Heartbroken and confused

[Mamaroo1973]

i recently ended a relationship with my BPD partner after two years and many tears.  She was and still is the love of my life.  I was married to a man for 8 years, unhappy.  We have two sons - 11 and 7.  I met my girl at work.  I met her during a time in my life when there was no love left in my marriage.  Going through the motions.  I fell in love very fast with her.  She treated me like a princess and loved me in a way I hadn't been.  I ended my marriage and within the year she had moved I to my home.  Looking back now this was way too much, too fast.  I had no idea about BPD and the amount of attention these partners require.  Mix in two boys who need my love and attention - it turned horrible pretty fast.  She tried committing suicide three separate times that I know of and was hospitalized once.  She blamed me for paying too much attention to my children, having too many friends, being too involved with my family etc. I The little things I did do for went unnoticed.  This went on for a year.  Even the weekends we didn't have the boys we'd fight, she'd drink and take pills until she passed out.  I couldn't save her so I climbed deeper in my shell.  She blamed me for her insecurities and her drinking and her life.  She spit in my face once, broke dishes, jumped out of my car (walking 13 miles home in the cold), but then got a huge tattoo of my name on her shoulder?  She loved me so hard, rubbing my feet, helping to take care of my home, staring at me with loving eyes... .Sex was amazing but if I said the wrong thing it would send her spiraling out of control.  I became fearful of what I could do and say, or not.  In November, I got invited on a week vacation with my family.  She could not come due to work.  She told me if I went I'd be abandoning her and she'd never forgive me.  I decided to go anyway.  I knew her 2 years.  I knew my family for 40 years.  While on vacation I got hate texts sent to me about how I never cared for her.  She constantly compared me to her ex saying "she would have never left me".  I caught her looking through my journals... .It was awful.  I decided she needed to leave in August (before the trip).  She moved in with my aunt where she's been ever since.  She tried for a few months to get back with me, took some classes and started at the gym.  She was not obsessed with me anymore and began working on her.  I found that very attractive.  It honestly made me want to be near her more.  We started going on dates, snowshoeing, dinner, sex... .Then I mentioned maybe trying again?  She informed me she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone and is actually interested in someone she met online but they haven't met face to face yet.  I'm beyond deviated!  Why have sex with me?  Why continue to see me?  Hold me?  Make plans?  I feel like I'm going crazy now with this girl.  Can anyone shed some light on being in a relationship with someone with BPD? 

[Mutt]

Hi Mamaroo1973,   



I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's frustrating, confusing and hurtful when partners make you feel guilty for taking a family vacation and your getting hateful texts. You feel like whatever you do doesn't seem like it gets a good response and you start to may climb into a shell. I can relate as well as many of many members. I'm.glad that you have found us.

A pwBPD fear abandonment real or perceived. She lacks a stable sense if self and doesn't know whom she us and has unstable interpersonal relationships and an innate fear if being alone. She hasn't met the other person from what she's saying and is fearful of being alone and that's likely why the physical intimacy.