Can feel the recycle coming or triangulation?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

[downnout98]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Yes you would know she is keeping you in the vicinity because a new relationship is a risky thing and it may fail.  And you would know they cannot be alone for any length of time due to their inner emptiness.  And there may be some truth in what she says.  But what does it mean when someone you love has made that step - has shared their body with another?  It means it is over.  No words will diminish this reality.  She will never respect you for taking her back after this and you will never respect her for such treason.  Time to look within.  She has moved on and now it is your chance to heal and progress.  Good luck downout98

[downnout98]

But what does it mean when someone you love has made that step - has shared their body with another?  It means it is over.  No words will diminish this reality.  She will never respect you for taking her back after this and you will never respect her for such treason. 

Thank you for your wisdom. I feel this exact thing in my heart, and when this all started, her replacing me, I tried to warn her about it. She said at the time that she was tired of crying over me and that she was going to have fun and move on. She also said that she didn't have time to date different men, so she was going with the first one.

Sad, really. It is so hard to let her go and let the r/s go. You are right. I don't think I could respect myself going back into that house, even as much as I love her.

I'm still holding on to the idea of the r/s and how I felt around her during the high moments. I try to remind myself of the lows.

[Infared]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

My take on that is that she is a pathetic character, in the safety of a realationship, getting ALL her needs met while she is getting morose and baiting you at your expense. It's all her, in her giant self-centered world. It's ALL about her. Everything.

Her actions disrespect you. Her actions disrespect him.

Run like hell. Save you. Cut off all contact. She is very sick.    

"She also said that she didn't have time to date different men, so she was going with the first one. "... .I think that you need to ask yourself "Why am I talking to this person?".

Sorry to be so blunt... .but I needed to hear these things to see more clearly when I was in the F.O.G.

[fromheeltoheal]

It takes two to recycle, and part of taking your power back is to realize and enforce that if she doesn't bring you up more than she brings you down, she isn't welcome in your life.  I worked with my ex after we broke up too, and it is difficult, hard to re-find your center, process and heal when she's there every day, and the day she got fired I felt a massive weight lift and the cloud over my head clear, although the question remained: how big do I need to be today to rise above this, reestablish healthy boundaries and stay centered?  Turns out I was more than strong enough, and so are you.

[raisins3142]

I see no reason to respect the confidence of a person that behaves like you ex.

I would forward all her pathetic texts to this new guy.  He deserves to know.  If more people short circuited the pathetic games of others, then we'd been in a better world.  Of course, this might cause issues at your work.

If my ex had been up to no good during the relationship, then I wish others would have told me about it.

[GrowThroughIt]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

My take on that is that she is a pathetic character, in the safety of a realationship, getting ALL her needs met while she is getting morose and baiting you at your expense. It's all her, in her giant self-centered world. It's ALL about her. Everything.

Her actions disrespect you. Her actions disrespect him.

Run like hell. Save you. Cut off all contact. She is very sick.    

"She also said that she didn't have time to date different men, so she was going with the first one. "... .I think that you need to ask yourself "Why am I talking to this person?".

Sorry to be so blunt... .but I needed to hear these things to see more clearly when I was in the F.O.G.

Exactly this!

I speak as the guy who was in the same position as your replacement.

I was the 'good' guy etc yet she still played games. She then went back to him (even though he more than likely has NPD) yet tried to make me hang around. And she may do the same to you as she is doing to him, make one or the other hang around to get HER needs met.

With these people it's never about their partner. It's about them and only them. Does it hurt to see that? Yes. But at least we can see it. So the choice is ours, do we continue in an abusive relationship or do we walk away with our head held high and focus on our own issues that caused us to end up with them?

[Infared]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

My take on that is that she is a pathetic character, in the safety of a realationship, getting ALL her needs met while she is getting morose and baiting you at your expense. It's all her, in her giant self-centered world. It's ALL about her. Everything.

Her actions disrespect you. Her actions disrespect him.

Run like hell. Save you. Cut off all contact. She is very sick.    

"She also said that she didn't have time to date different men, so she was going with the first one. "... .I think that you need to ask yourself "Why am I talking to this person?".

Sorry to be so blunt... .but I needed to hear these things to see more clearly when I was in the F.O.G.

Exactly this!

I speak as the guy who was in the same position as your replacement.

I was the 'good' guy etc yet she still played games. She then went back to him (even though he more than likely has NPD) yet tried to make me hang around. And she may do the same to you as she is doing to him, make one or the other hang around to get HER needs met.

With these people it's never about their partner. It's about them and only them. Does it hurt to see that? Yes. But at least we can see it. So the choice is ours, do we continue in an abusive relationship or do we walk away with our head held high and focus on our own issues that caused us to end up with them?

Um... .errr... .Choose them!  LOL! (I had a lot of therapy!) We need to take responsibility and say "We chose them."

[GrowThroughIt]

Ugh, I can feel the recycle coming. I work with my exBPDgf and so maintaining NC is extremely difficult. We have been apart for 3 months now and she has been with my replacement for a little over two months. We were together for 3 years before this last split. She is sending me texts saying that she misses me and she misses the life we had. She is remembering all the good times we had. That she is trying to live a life without me but having a hard time. That the new guy is a good man, but he is not me and she misses me.

I know all this is just a game to feed my ego again right? She is luring me in with the feelings of the high that we all loved so much. The white knight again. She is going to counseling religiously and I want to believe that she is genuine but I should know better.

She is just going through her next phase with this guy and feeling a void that she wants me to fill?

My take on that is that she is a pathetic character, in the safety of a realationship, getting ALL her needs met while she is getting morose and baiting you at your expense. It's all her, in her giant self-centered world. It's ALL about her. Everything.

Her actions disrespect you. Her actions disrespect him.

Run like hell. Save you. Cut off all contact. She is very sick.    

"She also said that she didn't have time to date different men, so she was going with the first one. "... .I think that you need to ask yourself "Why am I talking to this person?".

Sorry to be so blunt... .but I needed to hear these things to see more clearly when I was in the F.O.G.

Exactly this!

I speak as the guy who was in the same position as your replacement.

I was the 'good' guy etc yet she still played games. She then went back to him (even though he more than likely has NPD) yet tried to make me hang around. And she may do the same to you as she is doing to him, make one or the other hang around to get HER needs met.

With these people it's never about their partner. It's about them and only them. Does it hurt to see that? Yes. But at least we can see it. So the choice is ours, do we continue in an abusive relationship or do we walk away with our head held high and focus on our own issues that caused us to end up with them?

Um... .errr... .Choose them!  LOL! (I had a lot of therapy!) We need to take responsibility and say "We chose them."

I guess everyone has their breaking point. My situation was different in that I was merely a replacement, and despite what she said, she was way too hung up on her ex. If the roles had been reversed and she was into me as much then sure I would help her, but ultimately I was always going to lose. Also, there is a difference, YOU went to therapy to work on things. Most unfortunately don't. How can you help someone who does not want to be helped?

[downnout98]

Thank you for your posts everyone. I have been traveling today and as I turn my phone after flights, I see the texts that she has been sending. There have so many great replies to quote but I will keep thi short before my next flight.

You are right Infrared, it has been all about her and I have to remind myself that it always will be. Shortly after we broke up and when she started up with this guy, I saw a post on her facebook that said something about "the person that would do anything to be with you was more valuable than the one you would do anything for" it was a crazy quote and made sense at the time since she was feeling rejected by me while this guy was willing to do anything to get in her pants.

She sent me a text saying that she doesn't know what she wants and that the new guy does not deserve this because he is a nice guy. That she going back to cheating again and feels bad. I wanted to say, what about me, I didn't deserve any of this and I gave you 3 years, yet you replaced me and all you had to say was sorry.

Raisins, I have thought about sending a message to her new guy, letting him know what he has on his hands. He has no idea about her history of cheating and recycling.

She keeps trying to feed my ego saying that he doesn't compare to me.

Because we work together, this N/C is tough but I will do my best.

[downnout98]

I really do feel bad for my exBPDgf. I need to quit trying to understand her mind. I really hate that we work on projects together.N/C is next to impossible, so I need to work on my strength and this new found family has been very helpful.

They really are in chaos all the time, or maybe it is me that is crazy for putting up with it for so long, thinking it would change. Lol. She has been telling me that she does not know what to do because this guy is really a nice a guy but she is always thinking of me, etc, etc more violin music playing. She is saying all this while the guy is practically living with her and has already met her family.

She is feeding me all these lines while she is in the comfort of a relationship as was stated above. Funny thing is she also did this while we were broken up, trying to work our issues out. She would promise all sorts of things and profess her love, but in the meantime she was lining this guy out. Once she had him, poof I was but a memory.

Anyway, the kicker of it all is that I finally told her that her problem is that she doesn't love him. Without hesitation, she says I know... .But it is not right. He is nice and what am I supposed to do, dump him and come back into your arms? She said that it does not work like that. Funny stuff coming from her. No rely from me.

She sends me a text saying she wants to see me outside of work. Not responding.

[Infared]

I really do feel bad for my exBPDgf. I need to quit trying to understand her mind. I really hate that we work on projects together.N/C is next to impossible, so I need to work on my strength and this new found family has been very helpful.

They really are in chaos all the time, or maybe it is me that is crazy for putting up with it for so long, thinking it would change. Lol. She has been telling me that she does not know what to do because this guy is really a nice a guy but she is always thinking of me, etc, etc more violin music playing. She is saying all this while the guy is practically living with her and has already met her family.

She is feeding me all these lines while she is in the comfort of a relationship as was stated above. Funny thing is she also did this while we were broken up, trying to work our issues out. She would promise all sorts of things and profess her love, but in the meantime she was lining this guy out. Once she had him, poof I was but a memory.

Anyway, the kicker of it all is that I finally told her that her problem is that she doesn't love him. Without hesitation, she says I know... .But it is not right. He is nice and what am I supposed to do, dump him and come back into your arms? She said that it does not work like that. Funny stuff coming from her. No rely from me.

She sends me a text saying she wants to see me outside of work. Not responding.

A lot of what she is telling you... .It's all lies.  

My ex said all of these things to me.  It's bizarrely surreal to have this woman you loved for years to basically be saying to YOU:"What about him?"  What the heck? Look at her actions very closely, my friend... please listen to none of her BS words.  Her actions tell the story... align that truth with your soul... your heart knows it's true. It's emotionally painful stuff... .But her word make no sense whatever... .

These people are soo self-centered and dishonest... .and in the end outright cruel. Your instinct to avoid "one-on-one" is most appropriate to protect you.