My Introduction

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am working my way around this forum and absorbing as much information/insight as I can.  I am struggling with my husband who is alcoholic and what I believe to be borderline (if he's been diagnosed he hasn't shared it).  I have no right to dx him I just very much want to understand what I am dealing with and by all appearances this "shoe fits." The craziness and chaos came to a head in October 2013.  I could no longer accept that "everything" was my fault/issues.   Sadly, it took domestic abuse to shake me to my core and on the advice of the Police Officers and Emergency Room Physician I headed for the first available Al-Anon meeting.  After years of carrying all of the turmoil inside, never sharing it with anyone, I was waking up to reality.  Fortunately for me, I was lucky enough to have a "Veteran" Al-Anon member approach me after I did my first share and tell me that as wonderful as Al-Anon is that it wouldn't be enough for me and strongly suggested Individual Therapy.  I will never be able to thank her enough.  I took her advice and headed to Therapy which has been amazing for me! Sadly, my husband is unable to take a hard look at himself and accept responsibility for his actions nor reach out for Professional help.  I did not, as Al-Anon suggests, make any major decisions regarding our relationship for one year after the "fall out."  We are separated, I moved out one year to the day of the "defining" moment in our relationship.  There is much peace in my life and equally as much turmoil.  I truly would love to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship with my husband yet cannot get a visual on that when he lives in denial.  I've done a lot of self care, self work and have done nearly all I can think of to improve how I approach our marriage and cannot see the forest through the trees. He denies, lies, cheats, betrays and steals (Domestic Theft) and somehow (for many years) convinced me it was all me, until I woke up.  Thanks for listening.

[Unaware]

I am working my way around this forum and absorbing as much information/insight as I can.  I am struggling with my husband who is alcoholic and what I believe to be borderline (if he's been diagnosed he hasn't shared it).  I have no right to dx him I just very much want to understand what I am dealing with and by all appearances this "shoe fits." The craziness and chaos came to a head in October 2013.  I could no longer accept that "everything" was my fault/issues.   Sadly, it took domestic abuse to shake me to my core and on the advice of the Police Officers and Emergency Room Physician I headed for the first available Al-Anon meeting.  After years of carrying all of the turmoil inside, never sharing it with anyone, I was waking up to reality.  Fortunately for me, I was lucky enough to have a "Veteran" Al-Anon member approach me after I did my first share and tell me that as wonderful as Al-Anon is that it wouldn't be enough for me and strongly suggested Individual Therapy.  I will never be able to thank her enough.  I took her advice and headed to Therapy which has been amazing for me! Sadly, my husband is unable to take a hard look at himself and accept responsibility for his actions nor reach out for Professional help.  I did not, as Al-Anon suggests, make any major decisions regarding our relationship for one year after the "fall out."  We are separated, I moved out one year to the day of the "defining" moment in our relationship.  There is much peace in my life and equally as much turmoil.  I truly would love to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship with my husband yet cannot get a visual on that when he lives in denial.  I've done a lot of self care, self work and have done nearly all I can think of to improve how I approach our marriage and cannot see the forest through the trees. He denies, lies, cheats, betrays and steals (Domestic Theft) and somehow (for many years) convinced me it was all me, until I woke up.  Thanks for listening.

[neverloveagain]

I grew up in an alcoholic family it's no doubt where my codependency problems arose from. My mom is BPD alcoholic brother is too . My dad who is codependent like me still goes aa for family members. Take inventory of yourself and your needs. Treat yourself with love and respect you deserve. You get one chance at life don't waste it with people BPD or not who waste your time. Look after yourself.

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, Unaware!  We all have our own stories dealing with various BPD relationships.  Keep educating yourself on BPD, as knowledge is powerful. 

I applaud you for wanting to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship with your husband, despite not being able to see that.  It is good that you are separated, being that your husband has domestically abused you and is in major denial with not seeking any treatment.  I would encourage you to remain separated until your husband has a complete turn around with acknowledgement involving intensive and progressive treatment.  Not only for his disorder, but for domestic abuse and his alcohol addiction.