A week after B/U. Need Advice.

[nutzalmond]

Hi All,

First of all, I really want to thank the community for sharing their valuable experiences. Not to mention that the information available in this portal was very useful in helping me navigate my relationship with my ex gf.

My ex gf is undiagnosed. But after going through almost all the articles, I am convinced that she is a BPD. 

Here is the current situation that I found myself in.

I broke up with her on 7 Feb after 8mths of intense dating. That was not the first time but certainly the last time, at least to me. The trigger for this ultimatum was due to suicide threats which she made when I decided to break up with her on 5 Feb. I had to bring her family, her best friend as well as a social worker into the picture because the threats were so real, but at the end it was all bluffs. I asked for NC but she broke it within a week.

I only replied to msg that got to do with her picking up her stuffs from my place and ignored the rest. She called me unexpectedly using an unknown number today asking me out for dinner so that she can have a proper closure. In my opinion, everything was properly closed on the 7 Feb so I said no.

She then texted me and said that it will help her with her therapy and it will only take 1 hour.  I texted her cousin about her seeing a counsellor and it checks out.

I don’t know if I should meet up with her. I was thinking to meet only her counsellor but not her. I have also gone through quite a number of articles and learnt that DBT helps. Should I encourage her to attend the therapy? I do have feelings for her, but I also understand that the chances of us having a healthy relationship are very low.

What should I do?

Thanks a lot in advance.

[Matt8888]

If you are determined not to recycle, I wouldn't do it.  When she ultimately paints you black shoveling give you closer.

Leave this thing while you still have the upper hand.  Don't do what  I did.  She will weasel her way back in and then dump you on your head.  Then you are looking at a much more difficult recovery.

[Clearmind]

nutzalmond, ask yourself who you are doing it for? The answer is in your post.

My friend, I also met with my ex for one more chat! It turned into a very invalidating conversation with him mostly blaming me for the demise of the relationship and for all the things I did wrong. A Borderline likes to have the last word.

Secondly, you really dont need to play any part in her therapy - the therapy has nothing to do with you. You have your own healing path from here on in and you don't need to rescue her, be her sounding board - she needs to do this for herself.

All the best

[nutzalmond]

Thanks for the advice earlier. I ignored her.

I woke up this morning and i found more texts from her, asking me to reply and "dont burn bridges, you might need help one day"

Shall i continue to ignore her?

[fred6]

Thanks for the advice earlier. I ignored her.

I woke up this morning and i found more texts from her, asking me to reply and "dont burn bridges, you might need help one day"

Shall i continue to ignore her?

I wouldn't necessarily say that you have to ignore her. Tell her that the relationship is over and that you don't want any further contact. Set up a boundary and follow it. There is no need to be ugly about things or make her feel bad. Just let her know that you need to do what's best for you and that she needs to do what's best for her, but separately. Then go NC. Basically text or call and tell her what you're doing and why you're doing it, then do it. That's her closure.

[Clearmind]

Thanks for the advice earlier. I ignored her.

I woke up this morning and i found more texts from her, asking me to reply and "dont burn bridges, you might need help one day"

Shall i continue to ignore her?

Translation - what's she really trying to say: "don't burn bridges because I might need you one day"