I'm new here

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Good Afternoon All,

I'm fairly new to this. It seems so strange to find myself in a support group and I'm a Child Psychologis myself and have found myself deeply, madly in love with a Person not yet diagnosed with BPD (but boy oh boy - all the indicators are there). We are now on our 3rd break up in which he pushes me away when all things go well. His standard break up line is "I'm affraid I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved and you should find someone who can give you what I can't". By now (I've only been doing this for 3 months) I should be used to the rollercoaster but being pushed away without me being able to identify the "trigger" hurts each and everytime. I listed myself as "seperated" here eventhough I hope this is not the end.

[Peaches1978]

Good Afternoon All,

I'm fairly new to this. It seems so strange to find myself in a support group and I'm a Child Psychologis myself and have found myself deeply, madly in love with a Person not yet diagnosed with BPD (but boy oh boy - all the indicators are there). We are now on our 3rd break up in which he pushes me away when all things go well. His standard break up line is "I'm affraid I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved and you should find someone who can give you what I can't". By now (I've only been doing this for 3 months) I should be used to the rollercoaster but being pushed away without me being able to identify the "trigger" hurts each and everytime. I listed myself as "seperated" here eventhough I hope this is not the end.

[Heldfast]

Welcome Peaches and I hope you find the information on this site helpful, I know I have. If he's undiagnosed, and not seeking help, you'll probably find you are in a real bind when it comes to trying to develop a healthy, stable relationship. Start with the lessons here, and I may also suggest reading either "Stop Walking on Eggshells", or "I hate you, don't leave me."

[Tim300]

I am sorry that you are going through this.  Be grateful that you've identified BPD in 3 months though.  I am certain that many fellow readers are very jealous of that. 

I would read, read, and read some more about BPD.  I would not mention to him anything about BPD or that you suspect he might have it.  From my experience and from reading so many others' experiences, that does not tend to go over well.  At least give yourself some more time to learn about BPD first.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Peaches, I doubt you will be able to identify the "trigger" because it changes from incident to incident.  I also doubt that you will be able to "figure out" BPD, because it is a cluster of paradoxical behavior, as you are learning.  You are way ahead of the game, though, in the sense that you are aware of BPD, whereas most of us here had to learn about the disorder the hard way, after years of turmoil and upheaval.  So find out all you can about BPD before you get back on the roller coaster.

LuckyJim