Wife has BPD

[Jack101]

My wife has not been diagnosed with BPD but my counselor of 12 years suspects it. I want to be a great husband and have a great marriage but I'm sick of th put downs lack of intimacy accusations that I'm cheating( even when I take my kids to church) and threats of divorce. I don't trust her when she is being nice, I don't understand how she can hate me and then be nice and act like it never happened. I don't believe in divorce but I'm so angry lately and thinking about other women I think I need to divorce her before I cheat. I also have constant anxiety and lack of sleep, she stays up all night watching tv and wakes me up when she comes to bed.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Jack101, 

Welcome.  I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation.     I understand how the constant accusations and anxiety can really take a toll on you.  Coping with the behavior of a person with BPD can really leave you on edge and angry. 

I found the best way to cope with my anger and anxiety was learning about BPD.  A lot of my anger, frustration, and anxiety stemmed from my lack of understanding why my bf was behaving in a certain way.  Here is an article that really helps with understanding BPD.

Article 2: The Symptoms and Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder

What other behaviors are you having trouble coping with? 

[waverider]

Thoughts of other women are just escapism, as you want out of the hopelessness. it is not about other women it is about getting out from under the stress.

You are using your thoughts of other women to justify your feeling to escape

You life is too complicated and stressful, being involved with someone else or even thinking about it is only going to make this worse.

You have to focus on reestablishing you, your boundaries and values.

You may not be able to change her, but you can change you.

Now is the best time to start you will be surprised what can be done


Please read the LESSONS to the right>