2nd guessing

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am really struggling with 2nd guessing most everything I do in life, being paranoid, and afraid of making a mistake for fear that I will go any further downhill. I did 2nd guess somewhat before, but after about 3 years with my uBPDexgf and not contacting her for 5 months, It has become severe-even the simplest of things in life that were second nature years ago, I 2nd guess now. During the relationship it got worse and worse, I can understand considering the BPD behaviours and traits.

My questions to those of you who have had the same experiences; when did you start to get your self confidence back after going NC? What did you find helped you stop 2nd guessing the things you used to be very decisive in?

[lovenature]

I am really struggling with 2nd guessing most everything I do in life, being paranoid, and afraid of making a mistake for fear that I will go any further downhill. I did 2nd guess somewhat before, but after about 3 years with my uBPDexgf and not contacting her for 5 months, It has become severe-even the simplest of things in life that were second nature years ago, I 2nd guess now. During the relationship it got worse and worse, I can understand considering the BPD behaviours and traits.

My questions to those of you who have had the same experiences; when did you start to get your self confidence back after going NC? What did you find helped you stop 2nd guessing the things you used to be very decisive in?

[raisins3142]

I was most impacted when it comes to relationships and confidence.  My temporary solution is to not date or want to date.  Aside from that, I think having some successes can help.  What are some of your doubts centered on?  Can you come up with some easier scenarios where you will get a sense of success?  For instance, if it were related to social interactions, perhaps try some low pressure settings with closer friends and then don't put much pressure on yourself and see that you succeeded in being around people and having fun and being liked?

[downwhim]

I too second guess. I know now I go more to the negative then ever before. I use to be a positive upbeat person but I feel very worn down. I too do not want to date now for fear of failure again. That said, I can recognize  's now and know I have loved and learned.

[HappyNihilist]

lovenature, I'm so sorry you're struggling.   Know that you're not alone.

The end of a BPD relationship is devastating, and often does leave us questioning and second-guessing everything we thought we knew.

It's up to us to filter through and find the legitimate questions and concerns -- obviously we need to change some things if we want to grow and open ourselves up to healthy relationships -- while not beating ourselves up, or becoming bitter, or ruminating/obsessing about things we can't control. It's not easy or quick work.

I too second guess. I know now I go more to the negative then ever before. I use to be a positive upbeat person but I feel very worn down.

I struggle with this worn-down feeling, too. I've been getting better with the negativistic thinking, but it was rough for a while.

Honestly, I think it just takes time, patience, and work. We've been hurt. We're only human; we're allowed to feel tired, sad, wary, selfish, angry, etc. It's unhealthy to stay there, for sure. But it doesn't help matters to beat ourselves up for feeling these things.