How do i start the "we need to talk" discussion with him ?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I´m highly suggested to do the ``goodbye`` mode and than after go ``no contact`` , but thats difficult to me ... .I really want him to understand why i am leaving , is that even possible ?

if yes , can u please share how did u start the conversation ? and how did it go ?

[ImGoingCrazy]

I´m highly suggested to do the ``goodbye`` mode and than after go ``no contact`` , but thats difficult to me ... .I really want him to understand why i am leaving , is that even possible ?

if yes , can u please share how did u start the conversation ? and how did it go ?

[thatwasthat]

That's difficult!

But what I often do if I have a difficult conversation ahead... .I write down what I want to say. Even if I don't use the actual notes, it is really helpful to write things down.

It always helps me with organizing  my thoughts.

[Recooperating]

Hi Imgoingcrazy,

This is indeed a hard one. If he is BPD (fear of abandonment), you leaving him will be extremely triggering to him. Do not expect a grown up break up. In my experience it really doesnt matter how you go about it, the outcome will be the same. Feelings are facts to apwBPD so his feelings about you leaving will be his facts.

Depending on your situation its a good idea to plan some things before you go through with it to provide for your safety. Are you married? Do you live together? Any children? Does he have things of yours you need back? Do you think he will react violently?

good luck, the first steps are the hardest! But it will get better with time! First but foremost, take care of you and keep yourself safe!