So my girlfriend and I have been back together for only about 3 weeks now, but she today bought up moving in together.
At the moment we live separate although she has been at mine or I've been at hers for every night for the last two weeks.
Obviously I've known her for almost two years now so I'm comfortable to do it and it would help financially.
I'm just concerned because I hear a lot of bad stories of things going south real fast when you move in with a BPD.
Currently she's being really good, a lot more open and honest than last time and she's talked about what she has learned. We are working through the dbt skills book and she's keen to start group sessions. She's making a lot of progress with her eating too and only purged once last week.
I am not sure what to do, a part of me wants to take this step but another part is cautious that I'm dealing with BPD and that the tide can turn quick. Also she's been saying she wants to marry me and be with me forever etc. This all sounds great but I'm wary of letting my guard down and giving myself to her completely.
Inferno,
I understand you are taking another go of it and completely respect that that is your own business and life.
Since you are asking here for advice, I would ask:
Is she working?
Will she be paying her fair share?
What is the rush to move in together?
What are the real reasons that she wants to live together so quickly?
Is she respectful of your boundries and being told that you might have a difference of opinion based on the past and it being too quickly.
Is she mentally or emotionally available to take care of you as you would her?
Are you going to become her caretaker, or will she be able to make adult decisions on her own?
Where do you believe this will go once you give in and she deregulates and you can not have the space to run to think on your own?
I know you will do what you want, but my suggestion would be to get through the point where she would normally disregulate and then make a conscious decision based on it being your idea and not hers.
It would also be great if she knew she had to pull her weight in the responsibilities if this is something that she would like in the future.
3 weeks is still too early in the re honeymoon stage to base the value of the relationship on.
Be safe my friend!
Rifka