Broke NC - Figured out why... not beating myself up

[Depression = 72% of members]

Today was a horrible day for me but ended ok.

I had forgotten an important business appointment. I am broke because I basically gave all of my $ to my exgf and spent foolishly. To make matters worse last night I took my truck out for a short drive and heard a terrible grinding sound in the front wheels. After a hellish workday where I stayed largely depressed due to breakup and lack of money I luckily was able to reach a very good friend who is also an expert mechanic.

He usually never has time because of his job and businesses but he came over to my house to look at my vehicle with me.  I was as down as I could be. Utterly defeated. I looked online and was able to diagnose the problem as a broken wheel hub. The replacement part was over $100... .I needed to get my vehicle fixed for work but with no $$ what was I to do.

Not sure if I reached my rock bottom but I felt totally miserable. Like a robot I picked up my phone and texted the exgf "hey."

She did not reply. I did not expect her too and am happy she did not.

My friend arrived and was kind enough to purchase the auto part for me as he knew I was basically stranded. For a moment I almost broke down in tears from my pain and embarrassment.

We spent time working on the truck together and had some good laughs and jokes. Tomorrow I have to find a way to get some money back to my friend and pay him in full next week when I am paid.

Anyways... .I screwed up... .was at or near the bottom and did what I did.  I understand it was out of desperation and an irrational reflex reaction to find salve for my pain.

I am ok about it... .not beating myself up. The fact that she did not reply tells me I aggravated the heck out of her or I got through to her with my candor.

Don't think I will be so down again... .that was the reason for my error.

[nowwhatz]

Today was a horrible day for me but ended ok.

I had forgotten an important business appointment. I am broke because I basically gave all of my $ to my exgf and spent foolishly. To make matters worse last night I took my truck out for a short drive and heard a terrible grinding sound in the front wheels. After a hellish workday where I stayed largely depressed due to breakup and lack of money I luckily was able to reach a very good friend who is also an expert mechanic.

He usually never has time because of his job and businesses but he came over to my house to look at my vehicle with me.  I was as down as I could be. Utterly defeated. I looked online and was able to diagnose the problem as a broken wheel hub. The replacement part was over $100... .I needed to get my vehicle fixed for work but with no $$ what was I to do.

Not sure if I reached my rock bottom but I felt totally miserable. Like a robot I picked up my phone and texted the exgf "hey."

She did not reply. I did not expect her too and am happy she did not.

My friend arrived and was kind enough to purchase the auto part for me as he knew I was basically stranded. For a moment I almost broke down in tears from my pain and embarrassment.

We spent time working on the truck together and had some good laughs and jokes. Tomorrow I have to find a way to get some money back to my friend and pay him in full next week when I am paid.

Anyways... .I screwed up... .was at or near the bottom and did what I did.  I understand it was out of desperation and an irrational reflex reaction to find salve for my pain.

I am ok about it... .not beating myself up. The fact that she did not reply tells me I aggravated the heck out of her or I got through to her with my candor.

Don't think I will be so down again... .that was the reason for my error.

[raisins3142]

You're human, buddy 

We make mistakes and  yours could've been a lot worse.

I'm glad you got your truck fixed.  You and your friend are lucky to have each other as it seems like a great and true bond.  I have friends like that as well.  Think how hard it is for a person with BPD to develop and maintain a relationship like that.  Makes me feel sorry for them in a way.

[nowwhatz]

You're human, buddy 

We make mistakes and  yours could've been a lot worse.

I'm glad you got your truck fixed.  You and your friend are lucky to have each other as it seems like a great and true bond.  I have friends like that as well.  Think how hard it is for a person with BPD to develop and maintain a relationship like that.  Makes me feel sorry for them in a way.

Yes my BPDexgf has no friends... .only tools to use. I feel sorry for the BPD people and the people they use to survive.

I was so lucky my friend was in town and had time to help me tonight. I am so thankful to him. If he could not help me I don't know if I could survive tomorrow. Wow. Thank God.