worked very well for me (but may not work for you or others, ... is to go to The Ministry of Children and Family Development and "open a file".  I did this.  In Canada, the Ministry will not do anything at all, unless you really egg them on. It is not that they are lazy, (well, that's part of it), but it is that if the children are physically safe then they do not intervene.  Emotional abuse is harder to prove and for SS to act upon.

It took me about seven visits to Social Services until they realized that mom was the abuser of the kids.  Yelling and screaming and telling the kids they are losers etc, is emotional abuse.  Social services agents do not tolerate this... .But I had to prove the abuse was occurring.  I had to give the social worker (who was well versed in BPD afflicted persons and their behaviour) the "A-ok" to interview my children and for them to tell the truth to this social worker.  And tell the truth they did.  There was no coercion of me telling the kids what to say. All I instructed them was for them to tell the truth, and that mom will not get into trouble, but that they will tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable to raising children. This is the only thing I said to my kids.

I asked my lawyer to write the social services agent a letter indicating that we need an official report from The Ministry from the interactions that I had as well as the agent had with my kids.  This letter was used in court and my ex looked like the very devil himself.  The social worker wrote up this wonderful report of what I call "the actual truth" ... .not the "tainted BPD nutball truth" version that my wife gave. The report talked quite extensively about the agent interviewing  me (and that it was voluntary on my behalf) , me and my wife together (with my wife being very aggressive in the interview), each child separately.  (Even though my wife refused to have the kids interviewed, her wishes didn't matter, as one parent gave permission for the agent to talk to the kids).

There is nothing like having social services on the side of the truth. It is certainly in the best interest of the children.  Any child needs to grow and thrive in a peaceful environment. AT ALL TIMES.

Thanks very much for sharing. I have hired a lawyer recently. I haven't come to here for a while. My lawyer he suggest if I want to maintain this marrige then may not call CAS. He said CAS will monitor kids for very long period of time. But your information is very helpful. I will consider this option.

[Suffered]

I am really appreciate all the help and support from you all. I hired a lawyer recently. And he got disclosure last Friday. He said the bad news is I am too honest to tell the truth that I pushed her. But good news is that I will not likely to get criminal recorded. He suggest the worst case will be conditional discharge. And good option will be peace bond. I don't know the difference between us and Canadian criminal law, is conditional discharge or peace bond consider as plea guilty agreement?

I also concern about even with peace bond it will still show up at criminal record check and may affect us travel.  My job does need me travel to us from time to time.

[Matt]

Before you agree to anything, ask your lawyer to explain exactly what it means, and what are the options.

In the US, lawyers often recommend a "plea agreement", which means you admit to a smaller crime.  That usually means no jail, but it does show up on your record.  If it's the same where you live, it might be better to say no, and demand a trial.

In a trial, you should be considered innocent until you are proved guilty.  Think about whether the government can prove that you committed a crime.  If they can't prove that you committed a crime, demanding a trial may be better than admitting to a smaller crime.

[ForeverDad]

I think Bill Eddy explained it this way:  A plea deal or equivalent is where you admit to some level of guilt and you are stuck with that either permanently or until expungement, if your state allows expungements.  If you don't make a plea deal admitting some level of guilt, a court trial might find you guilty of something but you can still claim innocence and even appeal if the judgment is too extreme.

Alternate ideas... .Was she in any way blocking you or cornering you?  If the 'pushing' was just so you could get away from her or her away from you, then you can honestly maintain you were not being aggressive, just escaping or keeping her at a distance?  Maybe you can plead guilty to escaping?   At the least you could state you didn't expect her to fall, that you suspect she may have purposely let herself fall to play victim.

Also, you have an adult daughter who might be able to testify that you are historically NOT the aggressor.  Would your daughter stand up for you and the truth?

Also, if you don't have any history as an aggressor with the police prior to this incident, then you can assure the court that whatever happened will not happen again, that you have since then separated and are contemplating divorce as a solution.  They are more likely not to seek the full consequences of the law with first-time visitors to court and if they believe it won't happen again.

[Suffered]

My lawyer get back to me today, said he get offer from crown of absolute discharge, but the lawyer still ask for peace bond. He explains there are pro and con in both way but he think for my case peace bond is better, here is the reason. Absolute discharge, means the accused plea guilty, but is discharged without any condition. Peace bond, means the accused not plea guilty, but there will be a condition agreement the accused need to sign basically say the accused will stay behaved, in most case it will also come with no contact restriction. In my case, my wife will most likely won't ask for no contact restriction, and I am not plea guilty. But to get peace bond, the crown still need to get agree from my wife. So I am still waiting.

[Matt]

It could be a good thing if there is an agreement by both parties to have no contact for some period of time, like one year.

That way there will be time for everyone to cool down.

And if either party violates that, then everyone will see who is the problem.