Painted black

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all

I've been painted black for the second time. The first only lasted two days. Now it's different.  My girlfriend basically cut me from one day to the next. She still wanted to be friends but I had a hard time with that. I had a rough two weeks with limited contact with her. She gave me nothing in her communication meanwhile her kids were reaching out asking me to give them rides or visit. One Saturday night in which I was supposed to go out with her,her six year old texted me while I was sleeping at 130 am. She asked me to hurry up and come over. I wasn't thinking and thought there was an emergency. I checked on her and on my way out I saw the mom pull in. I tried to tell her what happened but she was so cold and was on the phone. She wouldn't get off for a second. I just couldn't take this abrupt change from my favorite person in the world to this cold hearted bi***.  I lost my cool and called her that. That was the end. She thinks I was waiting for her. We live in the same building. What can I do other than nc. Is there anything I could say or do to melt this coldness and hatred... In the past I accepted my responsibility for not handling something well and she responded well. Now I'm not so sure. There has to be something I can do to open a line of communication. That's all I want now. Please help.

[Keysmiami]

Hi all

I've been painted black for the second time. The first only lasted two days. Now it's different.  My girlfriend basically cut me from one day to the next. She still wanted to be friends but I had a hard time with that. I had a rough two weeks with limited contact with her. She gave me nothing in her communication meanwhile her kids were reaching out asking me to give them rides or visit. One Saturday night in which I was supposed to go out with her,her six year old texted me while I was sleeping at 130 am. She asked me to hurry up and come over. I wasn't thinking and thought there was an emergency. I checked on her and on my way out I saw the mom pull in. I tried to tell her what happened but she was so cold and was on the phone. She wouldn't get off for a second. I just couldn't take this abrupt change from my favorite person in the world to this cold hearted bi***.  I lost my cool and called her that. That was the end. She thinks I was waiting for her. We live in the same building. What can I do other than nc. Is there anything I could say or do to melt this coldness and hatred... In the past I accepted my responsibility for not handling something well and she responded well. Now I'm not so sure. There has to be something I can do to open a line of communication. That's all I want now. Please help.

[JRT]

The push/pull element of this BPD will guarantee that attempting to convince her of anything, even contacting her will push her away. For this and for many other reasons, the non mntra is NO CONTACT... .its painful and difficult but its your only possibility for the salvation of your r/s and your own sanity.

[downwhim]

Stay N/C and you will better off. When they paint you black they mean business. They will be cruel and devalue you until they paint you white again and that could be years from now! Don't wait around, keep busy as she is. You will never again go through the initial idealization with her. My last recycle ended in an engagement and eventual b/u. Not worth the pain!

[Keysmiami]

Years really? I can't survive that. I'm lucky I'll make it through the weekend.

[Warney]

how long you been apart mate. Everyday is easier and better.

[Keysmiami]

Three weeks. I want to knock some sense into her. We had a very close relationship. I just loved being with her. Sure she was difficult but I could deal with it. She just threw me in the trash. We were building a life together and she was open to it or was she? Three days of nc I want to send her a text this weekend.

[JRT]

Your contact likely have the opposite desired effect.

[Keysmiami]

Wow this goes against all sense of reasoning and rationale. Never ever experienced anything like this.

[Warney]

Key i am new here but take the time to read the success stories and then maybe you will see NC is great for you and her.

NC is key for you mainly i feel .

[Keysmiami]

How long should nc be? I just want some kind of relationship with her now.

[Warney]

Key try for 30 days. I have been no contact now for over 30 days and now her mother is texting me . I am ignoring her as well as i can talk about her till ppo is cleared.

You dont want what you can have easily . Rare is valuable

[JRT]

Wow this goes against all sense of reasoning and rationale. Never ever experienced anything like this.

There is NOTHING that is reasonable or rational about a BPD... .you cannot use standard logice with them. Feelings are fact and whatever aberrant and illogical feelings that they have prevail.

[PaintedBlack28]

Keysmiami

Sorry to hear about your r/s take it easy mate it wasn't your fault, it's a disorder. Everything ppl have told you above is true. Be patient and take it easy. I'm 92 days NC.

Focus on yourself.

[BadKitty]

Wow this goes against all sense of reasoning and rationale. Never ever experienced anything like this.

I feel you on this. I also am having a hard time understanding. It am still living with my BPDexbf and it has been very difficult. VERY difficult.

Try not to take anything they say or do too personally and take care of yourself.

[Frankcostello]

How long should nc be? I just want some kind of relationship with her now.

NC should be on your terms, and it should be long enough so that you can think clearly about what happened with your relationship.  Right now you are still in a fog.  Eventually you will realize that your relationship is a facade.  You have to realize what kind of self centered, deceptive person would just disappear after having a relationship with you. If you really care about someone you would show more respect and empathy towards them even if you are no longer in a relationship with them.  However, a person with BPD is unable to show the same kind of empathy that a non would show.

Take this as a blessing that they disappeared.  Now realize that they are selfish, deceptive people, why would you want a relationship with them? Run, run as fast as you can from the person with BPD and invest your time with someone who actually appreciates you.  

[drummerboy]

Such good advice Frank! One day Keys you will know that her dumping you was the nicest thing she ever did for you. It was truly her gift to you. These people are totally incapable of any sort of an adult relationship. They are 100% self absorbed and actually care zero about you, or anyone else, to a pwBPD people are just there to be used.Having them out of your life is truly a blessing. There are loads of emotionally healthy women out there, that's where your attention should be, not on these emotional train wrecks.

How long should nc be? I just want some kind of relationship with her now.

NC should be on your terms, and it should be long enough so that you can think clearly about what happened with your relationship.  Right now you are still in a fog.  Eventually you will realize that your relationship is a facade.  You have to realize what kind of self centered, deceptive person would just disappear after having a relationship with you. If you really care about someone you would show more respect and empathy towards them even if you are no longer in a relationship with them.  However, a person with BPD is unable to show the same kind of empathy that a non would show.

Take this as a blessing that they disappeared.  Now realize that they are selfish, deceptive people, why would you want a relationship with them? Run, run as fast as you can from the person with BPD and invest your time with someone who actually appreciates you.