what do they do after u break up with them ?

[ImGoingCrazy]

what do they do after u break up with them ? how do they feel? for how long ?

[JRT]

I have heard of all sort of things... .some seem to never miss a beat and treat it as unceremoniously as throwing a wrapper into the trash... .others blow up the others phone, text, email, FB or even stalk them... .some recycle quickly, or somewhere in the future and some never at all... .most seem to try to find a replacement if there was not one secured already (I have heard of very few that do not if at all)... .

I spoke to my ex's dad at one point who reported that she 'seemed to be doing ok' almost in a way that indicated that she didn't give it much thought at all. But I have reason to believe that she floats in and out of being emotional.

[fromheeltoheal]

Impossible to say, everyone's different, although you can pretty much be assured that he'll do what he's always done, like we all do to one extent or another.  You mention that he exhibits traits of the disorder and you recognize him in what you've read, I'm sorry you're going through that, but standard borderline is he'll use projection to blame you for everything, whether it was your fault or not, use cognitive distortion to change the facts of the past to fit his feelings, look for other attachments if they don't exist already, and maybe try and restart something with you, or at least test to see if an attachment is still in place.

A more important question is what do you do after you've broken up with him.  We are conflicted once these relationships end: our heart hurts and misses a borderline, but our head knows staying away is the right thing to do.  What are you doing for yourself right now, to take care of yourself very well, so you make sure you listen to your head and not your heart for the time being?

[Madison66]

I'm 15 months out of a 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  We lived on the same block, which complicated the b/u and n/c period.  We recycled a few times and then I finally walked away for good.  Here are things that happened following the b/u:

1. I went strict 100% n/c

2. Within a couple days she faked an physical issue and I simply wished her well

3. She had a couple books and other gifts for her kids sent to my house - I left a couple of them at her door and then just trashed a few other things that arrived at my house.  She would have kept doing it if I continued to deliver them to her house.

4. We ran into each other at a local coffee shop and she played it off that she was really happy

5. There was a long stream of guys that came over to her home (and stayed overnight) within one week of the b/u.  At first, it bothered me and then I woke up to the fact that this is who I was with and who I left.

6. She would walk her dog past my home almost daily when she could easily have walked the other direction.  Even neighbors noticed this.

7. She would text and email out of the blue

8. She would attempt to break n/c and approach me as I was walking up the street for just goofy reasons

9. She showed up uninvited to parties and other functions to obviously make her presence known

10. She had her friends contact me stating that I should really maintain a r/s with her kids or meet with her kids to help them with closure or other life issues.  I always said no.  Her friends didn't know the real story behind her issues and the b/u, so I don't blame them.

11. She moved out of the direct area about 9 months ago and that was a great day!

12. Continued emails and texts out of the blue even a year + out and I don't respond

My point here is that my ex gf continued the wacky behavior after the b/u and never seems to completely go away (even though I'm fully detached).  I've read it here and I know it to be true that history almost always repeats itself with BPD, NPD and other PD's.  The great thing is that it is not and will not repeat itself in my lifetime.